I can't keep a job.

Parents Forum
1

<p>How do I explain to my parents that my social difficulties are hindering me from keeping me a job? I've had a few jobs before and most of them went terribly because of pressures to be socially competent and alert at all times. Both customers and co-workers alike were annoyed and angered with my inability to keep up with work and help them, they often lost patience with me and I have never looked so stupid in my life.</p>

<p>I told my parents that I wanted to take summer classes and they said that money might be a problem and that I would have to get a job. I have no problem with getting a job, but it is me that is the problem, not work in itself. My anxiety and Asperger's Syndrome, which were both diagnosed by the way, get in way of being a good employee.
I've applied to the library several times and they never have any openings. The only jobs that are immediately available are stuff that I'm horrible at like cashier and customer service. I'm terrible at the jobs that any idiot can do and that is embarrassing.</p>

<p>When I tried to explain this to my Mom she said that she won't always be able to take care of me. I understand this and I wish she would stop thinking that I want to be dependent on her. If I had a choice, I would be 100% independent, but the problems I stated here so far are keeping me from doing so. I keep explaining to her that once I graduate from college I will have the skills for a certain job, but she keeps saying that many people both work and go to school. I understand this, but the problem is that I'm not everyone else. I have far more mental problems that the average person and I'm just going to be in the same situations all over again.
If I get a job, I want to know exactly what I'm doing and do it efficiently and at the same pace as everyone else, or even faster and sharper than everyone if possible. I do not want to be the imbecile that slows everyone down, which usually happens. </p>

<p>I always end up quitting because my relationship with my co-workers and customers are so strained that my entire day gets ruined and I get bad vibes before I even start working.
I do not care about having fun on the job. I will suck it up no matter how boring and bland it is. I know that a job is a job and money is the main objective, but I'm not about to look retarded for minimum-wage chump change. I want to keep my dignity.
How do I explain this to my parents?</p>

<p>Also, I asked my Mom if I could work at her hair salon and she told me that she wanted me to go to the "real world" and to stop hiding behind her. :/</p>

2

<p>
[quote]
I'm not about to look retarded for minimum-wage chump change. I want to keep my dignity.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>A great way to keep your dignity is to not say what you said in the sentence right before that.</p>

<p>My guess is that your customers and co-workers are angry and annoyed at you because of your horrible attitude, not because you slow things down.</p>

<p>It looks to me like you need a rote job, with easy tasks you can cross off a list, with minimal interaction with the public.</p>

3

<p>I believe that I was nice. I didn't smile and laugh on cue as I'm not a good actress, but I did try to keep a pleasant demeanor. I'll admit that after awhile I did get frustrated myself and gave them the same attitude back. I just hate looking stupid and being treated as if I'm stupid. I remember some co-workers being very condescending and talking to me as if I was a child. Of course I'm going to be upset at this.
They were just very impatient and they really did give exasperated looks and were surprised at how slow I was when it comes to learning such things.</p>

<p>The rote job thing is a good idea. I did try to to find a job where I can just stock shelves or work in a warehouse, but they all required that I should be able to carry 50lbs. I tried to lift 50lbs worth of books and I could barely lift it up, let alone walk around with it. </p>

<p>Rote jobs do sound ideal though. I have high tolerance for monotony and predictability.</p>

4

<p>"I'm terrible at the jobs that any idiot can do ..." and unqualified to do anything else? </p>

<p>TA, it's really hard for adults who work hard every day to help you with this. Please do us a favor and start a new thread along the lines of "I'm considering Jobs A and B and C for the summer, each of which is appealing in most ways. Which of these might be a problem for someone with Asperger's?"</p>

5

<p>Dear TA3021,</p>

<p>You have wonderful command of the English language and express yourself beautifully in written text. Perhaps you need to look into work that can be done via the internet or deals more directly with the written word. </p>

<p>Your highschool or college counseling services and/or career center should be able to assist you in matching you up with work that better suits your set of skills.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>Annika</p>

6

<p>What about something with labor for the summer- landscaping helper, etc. It could allow you to show how well you can do at the actual job, but seek something that minimizes the involvement with co-workers and customers minute by minute.</p>

7

<p>great advice from post # 5
Also, here are a couple of links that you may have already seen , but if not , might find useful :</p>

<p>Aspergers</a> young adults transition program New Haven Connecticut</p>

8

<p>
[quote]
I'm not about to look retarded for minimum-wage chump change. I want to keep my dignity.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I apologize to anyone I offended with this quote. I did not mean any harm, it was just that this was how I was actually viewed. I still shouldn't have came off so strong though.</p>

<p>Thank you everyone. :)</p>

9

<p>Honestly, losing the condescending attitude about "minimum wage" jobs like cashiering and customer service might benefit with you. Especially in this economy, it's unlikely you'll be hired with no experience or references for a more advanced position.</p>

<p>I worked fast food for two years, and I'm in a retail job now. I struggle with anxiety and discomfort on the job, but being able to work with other people and master basic skills like manning a cash register are important. Sometimes, if you need the money, it's just something you'll have to push through. It's perfectly natural to want to be at the same level as your coworkers, but it usually takes new workers a while to reach that level. Most coworkers aren't going to resent you for taking your time to learn how to do things right. Being patient and working hard to acquire the skills you need to be successful are important. You can't just jump into a new job and expect to know everything right away. It's going to take a while, and it might cause some embarrassment before you figure it all out, but learning to cope with that is important, too. If you go into it willing to learn, and willing to listen to your coworkers, it might decrease the tension and irritation.</p>

<p>If you're stuck for job ideas, I would suggest maybe transcription, data entry, or movie theater jobs. If your local post office or UPS/Fedex center is hiring, there are tons of behind the scenes jobs there. You could also check Craigslist, and search for jobs by category.</p>

10

<p>Did anyone catch the fact that the OP has Asperger's? Not having normal social interaction is a part of the syndrome and that may be part of the presentation of the situation here.</p>

<p>Typically Asperger's affected folks have amazing ability at something. The guy who fixed my appliances last week was an Aspie and on Wall Street there are an amazing number in jobs requiring brilliance in math</p>

<p>I'm thinking you need to look at jobs that will appreciate what you excel in.</p>

11

<p>TA, you did, in fact, offend me with that quote. Thank you for your apology.</p>

<p>Some good jobs for you (rote, minimal contact):</p>

<ul>
<li><p>Reshelving books at the library (I know, those jobs are few)</p></li>
<li><p>Stocking shelves at the bookstore/supermarket</p></li>
<li><p>Bagging pre-ordered groceries (Stop & Shop Peapod)</p></li>
<li><p>cleaning tasks (remember to wear gloves)</p></li>
<li><p>shoveling snow/raking leaves/picking weeds</p></li>
<li><p>copying, faxing, stuffing envelopes (local chamber of commerce?)</p></li>
<li><p>typing (I don't have Asperger's, but I made tons of money in college typing other people's papers)</p></li>
<li><p>data entry (very difficult to find diligent workers, this sounds ideal for you)</p></li>
</ul>

<p>Also check out your local Walmart. The founder/owner has an autistic child, and hiring is friendly. Make sure you own up to the fact that you're not good with the public.</p>

<p>And most of all.....good luck to you. :)</p>

12

<p>As a parent of an Aspie 18-year-old who has struggled with school and work issues, I can understand what you are going through. And if I've read you past posts correctly (I did a quick scan), your diagnosis is relatively recent. A lot of what you've written in this thread deals with adjusting to the diagnosis more than anything else. With your Mom, I think she is in a bit of misunderstanding/denial regarding your need for support. And in a high-achiever family, that can be difficult to work through. </p>

<p>As to your adjustment to the diagnosis, you are further along the road than your mom, but you still have a way to go to deal with the issues of having to do things "differently" to get through life. For example, your issue of work dignity has more not being labled as cognitively challenged. Aspergers is a sensory integration issue that typically does not interfere with cognitive ability. Unfortunately, the world is not as accepting of the social skill challenges that Aspies have to deal with. Given that this behavior of others (in the larger population) is not likely to change soon, the only way forward is to change your attitude towards their behavior. I'm not saying that you need to like the way they treat you, but accepting their ignorance of your condition is at least doing your part to meet them half way. And part of that meeting them half-way is learning to accept that you need to prove yourself to them. And part of that may include doing work that is beneath you (cognitively speaking).</p>

<p>I'm not sure how many Aspies you've become acquainted with, but they are all different, just as all other people are different. Yes, many have the same interests, but perhaps we notice that more because of their narrow focus on those interest. And many Aspies can learn many different jobs that believe it or not require interaction with people on a regular basis.</p>

<p>You mentioned store clerk as one of those jobs that you would hate. My son is a grocery store clerk. It took him a long time to "learn" how to interact with customers, but he turned the ability to retain large numbers of seemingly unimportant facts (he knows what is on sale, where things are, etc. better than most) into a positive. In the grocery environment, he deals mostly with people who are not his peers (mostly older). It is not as challenging socially, and he is able to focus on the needs of the customer without trying to analyze any deeper meaning of the interaction.</p>

<p>What I am suggesting by presenting this is that you can work in the public eye. Yes, you may show inappropriate, or a lack of appropriate emotion in certain situations, but if you focus on being cheerful in all interactions, it is difficult for most people to get angry at someone with such an attitude. You sound a bit depressed, and certainly that must be dealt with in order to make this behavioral change. </p>

<p>As to resources to finding appropriate jobs with supportive management (also a critical ingredient to my son's success), you might want to contact your local vocational rehab agency. Yes, they should be able to help people with all types of disabilities. And they will hook you up with more friendly employment environments and hopefully work with your management to make you successful in your employment.</p>

<p>Hopefully, you can get the help you need. You do need to get your family on board, as it is difficult to move forward alone.</p>

<p>Feel free to ask more questions.</p>

13

<p>Based on your writing skills, I bet your smart. How about trying out your skills as a web researcher? No public contact required.<br>
Here's an example:
FAQ’s</a> | ChaCha</p>

14

<p>TA: you might want to take a look at Temple Grandin's book, Developing Talents. She provides a lot of practical advice (much of which may sound very similar to goaliedad's post). With respect to specific jobs here is a link to a short summary by her which lists jobs/careers that may be good (and not so good) for individuals on the autism spectrum:</p>

<p>
[quote]
Table 1 Bad Jobs for People with High Functioning Autism or Asperger's Syndrome: Jobs that require high demands on short-term working memory
Cashier -- making change quickly puts too much demand on short-term working memory
Short order cook -- Have to keep track of many orders and cook many different things at the same time
Waitress -- Especially difficult if have to keep track of many different tables
Casino dealer -- Too many things to keep track of
Taxi dispatcher -- Too many things to keep track of
Taking oral dictation -- Difficult due to auditory processing problems
Airline ticket agent -- Deal with angry people when flights are cancelled
Future market trader -- Totally impossible
Air traffic controller -- Information overload and stress
Receptionist and telephone operator -- Would have problems when the switch board got busy </p>

<p>Table 2 Good Jobs for Visual Thinkers
Computer programming -- Wide-open field with many jobs available especially in industrial automation, software design, business computers, communications and network systems
Drafting -- Engineering drawings and computer aided drafting. This job can offer many opportunities. Drafting is an excellent portal of entry for many interesting technical jobs. I know people who started out at a company doing drafting and then moved into designing and laying out entire factories. To become really skilled at drafting, one needs to learn how to draw by hand first. I have observed that most of the people who draw beautiful drawings on a computer learned to draw by hand first. People who never learn to draw by hand first tend to leave important details out of their drawings.
Commercial art -- Advertising and magazine layout can be done as freelance work
Photography -- Still and video, TV cameraman can be done as freelance work
Equipment designing -- Many industries, often a person starts as a draftsman and then moves into designing factory equipment
Animal trainer or veterinary technician -- Dog obedience trainer, behavior problem consultant
Automobile mechanic -- Can visualize how the entire car works
Computer-troubleshooter and repair -- Can visualize problems in computers and networks
Small appliance and lawnmower repair -- Can make a nice local business
Handcrafts of many different types such as wood carving, jewelry making, ceramics, etc.
Laboratory technician -- Who modifies and builds specialized lab equipment
Web page design -- Find a good niche market can be done as freelance work
Building trades -- Carpenter or welder. These jobs make good use of visual skills but some people will not be able to do them well due to motor and coordination problems.
Video game designer -- Stay out of this field. Jobs are scarce and the field is overcrowded. There are many more jobs in industrial, communications business and software design computer programming. Another bad thing about this job is exposure to violent images.
Computer animation -- Visual thinkers would be very good at this field, but there is more competition in this field than in business or industrial computer programming. Businesses are recruiting immigrants from overseas because there is a shortage of good programmers in business and industrial fields.
Building maintenance -- Fixes broken pipes, windows and other things in an apartment complex, hotel or office building
Factory maintenance -- Repairs and fixes factory equipment </p>

<p>Table 3 Good Jobs for Non-Visual Thinkers: Those who are good at math, music or facts
Accounting -- Get very good in a specialized field such as income taxes
Library science -- reference librarian. Help people find information in the library or on the Internet.
Computer programming -- Less visual types can be done as freelance work
Engineering -- Electrical, electronic and chemical engineering
Journalist -- Very accurate facts, can be done as freelance
Copy editor -- Corrects manuscripts. Many people freelance for larger publishers
Taxi driver -- Knows where every street is
Inventory control -- Keeps track of merchandise stocked in a store
Tuning pianos and other musical instruments, can be done as freelance work
Laboratory technician -- Running laboratory equipment
Bank Teller -- Very accurate money counting, much less demand on short-term working memory than a busy cashier who mostly makes change quickly
Clerk and filing jobs -- knows where every file is
Telemarketing -- Get to repeat the same thing over and over, selling on the telephone. Noisy environment may be a problem. Telephone sales avoids many social problems.
Statistician -- Work in many different fields such as research, census bureau, industrial quality control, U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, etc.
Physicist or mathematician -- There are very few jobs in these fields. Only the very brilliant can get and keep jobs. Jobs are much more plentiful in computer programming and accounting. </p>

<p>Table 4 Jobs for Nonverbal People with Autism or People with Poor Verbal Skills
Reshelving library books -- Can memorize the entire numbering system and shelf locations
Factory assembly work -- Especially if the environment is quiet
Copy shop -- Running photocopies. Printing jobs should be lined up by somebody else
Janitor jobs -- Cleaning floors, toilets, windows and offices
Restocking shelves -- In many types of stores
Recycling plant -- Sorting jobs
Warehouse -- Loading trucks, stacking boxes
Lawn and garden work -- Mowing lawns and landscaping work
Data entry -- If the person has fine motor problems, this would be a bad job
Fast food restaurant -- Cleaning and cooking jobs with little demand on short-term memory
Plant care -- Water plants in a large office building

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Choosing</a> the Right Job for People with Autism or Asperger's Syndrome</p>

15

<p>No one aspires to have a minimum wage job. Ease up on th OP..she has issues not like you. Personally TA , I think you are quite articulate and hope you find a job that is well suited for you</p>

16

<p>I thought of a job that you might want to check into as a part-time/summer job. I know where I live, they've been advertising for census workers. I know that our household has been selected for a long-term employment sampling, so I've been getting regular calls from a census employee asking about working hours and what not. </p>

<p>It is a job where the people interaction would be defined and much of it could be telephone work, eliminating that facial expression processing that is so much work. And federal work is probably more disability friendly than most. You can probably google the census bureau's job site to see if they are hiring in your area.</p>

17

<p>Census worker sounds better than what I was thinking - that she could clean hotel rooms.</p>

18

<p>first of all, there is probably job training for disabled people in the area where you live. you could look for a state or city/county disability or employment office or ask a school counselor or something, if you can't find it online. They might be able to work with you on job skills, intervene with employers on your behalf to help you find a suitable job, suggest fields you could work in, etc. The skills you get from working summer jobs, even if they're not jobs you want to keep forever, ARE valuable. Now's the time to start learning how to work with people, even those you don't like, because you don't escape that even with a college degree. I don't know much about these programs, and I imagine they vary, but some are probably low-cost or free.</p>

<p>With that said, is there a hotel in your area? Maybe you could work in housekeeping--you'd be by yourself or with one other person most of the time, and the work is quite repetitive. Working in the back of a dry cleaner/laundry, petsitting, and factory/warehouse work (maybe a shipping department, where you package things people order...is there a mail-order company based in your area, perhaps?) could also be good jobs that might require only your level of experience and fairly little customer interaction. </p>

<p>No matter where you go, though, there will be supervisors and co-workers to function with--you don't have to be best friends but you do have to do well enough not to quit or get fired, which is where the job counseling comes in.</p>

19

<p>The Stop and Shop in my area hires many people with disabilities to bag groceries and gather carts. Not sure if this is true of their other stores. They may be more tolerant of personality differences.</p>

20

<p>First, hugs to you, OP. My very bright son has Asperger's and I so worry about a future of un- or underemployment for him. When he showed a strong interest in psychology I strongly encouraged that - I think a job like school district diagnostician would be great for him.</p>

<p>The initial alarm bells went off a few summers ago when he almost got fired from a *volunteer *job. We explained Asperger's to his boss and he wasn't fired, but it was a terrible job for an Aspie. (Swim instructor aide - he's great at the swimming part, but not good at figuriing out that you speak differently to toddlers, 2nd graders, 6th graders, etc. Plus, the head teacher expected him to know what she wanted him to do without *telling *him what to do. Didn't work! I'm sure the teacher had been sending all sorts of non-verbal signals of disappoval but he wasn't getting them.) </p>

<p>Here's the part that might help you, OP: We told Son to talk to the head teacher every day after lessons were over - did he do okay? Is there something she wanted him to do that he didn't do? </p>

<p>When you get that next job, you don't have to out yourself to your boss, but you can say something about being just terrible at reading people's faces, don't worry about hurting my feelings, just give me immediate feedback if I'm doing something wrong. Ask the supervisor on a regular basis how you are doing, what you could do better.</p>

<p>I wish you all the best!!!!!</p>

<p>By the way, Son is working part time at our local grocery store (courtesty clerk). It is going well.</p>