HS grade issue--should parent get involved?

Parents Forum
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<p>10th grade S had an assignment on which most of the class performed poorly. S received his grade (recorded on-line) 76%. The teacher returned the assignment and allowed students to make corrections--even turning it it multiple times to receive full credit. (This was the only assignment on which corrections for points was allowed.) When the teacher returned the papers, S did not receive his. S immediately asked the teacher for his paper. The teacher didn't have it, but said he "would look for it." (It was obvious S had turned it in because his grade had been recorded.) S waited for a reply, which never came. When S told me about the issue, I had him email the teacher to remind him about it. S also offered to turn in a copy of the original assignment (on computer at home), so it could be re-checked, and S could then make corrections. After the email, S asked the teacher about the issue the next day. The teacher had forgotten all about it and said, "If I have a grade recorded, you must've gotten it back. . .it is too late to do anything about it." The teacher did not acknowledge that HE (teacher) was the one who lost the paper--he implied that S lost it! At that point S left, disappointed. (S is a very shy/Aspie-type student--it was difficult for him to approach the teacher on this issue three times already. He did not try to argue with the teacher. He wants to give up on it, said, "Life isn't fair." S also observed that the teacher seems to be an "unreasonable type.") I wouldn't make an issue of this, but S now has an 89.4 in the class, and I think it is unfair that--since the teacher lost his paper--S did not have the same opportunity to make corrections/gain points as the other students. </p>

<p>Should <em>I</em> email the teacher? I thought of asking the teacher to allow S to turn in a copy of his paper--OR, asking him to consider that, if, at the end of the semester, the number of points S could have gained makes a difference on S's grade (it may not matter), that he give S the points.</p>

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<p>since your son already attempted to deal with this issue directly with no real response, I would think an email to the teacher to “politely inquire” would be reasonable. sometimes teachers expect to not have to really deal with the shy, unassertive kids, which isn’t really fair…good luck</p>

3

<p>What does your son want? I wouldn’t contact the teacher about it without your son’s ok.
He has to live with the teacher the rest of the year.</p>

<p>I know that neither of my kids would have wanted me to be involved with this kind of thing by 10th grade.</p>

4

<p>We had this happen numerous times over four years of HS for both sons. At times we had meetings with teacher and principal, often the story from the teacher would change over time. Most of the time we won. If my child followed the rules, did the work, and earned the grade, then he should not be punished by teacher error, if that error can be corrected. We learned to document, document, document. Conversations between our S and teachers are tracked in a calendar along with notes of the meeting, copies of work are copied and filed in case of teacher losing a paper, S noting when and where assignments were turned in and made sure there was a witness to turning it in, and S acted promptly to deal with the issue. We always try to be courteous and understanding of the teacher’s situation. Sometimes we have, however, had to go to the mats and had to prove the teacher was not truthful. The one comment that cannot be tolerated is, “He knows he did a good job, grades shouldn’t matter.” We all know they do.</p>

5

<p>Teachers, and I am one, are quirky about dealing with mistakes. Some are grateful that a kid brought the error to their attention while others become defensive (ick) because for whatever reason they believe that they are supposed to appear infallible. (Teachers don’t have a corner on this particular trait, I see it in adults everywhere) </p>

<p>Regardless, do say something. Be cordial, acknowledge that the teacher is busy and ask what, if anything your S’s next steps should be. That should diffuse most of the defensiveness. Also an email is good. It gives the teacher a chance to look for the work, check the records and overall get her/his act together before responding. </p>

<p>Keep copies of all exchanges.</p>

<p>Let us know how it goes.</p>

6

<p>If you decide to contact the teacher, do it via email, be very polite, and focus on your kid’s opportunity to learn from the corrections, rather than the grade. Definitely include the history of what has happened, including your S’s email. Also give the teacher the benefit of the doubt, ie, “perhaps my S misunderstood your response…” In fact, you might begin the email with something like “I don’t usually get involved in this type of dispute, but my son must have misunderstood your communications…”</p>

<p>Most importantly, CC his guidance counselor and the school principal. You will definitely get a response then. But in all communications make sure to express your appreciation for the teacher’s work ethic, accomplishments, attention to details, whatever true compliments you can think of. You do not want the teacher to get on the defensive. Do not just support your kid’s side no matter what. Instead, let the teacher know that you want to work with your son to support the teacher’s efforts in school. Your kid wants to learn to write better, and he’s frustrated and disappointed that he missed this opportunity to make corrections on this paper. You’re amazed at how organized this teacher manages to be despite large class sizes, budget cuts, lack of teacher assistants or enough secretarial support. You’re surprised that more papers aren’t misplaced considering the demands on teachers’ time these days…</p>

<p>But you know your son. Is there any way that he’s not giving the whole story? Let him know that if you find out that any part of his story does not hold water, you will make his life a living hx*#! :)</p>

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<p>I just love being able to see grades online. I catch several major mistakes a year (e.g. Pre-Calc test grade of 93 being recorded as a 9.) I shudder to think how many mistakes weren’t caught before we could see the grades. (I have an Aspie son, too, so any bad grades in the past we attributed to him not turning in the paper,etc.) Once his Comp Sci teacher gave him a 0 on a test because it wasn’t turned in. I sent him in to the teacher (not even he could forget to turn in a test he took in class.) The teacher had just put the test in the wrong stack.</p>

<p>Anyway, yes I get invovled and have no qualms about it. I even get invovled when my student doesn’t particularly care. For example, the PE teacher gave Son points off for having an unexcused absense. In the grand scheme of things, no big deal to get a 97 in PE instead of a 100. Howeve, the absence was for a college visit which WAS excused. I pursued it just to make sure the teacher knew in the future that college visits are excused.</p>

8

<p>

I say bcc them.</p>

9

<p>Thanks, folks. S doesn’t mind if I email the teacher, but I will let S see the message before I send it. I’ll be extra-polite. I have thoroughly quizzed S (aka “king of one-word answers”) to make sure that he is giving me all details of the story and that I have the correct understanding of his side of it. S is a reliable/honest/respectful kid/excellent student, but he does have trouble communicating clearly at times. </p>

<p>I’m not at all surprised that a teacher could lose a paper–I lose stuff all the time.</p>

<p>I won’t contact counselor or principal–yet. Maybe later, if we still can’t resolve it.</p>

10

<p>I had something like this that drove me crazy.</p>

<p>When my son was in 9th grade, he had a one-quarter art unit. He was not very good at art, but was working hard, and liking it, and basically maintaining an A–B+ average in the course. Someone stole the teacher’s grade book (nothing maintained on line, of course); she was furious and gave everyone in the class a C. She didn’t even tell them ahead of time that’s what she was going to do. That was my son’s only non-A grade that year. (It was always going to be his only non-A grade, but it wasn’t going to be a C.)</p>

<p>We were of the opinion that high school kids ought to work things out themselves. He went and talked to the teacher, offered to give her all of the assignments she had returned to him so she could see how she had graded them, etc. No dice.</p>

<p>A couple months later, I complained to an administrator about this, more or less in passing. He said, “I think you ought to talk to the teacher.” I called the teacher, and it turned out that the teacher had been raising C grades to B in that class for any student whose parent complained.</p>

<p>To add (minor) insult to (minor) injury, at the time the school’s method of calculating weighted GPA for ranking purposes would have effectively excluded that grade, so it wouldn’t have affected his weighted GPA or rank. But a year and a half later they changed the weighting system, so it was taken into account.</p>

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<p>I would not bcc the counselor or professor unless the teacher brushes you off. And I definitely agree with the “softpedaling” approach of saying, “I could have the story wrong, so please let me know… this is just how I have heard it from S’s perspective”. I usually say something like that at the beginning AND end of the e-mail. Cuz something kids don’t tell you everything (one of my kids is also a bit Aspie, and she sometimes misses information/cues/etc. that might be important in how this unfolded)…</p>

<p>OP, because I have a slightly Aspie kid, I do appreciate how hard it was for him to approach the teacher 3 times on this. That would be a MAJOR thing for my kid to do. And I do think you should contact the teacher.</p>

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<p>Some teachers, even good ones, are very slow to answer email. So, the cc (not bcc) to the counselor encourages an answer, because most counselors follow up with the teacher. The cc to the principal shows you mean business, but also, gives you a chance to be the first one to give your side to the principal. Remember, you’ve been very polite, even complimentary to the teacher, so the principal will see that you are a reasonable, polite, supportive parent. If the teacher turns out to be a defensive type, he may paint you (to the principal +/or counselor) as a demanding, unreasonable nut-case parent. He can’t do that if you’ve cc’d the principal. There is no advantage to a bcc, and it could come across as sneaky or vindictive. Most principals will barely read your cc at first, they’ll just keep it in case this ends up something that administration needs to be involved with. If it turns out the teacher in question has been a problem in the past, then you’re doing everyone a favor by cc-ing the principal from the get go.</p>

<p>And when this whole thing gets resolved, make sure to cc the principal with your email to the teacher… “thank you so much for your thoughtful resolution…we parents so appreciate teachers who go out of their way to make sure our kids reach their potential…”</p>

<p>By the way, I’m a public school teacher, so I do see both sides of this. Some parents come out with both barrels blazing over the smallest thing, so some teachers are very defensive from the get go. I’ve never understood this, because I find it pretty easy to diffuse the situation. It’s a bit off-topic, but I’ll give you a funny, but true example:</p>

<p>15 plus years ago I was teaching jr. high, and some girl did something extremely defiant, I can’t remember what it was. But it was severe enough for me to write a referral, which I’ve done maybe 10 times in my life. This was in the days before cell phones, and when I called the mom during my prep time, it turns out the kid had used the public phone (not allowed) between periods to call mom and complain about me. The parent went on and on, blasting me for how horrible I was, unfair, how all the other kids were doing the same as her daughter but I didn’t reprimand them, I was incompetent, etc. Here’s my response:</p>

<p>First of all, I want to congratulate you on the wonderful relationship that you have cultivated with your daughter! I’ve been teaching for a long time, and I see that most junior high school girls never communicate with their parents. They don’t tell mom anything, the only people they care about are their friends. And yet, when your daughter had a problem with a teacher, the very first thing she did was to call you and talk about it!? That’s amazing! I wish all my students had such a wonderful relationship with their parents. If all parents were like you, we’d have a lot fewer problems in schools, don’t you think? I have 3-year old daughter, and I certainly hope that as she grows up I can come close to having the kind of healthy communication you must have with your daughter. How do you do it?</p>

<p>Mom becomes silent, then, thank you so much, yes it’s hard being a parent these days, I’m a single mom, I try my best… but (much calmer now, even apologetic) my D said…</p>

<p>Me: Well, I can certainly understand how, from your daughter’s point of view, that is EXACTLY what happened. Let me give you my take, and let’s see how we can work together to help your daughter be at her best…</p>

<p>That mom ended up on “my side” all the way. But really, both of us (parent and teacher) are on the same side: the student’s side. And THAT’S what you want to get across to the teacher.</p>

<p>I think some teachers just become defensive, and forget to give parents and students the credit they are due. And some parents just attack (not suggesting that the OP is one of these at all!).</p>

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<p>With all three of my kids at some point they were not able to come to conclusion on some dispute with a teacher that bothered them. They can see scores on line and they have a rubric for every class so they know when something is out of wack that is weighted heavy enough to matter and generally take it to the teacher and I never hear a word. But there have been rare times when they wanted my intervention. I generally intervened as most above, and sent an e-mail. I almost always copy the guidance counselor. My oldest had a battle brewing with one teacher and for that intervention I did cc: the principal. He called and asked what I wanted him to do and I told him to put my son and the teacher in a room by themselves and they were not to come out until they reached a compromise as I was disgusted with both of them. He did and they did bend and make a truce. My one piece of advice is to pick your battles. My kids would tell you the same thing. If it’s a daily homework assignment and the difference between an 87% and 100% isn’t going to nudge the GPA one way or the other since it’s a fraction of a fraction of a percent in the grand scheme then perhaps your son might just want to let it go. Use his judgement as your guide.</p>

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<p>In my experience I would CC GC and/or principal depending on the the seriousness of the problem and if I believe this is a teacher that my communication alone would be effective with. In my experience a positive note that clearly states the problem will, as others have said, be deal with more swiftly if the teachers know others have been cc’d. I don’t see any reason to BCC. If I don’t cc anyone I will just forward it to the appropriate next level person if need be.</p>

15

<p>I don’t have a problem with you getting involved, but I would definitely leave out the “he’s so close to a A with an 89.4.” Makes you look like a grade grubber.</p>

<p>JHS, that would have really ticked me off.</p>

16

<p>Yes, I would email the teacher even if my child asked me not to. I let a lot of things go, but your child’s grade is involved here and he shouldn’t be penalized for the teacher’s error.</p>

<p>My S ( 8th grade) has had issues this year with a teacher who gets upset with him if he misses a class (even if he is sick). I let it go until he was not sure he was going to get credit for the quiz corrections which he turned in. I sent a very nice email thanking the teacher for her concern for my son and then made the point that the corrections were done. He got the credit. (BTW - S doesn’t know I sent that email).</p>

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<p>Good suggestions - this is not too unusual of a problem…but it is usually resolved when the parent and teacher have a phone conference. As a counselor, I always encourage the student to try to resolve the problem but if it isn’t handled properly, we want the parent to get involved.</p>

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<p>I’m very sympathetic with high schools that strongly discourage parental involvement with the day to day student-teacher interactions. The point is that the relatively minor issues that usually arise – disputes over grades on specific assignments, misunderstanding regarding assignments, late grades, etc. – provide the framework for students to learn how to deal with the annoying problems that they will face as adults. They’ll learn from their mistakes.</p>

<p>The case for trying to intervene in a dispute regarding one assignment in 10th grade that everyone did poorly on is very weak. Let the student deal with it. Ultimately it can’t have a meaningful consequence on success in high school.</p>

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<p>As my kids moved up in grades, we would conference at home about how to approach a teacher in a certain situation. I would hear feedback on the teacher’s response. If the student was unsuccessful in resolving the issue, we would discuss the pros and cons of me contacting the teacher. and then proceed.
I have found that if necessary, we have taken it to the principal, or copied the principal on the third or fourth attempt to clarify an issue, or set an appointment.
It is always in our favor to be able to say, first the kid went to the teacher, then I went the teacher, now we are coming to you.
These have been good lessons for my kids also, in following procedure, being assertive, when you know you are right, and respectful in dealing with someone in authority.
I also, although this may be against conventional wisdom, told them there was nothing wrong in getting the grade they deserved and fighting for it. Grades do matter; gpa does matter. They are working for this as well as an adult working for a salary or a bonus. If they have done the work, they deserve the compensation.</p>

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<p>I’m grateful that we’ve been lucky enough not to have this experience, but I would certainly support my daughter by becoming involved if her efforts to get a fair resolution failed.</p>

<p>After all, although ultimately it is the learning that matters, grades are the “coin of the realm.”. When a mistake is made, it absolutely should be corrected. </p>

<p>I would be professional and friendly in my approach, state my understanding of the facts, and (very important) communicate clearly what I am asking the teacher to do to rectify the situation. Grades are like other accounting/transactional systems…either accuracy and precision matter or they don’t. It’s not ok to say they matter sometimes (when the school calculates your gpa), but not others (when a student isn’t given the same opportunity to earn points as others).</p>

<p>A courteous, professional approach goes a long way.</p>