<p>Ever since Freshman year of college I have become a personal bank to my parents. They always are running short on money They'll be behind in their bills or even ask me to loan out money so they can help others. Once my grandfather asked my mother for $250, and she told me to give her $250 so she could loan out to him. Today, I paid $650 in bills for them on my credit card. They always say they will pay me back but I have yet to see a penny to this day. I went to the store with my dad to buy some toiletries with my money, and he had the audacity to add two items in the cart. I'm just really sick of this behavior. And my anger is fueled by the fact that my father chooses not to work. For the majority of the summer I was in another state, but when I came home I stayed in for the most part. My dad literally sits on the computer all day and doesn't work. Moreover, I feel like my parents are just extremely ungrateful and this behavior will only continue. For example, today I was very hesitant about loaning out the $650. I said no several times and my mom said, "Sometimes I question the kind of daughter I raised when you're not willing to give me money." Obviously, comments like this really hurt and are indicative of the fact that my parents feel as though I'm obligated to give them money. Moreover, I have two young siblings, and I harbor the fear that my parents may keep on asking me for money into adulthood. I fear that one day they may ask me to pay for expenses for my siblings which include college. It's really not my responsibility though. How do I assertively say no to my parents? At this point, I truly feel burdened by them.And I resent then because it's quite likely that I'll never see my money. Not to mention, they manipulated me into cosigning a lease and now I'm worried about the ramifications for my credit if they make late payments which they are notorious for doing. Is refraining from coming home during break the best way to avoid loaning money? Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks!</p>
<p>Ever thought of charging interest?</p>
<p>Other than declaring yourself independent from your parents, or just shutting them off (are they paying for your college, so they say that’s why they need money?), there is not much you can do until you run out of money.</p>
<p>A friend of mine returned home during winter break, and her parents asked what she was doing there. Turns out they would pay for her college but she no longer had a room or would be allowed to stay at her (former) home. She was in the process of being declared independent when I talked to her about it.</p>
<p>Also highly consider getting new bank accounts and new credit cards, and closing out your old ones, especially if your parents’ names are on them.</p>
<p>I find it very unusual that anyone would consider a teenager or adult in their early 20s as a proper co-signer.</p>
<p>As for avoiding them completely without officially severing ties, that might work for a while. I didn’t talk to my mother for more than six months because she was getting me to the point of a nervous breakdown. Just make sure you are going to be somewhere each time you would normally be home. With caller ID, you never have to pickup the phone.</p>
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<p>That is tempting the reply: “Sometimes I question the kind of parents who see their children only as sources of money.”</p>
<p>Sounds like they need tough love, not your enabling them to continue their sloppy personal financial habits.</p>
<p>Have you graduated from college yet? If you are in college, are they contributing anything? The answer to that may affect how you handle the situation.</p>
<p>I’m a junior, and no they’re not contributing anything to my college tuition/room and board I receive enough grants/outside scholarships that everything is covered.</p>
<p>Make you go into debt (charging on a credit card is debt) to give them money (they will never pay you back) is not proper. This is manipulative/quasi abusive mentally. If you are willing to have them freeze you out as punishment, just say no. Likely they will freeze you out. If there is a relationship worth saving, perhaps family therapy. There are sliding scale places for those who can not pay much.</p>
<p>They are not right about this, but I doubt being validated will help you much.</p>
<p>Do not severe ties with your parents over this. Change your accounts and credit cards. In passing, tell them you are out of money and don’t know how you are going to pay for college. The next time they need money, tell them you have none and know EXACTLY how they feel. There may still be a few “big fights” but don’t severe ties unless you have to. It is so very extreme. If you can keep your family in your life, try to. But you can’t buy love, so don’t try. And DON"T go shopping with them!!! Keep your wallet at home.</p>
<p>This maybe hard, but I would practice saying no. When you are home you may want to give them some money for food or toiletries, but not to pay for other bills. I would also let the credit bureaus knows that no information could be given out for new credits, this way your parents wouldn’t be able to apply for credit under your name. You could be nice by telling your parents that you don’t have any money, or you could just flat out say no. Tell your dad to get a job.</p>
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<p>I believe you are now responsible for this lease. You need to be saving enough money you are prepared to pay this lease, or deal with the consequences of defaulting. </p>
<p>Even if you are willing to help your parents and siblings out in the future, when you are in more secure financial circumstances yourself, their immediate actions are going to make that impossible. If they destroy your credit, it will harm them too, since it impacts your ability to help them later. </p>
<p>Being a “good” child right now means limiting your loans and aid to them until you are on a much more secure financial footing yourself. When you are secure financially (years down the road when you have completed college and have a secure job), you may want to consider a monthly “allowance” I am not recommending such a course of action, just telling you how some people handle this situation.</p>
<p>I don’t really know how you explain this to family members who just live in the moment. You can try to explain your long term thinking, but they will probably be resentful. I think you can start explaining it to your younger siblings and make yourself a model for their own behavior.</p>
<p>Good luck and take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself helps your family.</p>
<p>IMHO</p>
<p>I had parents like this and I DID put both of my siblings though college. </p>
<p>Even to this day everyone in my family will ask me to do the most outrageous things. </p>
<p>It took me decades to learn how to say no. I hope you are a quicker study than I was !!!</p>
<p>Good luck</p>
<p>Where are YOU getting all this money? just say NO. It might cause some temporary hard feelings, but if you don’t want to lend money…say NO. Or at the very least, tell them you cannot lend any MORE out until the previous loans are repaid.</p>
<p>You are a college student and you cosigned a lease with your parents? What landlord cared about that? Did you have significant income? Truthfully, this part of your story makes NO sense.</p>
<p>I think the immediate advice should be blocking parental access to OPs bank accounts and credit card and being sure no accounts are open and being opened by the parents in her name. There may already be open accounts that have been maxed out. Does the OP need to sign up with one of those companies that monitors your accounts for fraud?</p>
<p>If the lease is for a car, would it be a good idea to just turn it in to the dealership?</p>
<p>Wasnt there a similar thread a few months ago?
It might have helpful suggestions</p>
<p>Since your parents don’t take “no” for an answer because they “know” that you have money or credit cards to use, you’re going to have to change tactics.</p>
<p>When you talk to them, before they ask for more, start dropping little bombs like, “This semester is going to be very hard. I have more bills than money. My account is dry.” or “I tried to buy something on my credit card and it got denied because I’m at my limit.” </p>
<p>Just keep saying these thing BEFORE they ask, so that when they do ask, you can say, “I wish I could help, but remember, I just told you that I don’t have any money nor do I have any more credit… I was going to ask you if I could borrow some.” </p>
<p>If they ask for your credit card number to see if their charges will go thru, tell them that you cut your card up because you were having credit problems.</p>
<p>You do not owe these people the truth. They have no right to the truth in regards to your financial situation.</p>
<p>Besides, now that you have to pay off those credit charges, you likely don’t have any money. </p>
<p>Open a new acct and keep most of your money there. don’t tell your parents about that new acct. Keep your old acct, but keep VERY little money in it. Each month use your old acct here or there, so that when your parents bug you, you can show the tiny balance of that old acct. They won’t see/know about the new acct.</p>
<p>Once they realize that the well is dry, they’ll either start bothering someone else, or get jobs.</p>
<p>Don’t yell, be civil, be nice. </p>
<p>Also…do NOT go shopping with them again…ever.</p>
<p>Can’t agree with the above advice. Lying is never a good thing, IMO. Just say you are sorry but you cannot help them. Done. You are aware you are being manipulated. You should rise above that and not play games in return. You can simply acknowledge how difficult this must be for them and that you hope they will get their finances straightened out soon. You need to feel good about the decisions you make, and no one feels good about lying, especially to their parents. Besides, they will call your bluff. Don’t lie. Just say no.</p>
<p>I agree completely with mom2collgegekids. A flat out no will cause more stress that a student can bare. And really, does she have any more money to lend? Possibly no.</p>
<p>You agree with lying to her parents? I believe the OP already said she feels guilty. Lying may add to the feeling of guilt and she may end up relenting, which will then backfire and blow the lying out of the water. She should rise above their manipulative games and go to her school counseling center and ask for help with assertiveness.</p>
<p>My parents were very judgmental on we spent money - vacations, eating out, clothes…I used to lie to my parents about what we are doing just so I could keep peace with them. I think sometimes it is the only way to operate. If I were OP, I definitely wouldn’t tell the parents how much she is making when she graduates from college.</p>
<p>There is a difference between lying and not disclosing information. The OP’s parents are way more skilled at manipulating and pressuring to get $, and the poor OP is currently feeling ill equipped to deal with it. But the OP has described many feelings (anger, frustration, fear, burdened, etc). She does NOT need to add guilt (I thought it was already listed but now don’t see it) to her list of unhealthy feelings. </p>
<p>Her parents will not be repaying this money. It sounds like a generational pattern with the grandfather mooching off of the parents and now the parents mooching off of the OP. My family and my husband’s family both have moochers, and its hard to set that boundary and say no. No question about it. But the parents, who are clearly vert savvy at coersion, will pressure the OP and challenge her if she claims to have no money when she does. The reality is the money she has is for her education and her personal expenses, not to enable her parents’ unhealthy choices. Tough love is just that- tough. It is hard not to get pulled into these discussions. If the mom makes that awful snide comment about what kind of daughter she raised, the OP should respond with “I am sorry you feel that way” and end the disscussion. She should NOT intiate and discussion of money, and should quickly redirect any conversation going that way and not get pulled into or engaged in such a conversation.</p>
<p>Make statements like “I can’t afford it,” “I don’t have enough money to do that,” “I’ve already lent you more money than I can afford.” These are the truth.</p>