<p>I’d spend more time talking with your parents and less seeking advice from CC. Some of the posts are over the top and honestly Judge Judy isn’t someone I’d use as a reference.</p>
<p>TigerCC2014, have you read the entire thread? Exactly what sort of conversation do you propose this student should have with parents who steal from her, lie to her, and then her she’s going to hell?</p>
<p>Well since they are her parents and we can’t pick our parents I’d suggest she tell them everything she is saying here. Honestly it’s easy to give advise in twitter form but none of us have to deal with the issue. Perhaps she could suggest they speak to their priest or pastor? So yes I read the whole thread and it is horrible but are any of us qualified for this? They are horrible, they suck, ok now what? My advice is try and talk to them since in the end they are your parents, good or bad and at 20-21 is the student ready to cut ties totally?</p>
<p>I think she already HAS talked to them about it. It hasn’t stopped the charges and begging for money.</p>
<p>though yes, I do like the idea of the OP and the parents going to speak to the pastor…I wouldn’t mind knowing which type of charismatic church they attend (if it is the one I grew up in I will advise the OP privately).</p>
<p>Then would the next step be to cut ties? Big step and not one to be taken lightly or with the advice of a blog like this. People love to get worked up and give their shots but in the end the student lives with the consequences. Family isn’t perfect but it is for life.</p>
<p>But also, just because they are her parents doesn’t mean she needs to go along (I know people whose parents have stolen their credit identity from childhood - the SSN doesn’t even match the birth date and the person is hesitant to turn their parents in…)</p>
<p>Yes you would have to cut ties if the consequence of keeping ties is for the parents to keep draining her dry financially. That will never stop unless she puts a stop to it and she might need to cut ties to do it. No need to cut ties if the parents stop begging for money.</p>
<p>Hopefully the poster choices to seek real help rather than take any advice from a blog.</p>
<p>I don’t think she has to necessarily cut ties; I just think she needs to distance herself from them for awhile-nothing malicious, just getting outside and experiencing the world. </p>
<p>She has to do an “internship” over summer and is “unavailable” to come home because the problems seem to stem when they team-attack her at home. </p>
<p>She has to “work” through the summer.</p>
<p>She’s doing “research” at the university, etc.</p>
<p>She got a “deal with a roommate”, anything to keep their paws off of her money.</p>
<p>I agree with aunt bea about the distancing. I think it is potentially a matter of financial survival for the whole family. If the OP distances herself, graduates from college, gets a good job and manages to build up some financial resources, she has the option of helping her family out in the future. They are going to need it, even if they don’t deserve it. I don’t know that she is obligated to help them in the future. She should not help them out financially now. If she allows them to ruin her credit and prevent her graduating from college - everyone loses out. I think the OP needs to look at this long term. 5 years out, 10 years out and so on. No guilt. Just practical planning.</p>
<p>Later she can decide how much help it is possible to give her family. Right now the best way to help is taking care of herself. Modelling some responsible behavior for the younger siblings also has the potential to help the whole family in future years.</p>
<p>imho</p>
<p>ETA: practical example for OP: right now your parents are creating a situation where you may have great difficult ever buying a home. If you distance yourself and don’t give them any more money, you will graduate and get a job and save money and be able to buy a home and then decide if you want to let them live with you… rent free or not. The rent money they are stealing from you now and the damage to your credit history by using your cards, and setting up accounts in your name unknown to you, will keep you from saving a down payment to buy a home. When you actually have some resources you will be able to choose how to share. Right now they are just sucking you down with them. You don’t have enough to share and to save yourself.</p>
<p>Good luck. Be strong. Take care.</p>
<p>I agree with the distancing and shutting down the Money Train. She has said that her able-bodied father doesn’t work. He may feel more compelled to work if the family doesn’t have the OP to abuse. Right now, he doesn’t feel the need to work…he just watches TV all day.</p>
<p>Disagree to a point with tiger cc - the OP felt isolated enough to come here in the first place and she’s gotten reasonable advice - I’ve seen a lot of posts that ask “can you talk to someone at school?” I think she’s getting decent advice and the more she has shared the more the advice has shifted. If it’s the type of church I think then the pastor won’t be helpful since they tend to lean towards the honor thy parents even when they are stealing your identity mindset. She’s gotten solid advice including “talk to your parents and tell them what you’ve told us here?”</p>
<p>The OP is facing a lifetime of moochers if she doesn’t shut this down. The parents are using the pressure of “we raised you, so you owe us.” Frankly, it sounds like this young lady is a self-starter and was lucky to have emerged as an achiever coming from that household…no thanks to the parents.</p>
<p>I would be careful about being too brutally honest with the parents. She needs one more fafsa filed I think. She won’t finish school without aid, she should not risk them black mailing her if she offends them. Not yet</p>
<p>^^^
Totally agree. She needs to play nice til then. However, I wouldn’t put it past them to hold out cooperating this one last time until she gives them MORE money.</p>
<p>But practically how can she do that? Her parents are stealing her scholarship money, they’re using her credit cards and ruining her credit, and she’ll have to use her savings to pay the credit card back (not to mention there are issues if money for her education goes to something else).
Wouldn’t it be preferable to at least block the credit cards and change all passwords, and contact the school, perhaps a dean, to explain the situation, so that if the parents refuse to fill out FAFSA she has a recourse or something already in place?
I’m genuinely asking (this is NOT rhetorical), because I don’t know, but I worry that without contingency plans and blocking the cards the damage could be even worse than it is now :(</p>