@publisher fear is sometimes a very good reason to make a decision. As has been said before, many kids will not thrive in a hyper-competative serious, intellectual environment. It would be a real disserve to send such a kid to Princeton, Columbia or UChicago.
@gallentjill: I agree. We agree.
My post above was just addressing an issue raised by @LoveTheBard.
@Publisher I fully agree with you about lots of mature students and lots of personal growth at state universities. I’m sorry my post came off the wrong way. There are plenty of excellent reasons to choose State U. But a bad reason is that a kid is scared to try something different or isn’t confident in themselves or doesn’t want to stretch to be with kids that are different from them. For some kids, though, needing to be with kids more like them is important. It’s all fact specific. And many State U’s are incredibly diverse, which goes back to specific facts. Again, sorry the comment came out the wrong way.
I can sympathize. My son doesn’t seem to be really taking the reigns as far as researching schools, and he seems averse to pulling the multitude of strings he has available to him that could give him a leg up in admissions. Ultimately, it has to be the kid’s decision. My advice would be to take them for a visit. Maybe you could write out your reasons for thinking it would be a good opportunity for him? Present it to him and let him do with it what he will. Someone else recommended having some one-on-one conversations and also making a family game-plan. That post contained some particularly good advice. Also, the biggest lesson I’ve learned in parenting teenagers is - never take anything they say as gospel, as they are always changing their minds. Try not to freak out too much about anything because tomorrow they could decide to do a 180.
We have close friends who steered their son to a neighboring state flagship because he had no interest in looking at options, friends were going there, it had a major he thought he could pursue, and that was that. His sister attends our state flagship at school therein that is hugely competitive, and it took a lot of work to get accepted. So the parents knew the ropes, but were at a loss when their son just wasn’t moved to try.
I would be frustrated too. Besides the opportunity your alma mater offers, the potential better fit is important too. It would be so helpful if he could articulate why. Maybe if your wife agreed to back you up and look at all options, your son would follow her lead and then when it came to decision-time everyone would know what was behind it.
Please stop. You keep essentially catcalling me as if I owe you an opening to violate my family’s right to privacy on a public message board. Please leave the thread if you can’t control yourself.
Maybe it is within whatever you consider a top flagship cohort, does that matter if he can’t articulate what he wants to pursue? Most of the top flagships are known for engineering, nursing, teaching and accounting. And they’re very overwhelming places for the undecided. He can’t articulate a particular interest, hence why I’m inclined to believe a true private liberal arts education at a top ranked university is the best fit to disrupt his sheltered bubble. I don’t care what he studies at my alma mater, whatever he’s becomes passionate with is okay. I just know he’ll finish, become smarter, and the connections are priceless. Less risk, far more upside.
This actually makes quite a bit of sense. If I had an undecided kid, I would also be looking for a school with good connections and the ability to explore a wide range of subjects. Does it have to be your alma mater? If, for whatever reason, your school doesn’t appeal to him, how about looking at other privates that might give him similar opportunities?
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Closing thread. There seems little constructive left to say and the conversation is just going in circles.