I’m a 20 year old male. I just completed my third year of college. I haven’t been doing that well in school. I was studying Biology with the intention of probably going to PA school. However my grades were poor, and then I realized I probably don’t want to be a PA. I was thinking about becoming a nurse. I was thinking about dropping out of my university and just take prerequisite courses at my local community college for nursing programs in my area.
However, I thought about it and I realize nursing is a socially demanding field. I have social anxiety. I’m very shy with no people skills. I don’t think nursing will be a good fit for me. The thing is that I don’t know what else I want to do. I don’t have a passion for anything. I don’t have the motivation to do anything with my life. However, I don’t just want to be a bum or work dead-end jobs my whole life.
I was kind of forced to go to college after high school by my mother. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go to college. I didn’t even know what to major in. I changed my major three times before I settled on Biology, but then I realized I don’t really want to study that. I wish I would have took a few years off after high school before deciding if I want to go to college. If I would have done that, I wouldn’t be in debt right now with no direction.
I feel awful that I don’t know what direction I want to go. I have $20,000 of student loan debt right now. The only thing I do every day is sit on my couch all day on my laptop. My life sucks right now, but I don’t know what to do to make it better.
I really need some advice. It would be much appreciated.
@Devin2019
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so badly about yourself and the direction of your future. Reaching out the way you have is absolutely the right thing to do. Here are my thoughts after reading your post:
The most important piece of advice I have is for you to go to your college health clinic and tell them you’ve been experiencing anxiety and depression. It is really difficult to make important decisions when you’re living under the fog of such hopeless feelings.
Is it possible that you have ADHD? It often doesn’t manifest in the manner that is frequently stereotyped (being hyperactive, for example). My husband and I, as well as our daughter, all have ADHD. You can live a successful life with ADHD but it’s critical to manage it. Managing ADHD generally means a combination of medication and coaching. I recommend you read up on ADHD in adults and see if it might apply to you. Living with undiagnosed ADHD often leads to both anxiety and depression because it can make you feel like you’re failing. My husband failed out of two colleges before being correctly diagnosed. He went on to successfully complete his degree, to gain acceptance to medical school and to excel in his chosen specialty.
I’m pretty sure that you’ll find you have a passion for something. If you’re dealing with depression, it’s hard to find that passion. I recommend giving yourself a break about not feeling passionate about anything right now.
Once you’ve been treated for anxiety/depression and once you’ve investigated the possibility of ADHD, then come back to the question of passion. When the time comes, think about what makes you excited, what lifts your spirits and gives you that natural high—and don’t limit yourself to career thoughts—think in generalities and everyday life. Think about the interactions you’ve had with people…what made you happy? Think about scanning the news…what makes you angry or what piques your interest? Those are ways you can narrow down what your passions are.
In conclusion, if you’re suffering from depression and anxiety, and if there’s a possibility of ADHD (and even if there’s not), it would be extremely difficult to do well in college, particularly when you’re studying something that doesn’t incite any passion in you. You’ve got to give yourself a break and instead pat yourself on the back for trying to power through and for reaching out for help. I hope this advice is helpful to you and that you start to feel better about things soon.
@Devin2019
Here’s a link to a genetic testing service that is likely paid for under your college health plan. It looks at your genes and tells you which medications are effective for your profile. This is incredibly helpful and it drastically reduced the trial and error that so many of us have endured to find the right medication. This is something you can ask your doctor about.
I hit some major speed bumps in college, and describe the last year as dragging myself across the finish line.
Back in the early 80s, there weren’t nearly as many options for getting good help. I think I would have benefited, greatly, from in-it-for-the-long-term therapy & learning more about how the mind works (secular Buddhism).
I did see a therapist on campus end of junior year, and she helped me figure out how to chip away at the credits I needed to in order to graduate — most helpful was finding a way for me to meet the language requirement, which I had put off and put off and put off until it looked like I wasn’t going to graduate on time.
One thing that can be helpful about seeing a therapist regularly, is many people want to see progress and not disappoint the therapist. Ex: you might find yourself eager to tell your therapist you went for a long walk in the woods 2x last week, and you met a friend for coffee 1x, instead of “I sat on the couch all day on my laptop”. These “small things” can amount to big changes, with time, with the help of a professional.
LOTS of people feel uncertain about their futures, direction, and motivation. Some people thrive once they get out of school and just start working & earning some money. I know I was so relieved to be done with school, even working a “crappy” job (that paid all my bills), that was completely unrelated to my major.
The debt you are describing may seem HUGE to you, but another way of looking at it is it’s about the cost of a nice car. The car will fail, but your education and degree cannot be taken away from you.
I’m glad you posted. You already know you need to take some steps, and you’ve started. Keep going!
While you are on the computer, take a look at the minimum requirements needed to graduate with your current major. How close are you to finishing those?
Do you have any space for electives your senior year? Pick out a couple that look like they would be fun to take and/or might apply to any career other than biologist. Think about taking those classes.
This summer, get some help for the social anxiety. If you need to, take the fall semester or the whole year off. Yes, your loans will come due, but if you can live at home even just a part-time fast-food job can help you knock back some of the debt.
Don’t drop out if you are only a year away from completion. You will regret it forever. Doesn’t much matter what the degree is in at this point. Just having one, even with “eh” grades is better than having “some college” and 20k in debt. Leaving and coming back to school is hard… you can lose credits in transfer, you can struggle to get financing to pay for college due to all the debt already present.
Get a job this summer. Just work and save and try to have some fun. Go back to school in the Fall and just finish.
One thing that a counselor can help you with is reframing your mindset. Right now it sounds like you are stuck in an all or nothing negative mindset. Reframing might help you develop more hopeful thoughts about yourself and life, the realization that most states are temporary, and that moving forward is a step by step process. From that perhaps you can come up with an action plan to suit you. You are trying to figure out the big picture of your life all at once. Life isn’t discrete like that. I agree with others, finish your degree. Take other actions to plan next steps, knowing they are steps.
Well, I have a little different take because of my exposure, both for myself and one of my kids, to non-traditional college options. I would not accrue any more debt at this time, when you are feeling apathetic. I would take a leave of absence and work for a semester or two, and go back and finish.
Many schools will take you with 90 transfer credits and you can finish a major (or start one) by taking 10 classes/30 credits. There is plenty of time. And there are plenty of continuing ed/adult learner/degree completion programs. You can work and take one class at a time, or two, and finish over time. It’s fine.
Can anyone in your family help you with the debt? Can you live at home and work and pay it off? Even at low wages, this would take about a year. I would eliminate the stress of the debt.
Once financial pressures ease up a little , you could try out some areas of work, even volunteer (volunteering can add experience to your resume) and also look at certificate and other vocational programs at community college. Many who graduate with a bachelors go over to community college and do these, in fact.
I think this is a good time to step back and look at the big picture. Don’t be afraid to leave college for awhile and reboot, so to speak. A counselor can help you a lot during this time and also help communicate things to your parents.
@UrbanMum I’m so glad you brought that up. I have recently been thinking that there is a very high possibility that I have ADHD-PI (Predominately Inattentive). I was having a conversation with a classmate a few months ago, and she talked about how she has ADHD. She told me her grandfather had it as well and she mentioned some of his behaviors. She told me how he would pace back and forth. That caught my attention because I do the same exact thing and have been since I was a small child. I researched more about ADHD and looked up the symptoms, and I have a lot of the inattentive symptoms and some of the hyperactive symptoms. The symptoms I resonated with included: daydreaming, lack of focus, pacing, fidgeting or squirming, procrastination, easily distracted, hard time processing verbal requests, hard time starting and completing tasks that require mental effort, easily confused, etc. Teachers back in my early elementary years would tell my parents that my progress in school is very slow and wanted to put me in special ed.
If I have ADHD, it could be a big reason why I haven’t been doing that well in school. I have talked to my General Practice Physician about it and he told me I would have to speak to a Psychiatrist for further testing. However, right now I figured I should just try to cope with it the best that I can before speaking to a specialist to see if I have it and going on medication. My family is very against me getting medication if I have ADHD because they have known people and heard about bad stories of people being on medication. They believe medication will cause more harm than good.
First, getting a diagnosis is helpful and doesn’t have to mean medication. There are many ways to approach ADHD. A diagnosis provides information and can help you and others in your life view some of your challenges differently
Second, there are many options for medication that are relatively new and less apt to create problems. Your parents may be thinking of Adderall and abuse, or possible articles on the very young.
Third, a diagnosis can get you accommodations and services.
See a good psychiatrist who is up on the latest. Diagnosis is via a questionnaire. There is no definitive test.
@compmom when we took our son to a clinical psychologist, his evaluation consisted of developmental and family histories, clinical interviews, personality/emotional assessments, performance tests and a quantitative electroencephalography to measure the electrical activity in his brain.
A psychologist or neuropsychologist does those tests, not a psychiatrist. For ADHD you want a psychiatrist. We did both. The full neuropsych. evaluation can look at other reasons for issues with attention and focus. But a psychiatrist can diagnose ADHD with a simple questionnaire.
Or go on a big journey such as hiking the Appalachian trail or the Pacific trail. Or see about workaway.info, which has positions globally for a few hours of work a day, including housing.
Along those lines, National Outdoor Leadership School. Also google WOOF. Or even just working locally- that helped one of mine out a lot, regular job in a restaurant or store etc.
I agree with @thumper1 . Take advantage of your academic advisor and your school’s career center.
Here is the good news: you are still very young. You do not have to decide right this minute what your future is. But there is no doubt, especially these days, that any degree is better than no degree. Get your degree, and use your career center and the alumni network to get some kind of job. You will probably start discovering your path while you are on it. It may take several years for you to figure out what you enjoy doing.
You have other options. Take a year off. Work anywhere, save money, travel for six months. Apply for a masters. Join Teach for America. Join the Peace Corps. Read this article for some perspective: http://time.com/3849142/life-after-college-graduation/ It’s one person’s point of view, and I don’t agree about life in your 20’s, but there are some really good insights here.
I also agree that it’s a good idea to get some mental health treatment. Please make an appointment to see a therapist or psychologist today.
Go to your student center for counseling. Most colleges offer interest/aptitude testing. You can take tests that may uncover some job fields that suit you that never occurred to you.
On the posts above on interests, I took a one day course on career change and they had these cards with potential jobs that were based around working around four main interests - ideas, people, things, data. It’s basic but could be a start on what could be good careers or not so good ones. Good luck.
You must have finished your Spring semester by now - unless you are at a university that end later. How did you do? Can you take a medical leave from school for Fall 2018?
Please find a psychiatrist that you can discuss your issues with and see if any medication is needed, if ADHD is diagnosed. You are an adult and so do not need your parent’s permission for the prescription. If you are on their insurance, that could be more complicated - not familiar with how the confidentiality stuff works when insurance extends to age 26 .
We too had reservations about medication for our child. His symptoms started in junior year of high school. We took the summer to get consultations and he has been on low dose medication since then. It has made a world of difference for him and for us.Taking prescription medication as directed and under supervision is far better than spending time aimlessly. Us strangers on the Internet can give general advice and share our experiences, but ultimately you will need to talk to some specialists who can help you through this.
Sometimes, when you are in a rut, it’s useful to think about the positives. You could make a list.
You are 20. You can still chart your own course - there's lots of time.
You are 3/4 of the way to a college degree. How many people don't get to go to college, or don't finish? You are almost there!
You can probably still change. As others have said, figure out what you need to graduate, and then maybe sprinkle in a course or two on your passion, even if you stick with biology.
Identify your passion. What would you most like to do? Or, during what activity does the time pass really quickly? Can you start to build on this?
Don’t dwell on the negatives. If possible, get your degree and move on…