I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing :)

I’m an 18 year old first-semester community college student currently working towards gen-ed. I’m basically perpetually confused.
Before the semester began, I spoke with the music department advisor at my school. He acted like there was no way I could get a degree in music, since I’m pretty much a beginner (self taught, little to no music theory, but i do have some performance and directing experience). My school really only offers associates in music business, classical performance, and education, and I would like to learn folk guitar, contemporary piano, etc. So, I settled for gen-ed for now, and intended on being a self-taught songwriter on the side. But, it’s a lot harder than it seems, with little to no quality, free resources on the internet to effectively learn music theory and technique, so throughout the semester, I planned on switching to the music program.

However, recently I’ve been thinking about going into computer science, due to the high starting income, growth, opportunities for women, etc. Since I was a kid I wanted to do science, so music isn’t like my life-long dream or anything, just my primary interest. I have no doubts about my abilities, and I know if I put my mind to anything academically.
My issue is, I have to sign up for classes, like, now. I’m currently signed up for intro to CS, bio, calculus w/ analytic geometry, and I was ridiculously excited the last few weeks. But I woke up this morning with quite a bit of hesitancy.

I realized that I got really bored with everything. I have these whims, where I can absorb a bunch of information on a topic,and its cool and all but I just never want to look at it again after about a month. When I lose that interest, I get super existentially depressed, until I find something else. For example, I was pretty obsessed with music for a few months, and I was trying to learn and write music every hour that I could get free, so much so that I started having ideas in my dreams for songs. But somewhere along the way, I got really discouraged, or bored, or something. I didn’t feel like music meant anything anymore, and that anyone could do it, and that its more of a cute hobby than a career. Worst of all, I started feeling like there’s no difference I could make in the world with my music.

This has happened to me with quite a few things, like biology, psychology, drawing, animation, philosophy, game design. I just lose interest.

I’m really scared that I just have a naturally short-term mind, and nothing will ever be able to stimulate me for the rest of my life. I love going to school. I love my music history class, and my English class, and my calculus class. I love studying and learning, but when I think about what major I want to get, I fill with dread. I don’t know anything about myself or what I like. I don’t know what the duties of any given professional are. How am I supposed to pick what I want to do for the rest of my life? Should I just get like, 10 bachelors degrees? Should I just not go to college at all?

I’m already losing interest in the idea of computer science, and I don’t know what that means for me. I was on a high like this whole month, so excited to be a woman in technology, so excited to study something so innovative and in-demand, and to have a bit of job security. Now, I’m frustrated. I realize entirely that I have the mentality of a homeless hippie, but everything seems kind of pointless after a while. I really really want to make a difference in the world, but is that even worth it? I really want my job to be my livelihood and passion, as I intend to live alone with no children with a sort of minimalist lifestyle. Should I focus on what’s profitable? Should I take an exploratory semester to take stuff I don’t know that well, like film and ceramics, until I’m ready to decide what to major in? Should I just buckle down and stick to computer science until i love it or hate it? Any general advice or similar experiences?

Get checked out for adult adhd.

So yes, if you are feeling existentially depressed after a couple weeks of intensity, I would encourage you to see a mental health professional. Depression is 1) not normal but 2) treatable. If it’s really interfering with your life, you can deal with it.

However, some back and forth and changing of minds is completely normal! You’re not weird because you don’t know what you want to do with the rest of your life right now. Moreover, you don’t HAVE to choose what you want for the rest of your life right now. All you have to do is choose what you think you may want to study - or can at least buckle down to study - in some depth for the next 4-5 years of college. Sure, that may form the basis of a future career, but people change their minds about what they want to do all the time. That doesn’t mean you can’t explore other areas or even that your career has to be in that major. It’s just somewhere to start.

You also don’t seem like the kind of person who should choose a career - and definitely not a college major - on the basis of just what’s profitable, because you lose interest so quickly and fall into a funk. Instead, focus on something that can sustain longer-term interest. And by “longer-term interest,” do realize that doesn’t mean all-consuming passion. That doesn’t mean you have to feel deliriously happy to go to class every day or that you have to love every single part of the major you choose. It just means that you feel reasonably interested enough to take the classes you need to graduate in that major!