@palm715 I think that’s a concept that’s hard for some students ( and even some parents) to grasp. Each rejection , though unpleasant, brings clarity and opportunities , even for something better.
@carolinamom2boys The consultant was particularly helpful with the application strategy for my daughter. She is a bright, hard-working kid that writes well but gets test anxiety when doing standardized tests. She has a good GPA and great ECs, but only so-so test scores. The consultant was able to craft a list of test optional schools that are truly test optional (many schools which claim to be test optional in practice aren’t). Again, something we wouldn’t have known about without his expertise.
Some of you already know a bit about my D and her chosen college. The funny thing is, this college was the reach she was least enthused about. Her applying was like this: “this college has good programs you are interested in, especially writing, and the kids sound like they might be your type of people. It has a good reputation. Appy and see what happens.” Meanwhile, she was more interested in her other reaches and didn’t give this college as much consideration as she should have.
When she was accepted, there was no excitement, although I was pleased she got into such a selective school. We were still hoping her top choices would come through. I even told a few people “there is no way she will go there.” I wasn’t even sure we would visit, (we had not yet seen the school.) Then, something arrived in the mail. It was interesting, it was tactile, it was cool. It was a real live book. And what a clever marketing trick it was too. Suddenly, this college that hadn’t really been of high interest became a place that needed more in-depth research, especially because it had yet to be seen in person. So in earnest, we started to find out all the great things the college had to offer. The college pays for accepted students flights, and so she went on her own. She liked it, and she liked the students. She liked the professors and found the classes interesting.
Then it was time to decide, and out of her acceptances there were three contenders, then two, then one.
If anyone had said back in October that she would end up where she will be attending, I would have said “absolutely no way.” Before the book came, I had been talking with another CC member, who told me of a different college that sends accepted students a book. I said that my kid would think that was cheesy and uncool. No, not cheesy. Rather awesome, in fact. I read the book before she did! I can’t wait to see the college myself and I think she has found a great school. Really excited for her.
I grew up in the suburbs of the flagship I attended. A world apart from home. Raised son in the same state but over a hundred miles from there. But- we would often visit the campus when we made trips to that city to see family. So, exposure was at a young age. Never did any formal tours. Son had a sports camp there once. The default campus- I did NOT want to go there. Discovered a fantastic place, so different than living at home. I couldn’t afford to go OOS. Son would not apply to many schools- only a couple of elite ones plus the flagship. Was 16 when started college, great for academics and not worried about him at the liberal place (hard to find schools when one’s own flagship is rated highly in many fields and has a good physical setting plus campus culture).
Gosh, back in my day I applied to two state schools–one the flagship and one a backup and that was it. I went to the flagship (UNC-CH) because it was closer and the more “smart” kids were going there.
The first time I saw it was when I moved in to a giant party dorm. When I look back on it, it was kind of miserable. The only thing I really enjoyed about it was that other people seemed to be impressed that I go there. Mostly basketball fans. I remember thinking as a sophomore, OK, I went to college. What else is there? Maybe I can work at Blockbuster? I basically stayed because it was the path of least resistance and easier to finish than to tell my parents I wanted to leave.
A smaller LAC would have suited me much better. I went overboard with my own kids and we visited every kind of school. Finding a financial fit also sways up very far into liking or disliking a school. That’s just how it is.
My story is that my Dad and many aunts uncles and cousins attended Harvard. My mother attended Radcliffe for a year as one of the many colleges she attended (four in all, her degree is from American). I had no idea what I wanted to study, but I figured Harvard-Radcliffe would be a good place for an undecided kid. Thanks to a gap year, I was in the last class to apply only to Radcliffe and to get my degree only from Harvard.
My older son also applied to Harvard, but Carnegie Mellon had gotten on his list because of its strength in CS. He applied without visiting. I had happy feelings about it because a guy I really liked in architecture school had gone there as an undergrad. We were both completely blown away by it when we attended accepted students weekend. My son liked Harvard more than he expected to when he went to their accepted students weekend a week later, but in the end his heart went to CMU. (And that was fine with us. He loved it.)
Younger son did a lot more visiting then older brother. He liked all the places that stayed on the list for one reason or another and refused to rank them. It ended up being a very difficult choice which he did not make until the last day to decide.
@redpoodles I totally relate. I had zero interest in going to USC, my parents’ alma mater, although at one point they said they would be happy for me to go there. Like, ugh, why would I want to go to the college my parents went to??? Lame-o to the max! After goofing around at community college for about three years, I eventually applied to one university, the closest one. It took another three years to get my degree.
I had no fun at college whatsoever, because college was a twenty minute car ride away and I commuted. I did have fun during those years, but it was nothing to do with college, which was just a chore that needed to be done. I kind of regret doing it the way I did, but I had a lot of amazing experiences travelling the world while I was in college, which I wouldn’t have been able to do if I had been on the four year plan.
“I had no fun at college whatsoever, because college was a twenty minute car ride away and I commuted.”
- I was not looking for any fun. I just went to the local college. I was looking for another career. I got my associate degree, got the job in the field and started working full time while my various employers paid for my BS and MBA. All 3 degrees came from the local college. Of course, I was living at home and taking care of my family. I was still working on my MBA when our S. started college. Since, my H. was doing the same on the employer’s dime, at some point, all 3 of us were at college, but we paid only one tuition - our S’s.
I always wanted to attend my state flagship ( UIUC), but knew that finances would require me starting at the local cc. When I talked with my GC at the cc he suggested another school that I was familiar with but I had never considered. I visited , loved it and transferred there. I still think UIUC is a terrific school but I will always be thankful to the GC for suggesting the perfect school for me.
So my mother was very competitive with another woman in our town, and this woman (a successful artist) had twin girls a year older than me.
Those twin girls both went to CMU, so my mother decided that should be my first choice school. I remember applying to a few other out of state schools (looking at my old SAT score sheet my choices were SO random and silly, like Gettysburg and Oberlin).
When the acceptance letter came she opened it. I came home to balloons on the front porch with the letter taped to the door. I guess I was going to CMU.
I lasted a year there before they ran out of money because they couldn’t keep up with the Joneses (who did graduate and got great jobs as graphic artists). I liked CMU, but looking back it wasn’t a good fit for me.
DH also went to CMU (he left after his junior year) and he picked it because that’s where his best friend picked-he only applied to CMU, didn’t like any of the schools his parents took him to visit and refused to visit after the first two (Dartmouth was “too flat”).
So, in the spirit of serious, serious overcompensation, I am making D17 look at and apply to a lot of schools so she doesn’t make the same mistakes as we did. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t found College Confidential, because we are both nincompoops when it comes to how to choose a colleges-I’ve learned SO much here in the past year.
So, D17 won’t make our mistakes or the mistake du jour I see on CC all the time, but I’m sure she’ll get to make all new mistakes, lol.
My son is going to the last school I thought he would go to a year ago. 
D started out wanting a midsize school in the city in the south, with a distinct campus. As we visited schools some that fit that description perfectly fell off the list and others that had some characteristics but not all came on. We found that she liked bigger rather than smaller. An urban feel turned out to be more important than having a defined campus. She also became flexible on going south. In the end, only one school she applied to fit the initial description completely.
We first heard about her school from a person that my husband works with whose daughter strongly considered it. It was bigger than she was saying she wanted, not in the south, and there really isn’t a defined campus but we visited as part of a week long college tour just to see. It was the last school as we were heading back home and the visit was good but not great, I think because we were so tired. But the school grew on her and by the time the acceptances were coming in, it was one of two that she was most excited to get. We visited again on an accepted students day and she loved it. It still took her some time to decide as she also loved one other school. But in the end, money decided it for her and she is extremely happy with her choice.
@MotherOfDragons That’s a cute story. I could see it like a movie.
We were on the hunt for big merit aid, and found University of Kentucky via College Confidential.
We got the recommendation for undergrad school via a CC poster. And in addition, DD’s first instrumental music teacher at college was also a CC poster.
My dad insisted I go to school in-state because he was sure I’d want to come home every weekend (wrong, Dad). I didn’t have the grades for the flagship and for some reason turned up my nose at the directionals. So one weekend Dad and I got in the car and toured three private colleges within driving distance of home. I was a first-gen student so we didn’t even know you could take an official campus tour. I applied to those three schools - didn’t get into one, one seemed way too small, so I ended up at the other one. This was of course during ancient times when three applications was the norm.
- Back when life was far simpler, I was the top student at a well-regarded regional private day school, which essentially meant I could get accepted anywhere I wanted. I read up on colleges, and told my parents I wanted to go to UC Santa Cruz. They said no I didn't. Then I got interested in Stanford, and my mother told me my father thought there was nothing I could get at Stanford that I couldn't get closer to home that he was willing to pay for. My cousin (then a PhD student in English Literature, which is what I wanted to study, too) told me that there were only seven universities whose libraries could support serious scholarship. My parents excluded Stanford and Berkeley for the reason already given. Two of the remaining five were supposedly in bad neighborhoods. One of the remaining three had the best English Department in the world, and as an added bonus was not the college where most of the smart people in my mother's family had gone. My best friend wanted to go there, too. (Back then, we didn't worry about competing with one another.) That was it.
- My wife had a slightly more interesting route to the same college. She was a very good student (but not necessarily the best -- she hated math and languages) at a terrible public school in a small, isolated city. She desperately wanted out of the school; her parents were committed to public education pre-college, and refused to send her to a private school, but ultimately supported her graduating early and taking a gap year before college. Her high school would let her graduate early -- no one ever had before -- only if she had a college acceptance in hand. Only about 20% of the kids at the school ever went to college, and they wanted to be able to count her in their stats. By the time that was all worked out, most of the application deadlines had passed, so she basically applied at personal interviews. Her first choice, a women's college an hour from her home, told her that they wouldn't accept a 16-year-old, period, even with a gap year. An Ivy college she liked said it would accept her, but she couldn't take a gap year. The college we went to, which was more selective than the other two, said it would accept her and let her take the gap year. So she went there.
- Our oldest child had a long, comprehensive, rational evaluation process, which took into account advice from counselors, what she knew about people who had gone to colleges, what we and other parents told her about colleges, the mailings she got, visits, admissions game strategy, and lurking in the livejournal communities for the colleges she was interested in. The two colleges she clearly liked most didn't accept her, and among the colleges that accepted her she and we agreed that one offered the best mix of academics and intangibles. Plus, its livejournal community was way more interesting than any other college's, and everyone on it seemed to share my daughter's musical tastes.
- When we took her to start college, her brother, then a high-school junior, came along to help move her in. He was wearing a Tintin t-shirt. No one could tell the difference between him and scores of other nerdy, sweet boys who were entering freshmen. One after another, half a dozen attractive young women started conversations with him about Tintin. He had never met a girl other than his sister who knew who Tintin was, much less wanted to talk to him about Tintin. He decided his sister's college was, basically, paradise. He went there too.
The summer before junior year D15 researched schools that ranked high in her area of interest and made a list of schools she was interested in. Her father looked at that list and noted that our state flagship (we had just moved to that state) was not on her list even though it is good in her area of interest and a public ivy to boot. She said she wasn’t interested. Dad said she didn’t have to be interested, she didn’t have to apply, but she did have to at least do a college visit there. So it got added to the list.
We visited on a cold deary day. D said at the end of the day, “It wasn’t too bad. I don’t think I want to go here but I will apply.”
Fast forward to April of senior year and we are back for accepted students days with a determination to like the place because it is the best affordable choice available. Being greeted by the over enthusiastic marching band almost killed it but D gritted her teeth and determined to make this school work for her.
We came back in the summer for orientation with the same gritted teeth (on her part that is is, I was in love).
Move in day was more gritted teeth.
She loves the place now. It has been the absolute perfect fit for her. We all look back now on all the other options and dreams and think of how much better it is that things worked out this way.
Her dad is rather proud of himself and she has several good friends in marching band.
How things have changed since our days- and even between the older/younger of us parents. There was no way I was going to apply to Radcliffe instead of Harvard- even if they would have accepted me and there were sufficient funds. Of course, living in the upper Midwest my knowledge of east coast schools was limited. I also had figure out that even with full tuition, room and board I likely would not have been able to afford the lifestyle most of the others could (much less trips home). Today’s college students have so many more funding opportunities there will be more of modest means at the high cost schools. What a difference computers make in the search!
@JHS that’s adorable! Which college was the one your children went to?