I Don't Know What to Do

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>I can't believe I'm going to be telling this story here, but I really need help and advice.</p>

<p>I am a freshmen in a pretty prestigious state college. However, I do not dorm and commute because my parents are very conservative and do not want me to be exposed to the apparent "dangers" of college life. Because they were so conservative with me all these years, I am a good student who has taken many AP classes, 4.0 GPA all my years, and top 5% of my high school class. I got into many prestigious colleges, but I was forced to choose my state school because my parents wanted me to commute. But, the problem is not this at all...</p>

<p>Over the years, I have become a bit.. rebellious. I started dating a boy without telling my parents and I sneaked to prom two times. To a normal kid, dating or going to prom is not even a bad thing! But, in my family , this is abhorrent stuff. Even wanting to date or go to prom is considered wrong. My parents are THAT conservative. But, you know what they say... Three strikes and you're out. My parents told me that if I did one more thing that they did not like, I would be kicked out of the house. They would completely disown me.</p>

<p>And now today.... There is a boy that I am in love with. We really do love each other and even with my situation, he loves me. I don't want to say that we're dating because of our parents, but we do love each other. To the point where we might want to get married. But, he is not of my faith and that is a big issue in my family. So, even introducing him in the future when I'm ready to marry will not be good either. So, this is the problem. Again, I'm doing something that is "wrong" to them, and if they ever find out about him, I WILL be kicked out of the house. </p>

<p>A part of me... wants to tell my parents about him. No matter what the consequences. The only problem is, I don't know what I would do if I were to be kicked out. That would mean, I would have to find a place (new college housing schedules don't start until next spring semester), get a car (my parents will probably not give me my car), my phone (my parents will probably end my service), my tuition (my parents are paying for my education, but that will probably end), food, everything... I currently have a good-paying job at a medical clinic. I might have to just extend my hours, but I'm not sure how I'll be able to go from work to school without a car. Also, I do have a place I might be able to stay at that's right next to my school. But, I'm not for sure about that. </p>

<p>Can anyone give me good advice? My situation with my parents has gotten to the point where I might just need to tell the truth? I'm still confused and I don't know what to do anymore.</p>

2

<p>As a parent, I would say to my kid, you want to live your own life, on your own terms, with a partner of your choice, make yourself capable first. Growing up means you need to take the right decisions at the right time.</p>

<p>So finish your college degree and then take the relationship decisions. You can tell your parents when the time is right to do so. Marriage should come into the picture when you are ready and all set to take care of yourself. You say you love each other, in that case you would want the best for each other. And the best thing right now is to get that education your parents are so willingly paying for.</p>

3

<p>Use protection if you have sex is my best advice. </p>

<p>My second best advice is to enjoy your feelings but do not jump into marriage as a way to legitimize your relationship to your family or to yourself. First loves are fabulous but almost never are meant to be spouses.</p>

4

<p>If your family’s that limiting, I don’t see why you want to keep their respect.</p>

5

<p>Hold off until next semester. Go to craigslist and find somewhere you can sublease for the semester. Live there. Pay with money from your job. </p>

<p>Since you’re going to a school you’re overqualified for, did you get good scholarships?</p>

6

<p>You seem really uncomfortable with the idea of telling them, so I’m not sure why you want to, unless you are hoping for the “relief” of getting their approval. Your intuition is telling you that you will not right now; trust that instinct and hold off on telling them. If you’re in college you’re an adult, and it isn’t their business unless you want it to be. If they are helping pay for school, your moral obligation is to keep your grades up and stay out of trouble. As long as you are doing that, you should be able to live your love life as you see fit. It’s a shame they are so rigid that you can’t tell them, but you need to work around their personalities, accept them for the way they are, live your own life, and share your life with them as appropriate. In this case, given their personalities, it does not seem appropriate to share with them yet. If you prove yourself academically, and prove how responsible you are, they may adopt a more open minded view over time.</p>

7

<p>I agree with Anialways.</p>

<p>Finish college first. You can date him through college but you don’t have to introduce him to your parents yet. Just finish college. Then get a job. Now you can introduce him if you are still with him. At this point, even though your parents disown you, you have your degree, your job and enough resources to live your own life.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>