<p>Hi guys,
I'm just transferring from a community college to a good university in California. I've had a lot of trouble even before starting out college for I was a "homeless and at risk student." I started working right away and I was so afraid to not have anyone fall back on in case I needed rent (once I got an apartment) that my grades suffered a lot so that I could work. During this time though I joined a debate team and won numerous awards. I didn't have as much time to practice as everyone else did so sleep wasn't a big thing for me. During my first year of college my hair was falling out from the stress and I would have intense panic attacks. I walked to work sat and sun morning at 5am in order to get there by 6. I sometimes had to run 30 min right after work to get to the college where I debated (not my college, it was a hybrid team). I did get bad grades this year. Then summer happened, I no longer had debate and I quit that terrible job. I took 4 classes and interned at an embassy and got straight As. I patched things up with my mom and moved back in with her. Then the emotional abuse began and I fell apart but I kept trying. I worked for an international organization, I went to Washington DC to represent my school and was interviewed on tv too. things were picking up, and then my dad committed suicide. I fell apart. My grades dropped so low (2.96) that I didn't even think it was worth applying to any college. My sister found out I had all but given up and pushed me the day before the application was do so I wrote the essay that day and ended up getting into a few good colleges. I feel so fortunate and blessed to have come this far. But I still feel so inadequate. I don't think I deserve it. My facebook is constantly filled with my friend's amazing activism done at Cal, Colombia, Stanford, Harvard, etc. How did I accidentally meet and befriend a ton of ivy leagers? </p>
<p>I always feel so inadequate when seeing what they have been doing. I'm always working and at some points I've had two jobs. I have a lot of savings but I'm always afraid I'll end up on the streets so I work more and more. I'm always afraid and I can't succeed like I want to. I'm going to India this summer to work in a Hospital with another school and I still feel like...I can't do that. I have to work. What if I come back and my mom killed herself too? (shes been threatening). How can I spend nearly 2,000 when I have only 9,000 in savings?! I have no one to rely on so I keep trying to save more and more. I'm just so afraid of the streets. </p>
<p>I'm sorry this is long. I don't talk to anyone about this because people just look at me like I'm a charity case. I just want to know how can I get out of this mindset and follow my dreams. </p>
<p>hi there. I just read through your post, and I was touched by your story. I’m extremely sorry for your loss, and as for your home-life, I can only pray that things get better for you. </p>
<p>First off, don’t compare yourself to your peers. Ever. Who cares if so and so is at Harvard? I highly doubt that any of them had nearly as difficult a journey as you have. Your story is one of those that you hear on TV, from a super famous/accomplished person, and you can hardly believe its true. Don’t give up in school. Perhaps you can do a work-study arrangement and balance work and school. </p>
<p>It’s obvious that your very smart and can perform well when you aren’t sidetracked with a million other responsibilities. Push yourself as hard as you can to make your academics your priority - an education is the best bet to ensure you’ll never be on the streets. Simply graduating from college is a tremendous achievement. And if you turn around your GPA and really tell your story, you’d be surprised, perhaps you could get into grad school at one of the schools your friends go to.</p>
<p>One last thing - i’ve seen lots of fundraising campaigns from students like you, on Indiegogo or GoFundMe. If you tell your story (perhaps upload a video) and really get personal, I’m sure people would donate. I know that it sucks to ask for money, and is a definite blow to the pride, but sometimes you gotta know when you need help.</p>
<p>This quote from Harriet Beecher Stowe pretty much sums it up: “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”</p>
<p>TL;DR Don’t give up! You are definitely not inadequate and never will be.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for your advice and thoughts! I read it several times over the last few hours and it really means a lot to hear from someone that maybe there’s still a chance to turn everything around. There isn’t much I can say except thanks for taking the time out of your day to lift the heart of a stranger. 
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<p>OP, please please please know that you are in my prayers and that you will be given love and light if you can just be brave enough to look for it. Your feelings are understandable and if anyone had been through what you have, they would most likely say that those are normal reactions given your situation (which most of us have not had to go thorugh). But they are just feelings…let them exist, emitions aren’t “good” or “bad,” they just are. But know that you ARE an incredible person. Just the fact that you were brave enough to share this means so much to those who read it. You have come so far, don’t give up now! You don’t have to take on the rest of your life at this very moment. Just let yourself listen to your heart and make the best decisions you can given what you have available. You are not inadequate. You are more than enough. You are going to be okay. I am so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and please do keep in touch with this website, there are wonderful people who come here.</p>