I’m a freshman at a 4 year university, and I’ve been here for 2 months now. I really hate it. I don’t have any close friends, and both my roommates have groups that they hang out with. I try to hang out with their groups, but every time I do, it’s like I’m not even there. I’m either talked over or ignored. And I have friends outside of these two groups, but all of them have their own groups as well and I don’t regularly hang out with them. I don’t really regularly hang out with anyone.
I just miss my high school friends so much! I felt like I fit in with them. I wasn’t ignored. I actually had a place in the group. Here… nothing. I visited my family over this past weekend for my sister’s homecoming and it made me so nostalgic for high school again. I actually really enjoyed high school and would go back given the chance. I saw my friends over the weekend too, and it was so fun. Now I’m super sad because I’m back at my university and stuck here with no one.
I want to graduate early because I really hate it here (and also because all the money I would save is a huge benefit, too), so I think I would take the max amount of credits allowed per semester at my school (18) along with doing online classes and community college classes over the summer. I have 12 credits this semester, btw. The thing is, my mom doesn’t want me to take summer classes at my community college. She wants me to take them at the university I’m at now, which I don’t want to do because then I would be living on campus over the summer and I seriously hate it here. How can I convince my parents that this is a good idea? I’ve thought about this for a while now.
Also, how hard is the CLEP? Because I was thinking of doing that too to get some extra credits. I also have some AP credits, but I’m in an honors program at my school that allows me to skip GE’s, so I don’t think my AP credits count. Basically my question here is what can I do to graduate a year early? (Also is it even possible to graduate college 2 years early? How could I do that if it is?) Please help, I really, REALLY hate it here.
I would not start planning your entire four years yet. You might start liking your university and regret trying to graduate early. For now, focus on getting through this semester. Have you joined any clubs? Checked out the counseling services at your school?
I’m in the psychology club so far (because psych is my major). But other than that, no. I am planning to get more involved though, just to distract myself from the loneliness and sadness. But I can almost guarantee you that I don’t think I’ll end up liking my school, unfortunately.
Yeah, I would get more involved. You’ll meet new people, and you’re less likely to be lonely if you’re so busy you don’t have time to think about it. I volunteer at the animal shelter near my school and it’s pretty much the highlight of my week.
We see a whole lot of these kinds of posts here. Some people find their best friends second semester and never look back. Some people transfer and are either happier or not happier at the new school. Some people stick it out. It’s too soon to tell which one your situation will turn out to be. If you made one really good friend, would you still want to graduate early?
Yeah, I would probably still want to graduate early. I thought of transferring to another college (a UC) where two of my really good friends are, but my parents wouldn’t let me. And I know I shouldn’t just pick colleges based on where my friends are, but I didn’t really like the university I’m at to begin with, it just seemed like the best out of all my choices. I’m definitely gonna get more involved though. Thank you!
Take it one day at a time. It is still early in your freshman year. Do you like your field of study? Do you like your classes? If you do, concentrate on that and stick with it. It is easy to look back or forward, but often harder to live in the present. The problem is, if you are always looking back at how great things were or looking forward to what could be, you miss what is right in front of you. Try to slow down, relax and take each day and each experience with the best attitude possible. It just might help.
I hate to burst your bubble but the “Magical College Experience” is really just a marketing gimmick. You’re not going to love every waking second of it. The important thing is to keep the big picture in mind- do well academically, get your degree and move on.
Like many freshman, you feel a bit lonely because you haven’t instantly made close friends. But you’ve only been there two months. It takes time to cultivate close friendships! Think about it - even with your high school friends, you knew each other for four years, maybe longer. You’re close because you had time to grow your friendships.
Don’t expect or rely on your roommates or their friends to become your friend group. If you don’t feel like you fit in with them, seek out other groups of people you may fit in better with. Does your college have Greek life? That might be a way to get involved and meet new people. There are tons of other clubs. There are lots of freshmen out there just like you who are looking for friends, people to hang out with.
But that said, it’s probably a better idea for a freshman who hates her school to try to transfer rather than attempt to finish early, especially in 2 years (very unlikely). Why won’t your parents let you transfer if you are so miserable? They probably want you to wait, but would they consider the possibility if you are still very unhappy come April/May?
I know it takes time to find friends, but it just seems like EVERYONE has their groups and I’m not part of them, you know? The college I go to doesn’t have Greek life. We don’t have any sororities, either, and we do have clubs but I haven’t heard much about them yet. My parents really don’t want me to transfer because my mom LOVES the university I go to (I don’t know why, but she does…). Also, I got a lot of scholarships from my university, and my mom said if I transferred, I wouldn’t get any scholarships and we would have to pay for all of it. I have no idea what they would say if I’m still unhappy at the end of the school year. Probably just to stick it out, but I wouldn’t want to do that. I don’t even want to wait until Thanksgiving, 4 weeks seems like such a long time. And waiting to go home for winter break is even worse. It all seems so far away and I just really wanna go home.
Also, everyone else seems to be having so much more fun than I am. Like, everyone does stuff with their roommates all the time and I barely see mine. I just want to have my roommates as my best friends like everyone else does, but I guess that’s not gonna happen for me…
This is super untrue. I have never yet had a roommate I liked. In fact, even the people who picked their roommates specifically started having problems by the end of the semester. The person who made me switch rooms so she could room with someone she liked? Her roommate, the one she made me switch for, got mad at her and moved the stuff around in the room so they couldn’t see each other.
Stay busy - join more clubs - you WILL meet people and ‘find your people’. Don’t think about it so much - and forget about high school- it doesn’t help to dwell. You are not busy enough, LOL! Stay so busy - that you don’t have time to feel lonely. Don’t plan on transferring or graduating early- right now, focus on staying busy, joining clubs, meeting people and studying, of course.
@bodangles is 100% correct from what I hear. My D is a freshman and doesn’t like her roommate. They coexist, and she is fine with that. She is hearing it’s better than the alternative, which is active animosity. I now am hearing about two good friends whose kids chose their roommates, and it’s turning into a disaster. I storngly suspect that there are not that many students who get along great with their roommates from the outset.
My daughter feels exactly like you do - that everyone else has already found their groups. I don’t really know what to say except that, judging by comments on College Confidential, that isn’t true. It sounds like quieter kids and students who don’t party take longer to find their “people.” I have no great advice, just keep going on, asking people to join you in things. Don’t think too far into the future at the moment, like transferring or finishing early. Just try to get through doing one thing every day - going to a club, asking someone to have lunch with your, etc., and see how you feel come December break.
I absolutely hated my college and my roommates during my freshman year and wanted to transfer. But that was on me not the college - I had trouble adjusting to my new life and was projecting that onto the school.
By sophomore year I felt completely different about it.
You’re comparing your insides to people’s outsides. In other words, you know how conflicted and lonely you feel inside but all you have to go by for other people’s feelings is how they look outside. It’s quite possible that there are tons of students who superficially hang out with whoever they met first but don’t feel like they really click, or are on the periphery of whatever groups you’re in. Really, from personal experience, everyone else can’t have formed deep meaningful friendships in 2 months. It’s just not enough time.
Your mom is right in that your best financial aid comes as a freshman, and transferring might be prohibitively expensive. So I’d make your #1 focus becoming really happy where you are, or at least as content as you can be.
If you haven’t heard much about clubs, make it your mission to find out about them. Look for flyers on campus and attend events hosted by different groups that sound interesting. In the group of roommates you hang out with, ask them what groups they belong to. Most colleges have some kind of activities fair in the beginning of the year, but even if you missed that the student center or office of student engagement or whatnot will probably have information on all the registered student groups on campus. Or there may be a website listing all of them. Find that information, and then see if you can find out when they meet or what they do.
I know it’s hard, but try focusing on the now and changing your outlook. You may not be able to change your circumstances very much, but you CAN change the way that you view them. Look for the positives - do you like your classes, your major, the setting of the university? Even if you end up at a gathering that’s not 100% your scene, can you think about positives in the moment - that you’re hanging out with people? Or that these are people who when you get to know them more deeply, maybe you’ll come to appreciate?
@julliet, great salient points. I would also add that there is no going back. Your friends in high have moved on and pining for the good old days usually results in an overly rosy opinion of what things were. Once that happens, your current life will never measure up to “the good old days”.
Graduating early and then what? Believe or not there is a social life after college and if anything finding friends after college is more difficult than in college. You need to work on making friends by putting yourself in situations where there are people with similar interests. It is not easy and again it is hard work.
PS Most of the old people (like me) have already transformed our college experience into an overly wonderful time that frankly never really existed. College, at the time was not the “time of their lives”, it only became that years later!
I don’t have any close friends, and both my roommates have groups that they hang out with. I try to hang out with their groups, but every time I do, it’s like I’m not even there. I’m either talked over or ignored. And I have friends outside of these two groups, but all of them have their own groups as well and I don’t regularly hang out with them. I don’t really regularly hang out with anyone.
I visited my family over this past weekend for my sister’s homecoming and it made me so nostalgic for high school again. I actually really enjoyed high school and would go back given the chance. I saw my friends over the weekend too, and it was so fun. Now I’m super sad because I’m back at my university and stuck here with no one.