<p>@BrownParent </p>
<p>My background’s a bit muddled. The thing was, I never intended to go to college. I was one of (if not the) best students in my high school, and was well on the way to my dream school (Berkeley/Stanford). However, in the midddle of junior year so many things went down, and I let my hard work crumble around me while I did nothing. </p>
<p>You see, there were many deaths in my family that year. In addition, my father and sister were diagnosed with terminal illnesses, my brother fell deeper into his drug spiral, and my parents fought and abused each other daily. My father was laid off from his job and left us, and I couldn’t find a job no matter how much I searched. At the same, I had to manage taking a challenging class load, as well as my time in the school marching band, concert band, jazz band, jazz choir, and glee club (since they were all severely undermanned, and desperately needed help). Socially, I faced pressure to match the accomplishments of my sister, who managed to get a full ride to a private school in another state, and depression from being non-existent when placed next to my brother (who was “much cooler” than me). </p>
<p>As you can guess, I fell into the deepest pit of self loathing, pity, and depression that I ever faced. I’m not proud of what I did, or the thoughts that crossed my mind. I almost committed suicide, then later contemplated drugging myself to death. I was too cowardly to carry through with it and feared I might develop a dependency of drugs if I started, so I took to gaming. Hours upon hours, I played video games as an escapist source of comfort. My grades plummeted (I nearly failed half of my classes), my friends and family became worried, and I stopped caring about life in general. </p>
<p>Along came application and tests season. I only worked up the effort to take the SAT and ACT tests once, and didn’t study for them. I completely bombed the SAT II test. I sent out applications just because I felt I had nothing to lose. I also applied under physics, because that was my favorite subject at the time, and because I held no delusions that I would be accepted as an engineering major. I wasn’t surprised that my top schools rejected me, but I WAS surprised that some schools like UCSB and UCSD accepted me. Then came along another reality check: there was no way I would be able to go school without incurring a crap ton of debt. I never signed up for scholarships, and received only the bare minimum in financial aid. I lived in one of the most poverty stricken, crime riddled, dirtiest, and death struck areas of Los Angeles, so that financial aid was alright, but below half the cost of yearly attendance. Since I was not keen on incurring around ~$50k of debt, I completely gave up going to college. </p>
<p>Then came along the opportunity of a lifetime: the Gates Millennium Scholarship. My physics teacher forced me to apply, and wrote me a recommendation letter than could make you cry. A few months later, I received that thick envelope that was my ticket to a life I had almost sealed off. Suddenly, there was a comforting hand on my back that simply told me, “You can do anything you want.” I was ecstatic. I decided to attend UCSB because I heard it was a sunny, cheerful place, with a nice rep when it came to their research department. </p>
<p>There was a conference held not too long ago, for GMS scholars. I met various wonderful people, many of whom faced their own personal demons and came up victorious. I shared my story with them. Many of them told me I should pursue my original goal, engineering. They encouraged me to seek help, and I am proud to have met them. </p>
<p>Looking back at where I am now, I feel I left the latter duration of my high school career in shambles. If I was a stronger person, maybe I wouldn’t be where I am now. I have my dreams, out of reach as they might be. I’ve learned so much about the college system I never sought to learn before, all while trying to make up for the mistakes I made. </p>
<p>So…that’s basically it. I’m in a place I set myself up for, but not one I dreamed of being in. I’m in the wrong major, in a nice school I never truly feel is my own, but I’m going into overdrive to see if I can still be what I always wanted to be, in one of the schools I fantasized about as a younger child. </p>