I have lent my parents over $5000 and I am sick of their constant borrowing

Parent Cafe
121

<p>If the parents weren’t authorized on the account, then what they did was steal. the credit card company is only going to release blue if she gives evidence that the parents committed a crime. </p>

<p>It puts people in a bad situation because they have to report the crimes of relatives. Much credit card fraud is committed by family members, foster parents who have the SSN of children in their care, employees - people who have a need for the SSN and other information needed to open or use credit. The SSA has started issuing new SSN for children who come out of foster care because too many people have their information and may have already abused it.</p>

122

<p>I agree, it is NOT an authorized charge, no matter whether the last names match or not. I would also ask to speak to a supervisor and get whatever they say IN WRITING, because you can file a small claims or major lawsuit against them if they allow anyone with your last name to make charges on your card.</p>

123

<p>Agree with JYM, the credit card company is assuming you are too young to fight back and they know they’ll be making money if your mother continues to charge items. </p>

<p>You need speak to a manager and reiterate that your mother has the same last name but she is NOT an AUTHORIZED USER and if they can’t work with you, then you will no longer be their customer and will close the account. </p>

<p>Don’t let these companies trample you too! You’re a legitimate consumer with a legitimate complaint.</p>

124

<p>Cancel that card ASAP. It will be impossible to pay off if your parents continue to use it.</p>

125

<p>Agree that you need to cancel that card NOW AND speak with a manager about the unauthorized transactions. Sorry you’re going through this.</p>

126

<p>*Update: So it turns out that my card company won’t accept the disputed charges since it was authorized by my mother who has the same last name. I guess I could fight it, but I I don’t really want to implicate my parents. I’m just going to have to pay off the charges on my own…
*</p>

<p>the credit card company is giving you the run-around hoping that you won’t pursue this. Having the same last name is irrelevant. Siblings have the same last name, cousins have the same last name, parents/kids have the same last name…that isn’t the criteria for an authorized user.</p>

<p>I agree, though, you need to get your FAFSA and CSS Profile submitted ASAP.</p>

<p>*the credit card company is only going to release blue if she gives evidence that the parents committed a crime. *</p>

<p>Not really. A relative of my H’s did this to him. My H told the credit company that the charges were unauthorized and the charges were removed. The company did NOTHING to the relative…NOTHING…didn’t even contact him. Just removed the charge.</p>

<p>H didn’t have to provide proof that a crime had been committed. And, the “perp” wasn’t charged with any crime.</p>

<p>If you’re too afraid to get the charges removed, AT LEAST get your cards reissued with new numbers.</p>

<p>I’m afraid that with Christmas tomorrow, you may find out that some new charges were made this month. :(</p>

127

<p>The fact that OP left her credit cards in your parents possession would make it harder to claim the charges weren’t authorized. The parents had the physical card, the account number, and the security code that appears only on the card–I think it’s going to be a tough fight. If the card was used in person and a parent forged OP’s name, that’s one thing; if it was used online or by phone, I don’t know how OP can show the charges weren’t hers. A cardholder is expected to take reasonable security precautions, and giving control of a credit card to someone who has a history of misappropriating funds is pretty unreasonable. I don’t know how the credit card company is supposed to know the charges weren’t authorized, and at this point if it can’t get the money back from the payees (not sure how that would work), it would be stuck with losing $1000 through no fault of its own. I hate to say it, but it seems to me the responsibility for this mess lies primarily with the OP. Perhaps it would be best to take it as a very costly lesson, one that won’t ever be forgotten.</p>

128

<p>The fact that OP left her credit cards in your parents possession</p>

<p>I don’t agree with that. The young lady is abroad. </p>

<p>If I remember correctly, she left copies of her cards at home in case she lost her cards. That’s not the same as giving parents permission to use her numbers (from the copies).</p>

129

<p>A credit card company is probably more likely to be cooperative with customers who have a long, stable history with them. They may be less so for newer clients. That said, if you can document that you were overseas when these charges were made in the states, then they should remove the charges. You have a legitimate dispute. Good luck.</p>

130

<p>The ‘credit card company’ is a bank, not a stand alone ‘visa’ or ‘master card’ business. Every card is tied to an issuing bank, and that bank is regulated. You have to dispute charges with a certain time period and those disputes are then charged back to the merchant. Just because mom2collegekids’ husband’s relative wasn’t contacted for more information doesn’t mean Blue won’t be (or that that bank didn’t collect from the relative and the relative is just not reporting the follow up) - some banks are better at crime follow-up than others. And I WANT them to be. I don’t want to pay for Blue’s mother’s expenses.</p>

<p>Blue is old enough to have the cards, so she has to take responsibility for them. I have a spendthrift father. We don’t give him info about our bank accounts, credit cards, money. He’s screwed me several times, and I don’t trust him. I would report him if he stole from me, but some children, even my own siblings, will not report their parents. If they won’t, they have to pay.</p>

131

<p>I fear the company in question might get the police involved. Although I’m so irritated with them for accepting the charges. After all, I had told the company during that time that I’d be abroad. And I’ve never charged that much during one period. If anything they should have rejected the charges. They should have been more vigilant.</p>

132

<p>Whoa. You told them you would be abroad? Then this should have been documented on your account and THEY are in the wrong. You need to talk to a supervisor.</p>

133

<p>But let’s say I escalate it will they not pursue my parents? Let’s just say some purchases were made at a small place, and it was signed in person.</p>

134

<p>You don’t know till you call. Stay focused on the fact that you advised them that you were out of the country.</p>

135

<p>The charges will be removed and then her parents" will be rebilled for the expenses. They’re not going to be charged.
Just this morning this came up on judge Judy. Charges were removed and offender was recharged…no crime pursued. In that case the victim had given the card to be used for one purpose, but offender went spend crazy…
So the criteria isn’t whether a person gives the card to someone. My h has a business card. He’s not allowed to charge whatever he wants to it.</p>

<p>The parents used her card to pay bills. The company will back out those payments and parents will get recharged</p>

136

<p>For such a relatively small amount, they’re not going to get the police involved</p>

137

<p>OP
If this is the outcome and somehow your parents are charged ( assume they don’t have a card with this bank) DO NOT let them guilt you into giving them any money. Just say no!</p>

138

<p>At this point I don’t really have much to give, especially if I don’t pursue the charges with the company. Paying off all the charges to avoid interest will wipe away half my bank account. Not to mention, I have to buy books and a plane ticket back to school.</p>

139

<p>I just spoke to the company. They said that they do indeed follow through so I guess there’s nothing I can do. Thanks to everyone for the advice.</p>

140

<p>Blue: this pattern will always continue. Don’t be afraid to let the authorities put a scare in your parents. If your parents say, “but it’s our daughter, she lets us charge on her card”. Then make sure the CC company gives the business response: “No, this person was out of the country when these purchases were made and these charges were unauthorized.”</p>

<p>I know your situation. Yes, you will face some hard fights with your parents. AND they still are your parents, but you need to realize that they no longer see you as their daughter, but as a BANK obligation that must serve money to them. It is a sickness that they feel you owe them for being born. It will NEVER CHANGE, ask my niece.</p>

<p>The decision that you have to make is difficult:

  1. Maintain a strained relationship with your parents and know that you will always have future money and credit problems with your parents spending your hard-earned money, placing blame and guilt on you when you say no.
    OR
  2. say “NO MORE” and straighten out your credit, get European cards or Japanese bank cards where your parents don’t know the names of banks or locations (because they will use your social # to try to find your money!); </p>

<p>Get a US post office box and have all of your mail forwarded to the PO box. </p>

<p>CUT ties to your parents after you graduate. Do not live with them, EVER again. If you have to visit them, leave all financial information (CC, cash, etc.) in the hotel Safe. </p>

<p>Yes, they WILL go into your wallet when you are not looking! </p>

<p>Ask before you visit, "Why do you need me at home this weekend? I am not giving you MORE money, you’ve cleaned me out; so what’s your reason for me coming home? I have to go to work. If it’s that important, send me an email." You have to treat them in this manner because they expect you to come home so they can get more money out of you. </p>

<p>They will try every trick to get you to come home; they will scream, yell, cajole, threaten, sweet talk, menace, and try to guilt you to come home because they will be desperate to spend your money. </p>

<p>Once you are home, you will be team attacked. “If you really cared about us, you’d see that you’re the only one who can help us!”, “you’re being selfish!”, “you don’t care about us!” “we’re going to lose the house because of you!” Avoid it by not going home; they caused this problem, you didn’t.</p>

<p>Please do not “waffle” or you will lead a miserable life wondering if you could have bought that car or home.</p>