<p>One more thought…I agree with others here who’ve recommended email as opposed to phone or face-to-face.</p>
<p>It allows the teacher to “hear” about the problem and absorb it, and think about how she wants to handle it without having to make an immediate response.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s not true at every school, but email communication with teachers at our school works great (and gives the extra benefit of a paper trail, should you need one).</p>
<p>This exact scenario happens all the time when a certain teacher at our high school loses papers. He appears to be having some memory problems, which makes him even more defensive. (Hasn’t happened to my kids, but to many others.)</p>
<p>He lost the grades of one poor girl, for weeks worth of work, and he required her to do it all over again!</p>
<p>I think this kind of thing is not minor at all, but symptomatic of some very deep problems in education.</p>
<p>Your son has tried three times, and it is very appropriate to intervene. As long as your son agrees.</p>
<p>This is a matter of justice, and I think we all need to hold public schools accountable for these things, large and small. The idea that the teacher is always right is scary, and has consequences for kids in the long run. The schools should exist for kids, not for the teachers.</p>
<p>I would not deal with this by e-mail, though a preliminary e-mail saying “x’s parents would like to meet with you about the matter of a missing paper,” would help.</p>
<p>Depending on school personnel, I would even ask a guidance counselor or dean for advice in handling it. Then you have some protection in advance in case things blow up.</p>
<p>My kids don’t even know their GPA’s, but would certainly protest this unfair downgrade of their A. And the solution should not be extra work on your son’s part. It should be an admission by the teacher that the paper was lost, an apology, and a correction of the grade.</p>
<p>Probably won’t happen, but, as I said, I think this is what we should continue to try for in our schools (and with our doctors, our politicians, and other authority figures who focus on self-preservation rather than service).</p>
<p>I also think you should intervene. Unfortunately, some teachers at my kids’ school are like the one at JHS’ son’s school: they are more likely to cooperate with the student when the parent gets involved. I think it’s very unfair to kids who have parents who are marginally involved (parents whose English isn’t good, parents who work long hours, etc), but that’s the reality of it and I’m not going to let my kid suffer over it.</p>
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<p>But the student hasn’t made a mistake. The teacher made a grading error. Like someone else said, we all make mistakes, we all misplace stuff. If you nonchalantly call it to the teacher’s attention, most will gladly correct their mistake. What would my daughter learn from just having to live with a 93 test grade that had been recorded as a 9? That it’s okay to get a C- for the term instead of an A because of a typo? </p>
<p>I like the idea of an email. It gives the teacher a record of it and more importantly, they can deal with it on their own schedule instead of having to respond right then.</p>
<p>I see nothing wrong with emailing the teacher and stating the situation in an appropriate tone. You should absolutely cc the guidance counselor. Copying the Principal is your call.</p>
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<p>Reading through the original post again, I think I missed an important thing here.</p>
<p>You say that your son is shy and lets himself get runover without putting up a fight? If this is the case, I would support the son but insist that he be the one to talk to the school/gc/principal. It is important that he learn how to stand up for himself politely to authority figures in way that gets results while maintaining a good relationship. He will need this skill in life, and if he relies on you in high school, he may not learn it very well. </p>
<p>(If your son actually has Aspergers, then you need to ask this question in a forum for people that know how to work with Aspies. We generally don’t.) </p>
<p>I know an adult whose employer stopped paying him one day, and he kept going to work for 6 weeks for no pay! He was too shy to stand up to the company and say “I will not work here unless you pay me.” This is an extreme example but it shows that it is important to stand up for yourself.</p>
<p>So yes, I would support him but I’d do it in a way that lets him bring the concern forward. For example, scheduling a quick meeting with the teacher and have the student express the concern, or something else that allows the student to be the one to handle it. </p>
<p>I think that learning to stand up for youself and be outspoken is as important as the actual material that you learn in high school.</p>
<p>The kid approached the teacher about this several times already. I think the parent should send an e-mail. Personally, I wouldn’t cc the counselor or principal at this point–to me, that signals that you already think the teacher won’t be reasonable. Wait until the teacher gives an unreasonable response to you.</p>
<p>We’ve been in this situation. A downside is that you have to be super-vigilant with all work the rest of the time you have this teacher, because the teacher won’t cut you any more slack if he has to back down.</p>
<p>You should consider the culture of your HS in deciding whether or not you cc or bcc the guidance counselor and principal. At our HS, it would be bad form and viewed quite negatively to include the GC or principal in the initial contact between a parent and teacher. The HS specifically requests and stresses in almost every meeting with parents that the initial communication is with the teacher only.</p>
<p>I emailed the teacher–only-- (politely, did not mention grade). I told him my S’s version of the events, and asked that S be given the chance to resubmit the assignment with corrections.</p>
<p>I got an email back and the teacher said he will allow S to resubmit, though, in telling HIS (the teacher’s) version of the story, he still implies that he thinks the kid lost the paper–and as “proof” of this he says that if S really didn’t get his paper back, he would’ve told him (the teacher) immediately. (S thinks it was the same day, but it may have been the next day or shortly after–he honestly can’t remember.) However, it seems the events are much more significant and memorable to the student, who is waiting for his ONE paper to be returned and worrying about not getting it back, than they are to the teacher who is just passing back another stack of papers to one of his 6 classes and has no idea that anything is amiss. I talked to S about the necessity of dealing with a missing item or ANY problem immediately–if he doesn’t, the problem only gets bigger and more complicated over time.</p>
<p>S said he did tell a couple students sitting near him at that moment when he didn’t get the paper back. This could probably be confirmed with those students if necessary. (I don’t think it is necessary to prove my kid isn’t a liar. . .though it is frustrating that the teacher won’t admit the “possiblity” that he MAY have lost the assignment. It could’ve been received by another student and thrown away, who knows?) If he delayed, S was probably trying to figure out what to do and getting up his courage to talk to the teacher.</p>
<p>Now–I’m going to email the teacher back and thank him for giving my kid the opportunity to correct the assignment. But should I also explain that the kid has communication issues and if he didn’t come to him immediately, it is not because he was “calculating” something? (“Mmm, I lost my paper, so I’ll pretend I didn’t get it back and blame it on the teacher, then I can still turn it in again for points. . .”)–S is so naive and UNcalculating–aspie, ocd kid, this is only his 2nd year in school so he is not at all savvy about these kinds of tricks-- the idea of this S doing something like that makes me LOL. Of course the teacher doesn’t know, (he may have only noticed that S is “quiet”) and he isn’t wrong to be suspicious of kids’ dishonesty because he probably sees enough of it (I was a teacher, I know. . .) Should I explain something about my S’s issues so the teacher will understand why <em>I</em> believe he is telling the truth?</p>
<p>BTW, I do let my kid handle his own stuff–this is the first time I’ve contacted a teacher on his behalf.</p>
<p>Personnally I wouldn’t do that. The teacher is letting your child hand it back in with corrections for a possible higher grade. The school year is just about over and I wouldn’t be going into anything with him right now. Just as you said, he has 6 classes and to pick up all the little details of each kid can be hard. I would let well enough be alone and just resubmit the corrected paper.</p>
<p>Yep, let it drop.</p>
<p>The teacher said he would have expected your son to tell him right away if he didn’t get his paper back:</p>
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<p>Which is exactly what happened in the first post</p>
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<p>But now you say it wasn’t immediately, but it was later that day, or the next day, or perhaps the day after that</p>
<p><a href=“S%20thinks%20it%20was%20the%20same%20day,%20but%20it%20may%20have%20been%20the%20next%20day%20or%20shortly%20after–he%20honestly%20can’t%20remember.”>quote</a>
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<p>So I wouldn’t get hung up on what happened and just let it drop. I don’t think you know for sure what happened, and the only person who does know is your son, and even he says he doesn’t remember.</p>
<p>I know that if all my classmates received a graded paper and I didn’t, I sure would be pestering the teacher for my grade, too!</p>
<p>Count me in, too, for leaving it be now. Your son gets what he wanted. Allow the teacher a little face-saving facade (even though we know he lost the paper!). Best of luck to your son as he moves ahead. Sounds like a great kid.</p>
<p>Sounds like a good resolution, and you must have done a great job writing your e-mail.</p>
<p>Did you mean your son has Asperger’s, or just that he is “Aspy-like”? Does he have an IEP or 504 plan?</p>
<p>I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying that your son is working on communication skills, that most times you are trying to step back to help him work on those, and that you appreciate the teacher’s help in straightening this all out.</p>
<p>Or something like that.</p>
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<p>Um, isn’t that the plot of Office Space?</p>
<p>It’s very hard for some students to stand up for themselves, especially with authority figures, and I agree it’s a critical skill for them to learn.</p>
<p>When I was in elementary school, our class took our weekly spelling test. I got mine back and the teacher had counted one word wrong. I spelled the word for attractive “pretty.” I took the paper back to her and asked her why she had counted “pretty” wrong. She said “because it’s spelled wrong. Go look it up.” I went back to my desk, completely bewildered, because I knew I had spelled it correctly. I was too timid to follow up. It bothered me for a long time afterward that I did not have the gumption to stand up for myself. Fortunately, it was the catalyst to push myself a little more in that direction, and I eventually grew out of my reticence to make waves. To this day, I still remember that teacher who didn’t know the correct spelling of “pretty!” Oh the injustice of it all, lol.</p>
<p>Glad things worked out for the OP’s son.</p>
<p>S does not have diagnosis–my choice not to have him evaluated–don’t really want to go into details on that. He functions very well academically at a large public school. (The more he is expected to “act normal” and the fewer special accommodations he has, the more progress I think he will make.) </p>
<p>Of course there is no way to know what really happened, but S insists his paper was not given back to him (kid is careful,organized to a fault), and I believe him. And the teacher agrees that S did ask about it afterward (if any delay was a sign of dishonesty–student trying to cover up-- is what the teacher wonders about).</p>
<p>— "I know an adult whose employer stopped paying him one day, and he kept going to work for 6 weeks for no pay! He was too shy to stand up to the company and say “I will not work here unless you pay me.”</p>
<p>That sounds like something S would do! I hope that he will learn how to speak up while he is still in high school. (I just thought of asking his other teachers to hold onto his papers to make him “practice”–jk)</p>