<p>Nicely stated Classof2015. I tell people all the time, you don’t know what you path will be in life and it often is not linear. Look at this as an opportunity to move to the next branch.</p>
<p>Thanks for the words of motivation!</p>
<p>The part about the non-linearity of one’s education is true now that I think about it.</p>
<p>“How does everyone else inherently know what they’re good at?”</p>
<p>They don’t. A lot of those who seemed to know inherently just made a lucky guess.</p>
<p>Like I need another reason to be angry at myself, just as I am starting to feel better, I think I just failed a class. It was a bio lab that I was not doing well in to start with. YES, I SOUGHT HELP WITH THE TA. I still couldn’t do well. I had lots of questions for the TA for my final report, so I went to her with them. You think I’d understand it by now, right? NOPE! I was still confused and struggling to get it done.</p>
<p>Yes, I started early and did everything “right”. Meanwhile, the party animal slacker classmates somehow do well in this class with minimal effort.</p>
<p>WHY?</p>
<p>BIO LAB, Y U HATE ME?</p>
<p>Yes, I have also been taking my medications as prescribed.</p>
<p>I want to “start over”…somehow. I don’t know how. Nobody is helping much outside of this forum. Everyone in real life just keeps asking me the same meaningless questions.</p>
<p>Considering that you have been struggling with some depression and a new diagnosis of ADHD, I wonder if you could meet with a counselor and maybe the lab could be dropped from your transcript. Especially if you are going to switch directions for your major anyway (are you?).</p>
<p>I don’t know about others on here, but a lot of us can relate to where you are and I assure you that things can turn out fine for you. Please believe me.</p>
<p>You seem intelligent, and also seem to be a good person 
We’re with you!</p>
<p>(Please find someone to talk with in real life though: you deserve some help in getting that fresh start)</p>
<p>Soarer, failing bio doesn’t make you a failure. Go google Thomas Edison.</p>
<p>You can get past this setback… moreover, you can press the reset button. Just get through the semester without losing your perspective. There is something out there which you will love and do well at and it will bring you lots of joy. Just finish the semester as best you can so you can clear your head and start to look for it.</p>
<p>@ compmom and blossom, thanks for the words of encouragement.</p>
<p>Though I love my parents, what’s also bothering me now is my parents’ attitude of emotional blackmail. My mom has threatened to tell family members (certain extended family members I don’t have 100% trust in) about my failures and makes me feel like an embarrassment to the whole family. Once again, my mom loves me, but has some weird sense of family prestige that having a learning need is detrimental to.</p>
<p>She also compares me to acquaintances who she considers “failures” (bear in mind, most of these “examples” never finished high school or were alcoholics/drug addicts).</p>
<p>My father keeps paying the $60K/year happily, yet also thinks of me as a failure. In his words: “You get bad grades, you aren’t involved in anything, you don’t socialize, you don’t have a girlfriend…you’re just a failure! I don’t know what to do with you.”</p>
<p>I’m really sorry you don’t feel their support Soarer. Sometimes it is like that with parents. You need to sort of separate yourself from their criticism and make a list of 10 qualities you think are your best. Keep that list closeby to pull out and remind yourself that you are worthwhile, productive and hard working.</p>
<p>Thanks Lakemom!</p>
<p>Another thing I’d like to add is that I’m worried my parents will say the medication that I started LAST WEEK is useless because my grades didn’t improve. (It seems to help - it’s just that most of the semester already went by!)</p>
<p>In fact, when I came home last weekend and my father saw me taking it (as prescribed, I should add), he tried to throw it out. Isn’t that ironic?</p>
<p>Oh honey, here’s a ((hug)). My S1 could be you. Is you. And has done so much worse in college, but we love him, even if we feel so incredibly helpless to do anything constructive. I don’t have good advice to add to all the really good input. Don’t think linear, especially about time. Maybe you need to stop, and regroup, and restart. My son withdrew from school, and will be returning in the fall after almost a year of working p/t. It’s not glamorous, but it’s less stressful and what he needs. </p>
<p>Tell your family yourself, don’t let your parents threaten you like that. You haven’t murdered someone, you haven’t embezzled money, you aren’t beating orphans…you haven’t done a thing but fail at something, for now. Most everyone who is honest knows they have failed at times. Sometimes for years. That doesn’t make you worthless, or lacking in future happiness. So admit to the family that yes, you are having a lot of trouble in school. yes, you are unhappy and uncertain about your future. yes, you are going to keep your chin up and keep trying, because you deserve to be content and fulfilled. Where’s the shame in admitting any of that? </p>
<p>I have friends who’s children died in fires, in accidents, from illness and from their own hand. All those parents would give anything —anything – to have the “problem” of a son who struggles. You are valued and valuable. I do think it would be good for you to see some sort of person who provides you with a safe venting spot. </p>
<p>Life is hard, but not impossible. You hang on.</p>
<p>[50</a> Famously Successful People Who Failed at First](<a href=“http://www.successconsciousness.com/blog/success/50-famously-successful-people-who-failed-at-first/]50”>50 Famous and Successful People Who Failed at First)</p>
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<p>Hang in there. As Oscar Wilde said, “experience is the name we give our mistakes.” You’ll be all right. It just takes some time sometimes. Good luck.</p>
<p>Soarer, I am concerned for you in light of some of the things your parents have been saying. I don’t mean to disrespect them, but anyone would feel devastated at being called a failure in that way, and I really hope you can find a good counselor who can give you some positive feedback.</p>
<p>I will say again, that all of us on this forum, and our kids, have experienced failure of one sort or another, and have come back from it and been fine.</p>
<p>The medication will take a little while to get right (dose, timing) and also to integrate with your work habits. But it will really help. And this situation is, in a way, an opportunity to reevaluate your path- in a good way.</p>
<p>Many gifted people have ADHD. I bought a great DVD from WGBH on this. Maybe your parents could watch it (and you!)</p>
<p>You need to speak to the office that deals with disabilities. You can get more time on your tests and perhaps even a BC provided tutor. You can do this but not alone. This is no time to be shy or proud. If pre med isn’t working out maybe nursing, communications, education or any number of majors will. You seem smart and you communicate well. You can make it happen. good luck.</p>
<p>soarer–</p>
<p>Okay, I’ve read this whole thread now, and I want to say that you are doing well, better than you think, under the circumstances.</p>
<p>As marbles noted, you can get extra time for your tests, and that will include any standardized testing you might take later in life. Have your therapist work with you in terms of getting the disabilities office involved.</p>
<p>It is common for someone with disabilities to take longer to graduate, just becuase they sometimes take a lighter load of classes, etc…</p>
<p>You can work on a plan for this with your therapist.</p>
<p>Listen, I don’t know what meds you are on, but some of us parents are a little concerned about you, so make sure you check in here with us to let us know you are all right.</p>
<p>You can make this work. You’d be surprised by the number of shockingly bright LD adults out there. Many of them are very successful and very happy. Try this book: “Driven to Distraction,” if you have free time. It might explain you to yourself a bit, and help you to see how much better things can get now that you know what is going on.</p>
<p>good luck to you and keep us posted.</p>
<p>One other thing I just thought of: ADHD meds can sometimes cause depression after the effects wear off, so watch out for that. You really need someone to consult with while you are starting off on those meds.</p>
<p>Yes, absolutely.</p>
<p>There is a new med called strattera, which takes longer to effect the adhd, but is very good at working with depression and anxiety in addition to the adhd. The only thing is that it is a black box med, and you have to watch carefully for intrusive thoughts while you are starting it.</p>
<p>Sometimes, too, if you have been depressed for a while, it can actually feel WORSE as you start to get better. But it won’t last. It will feel better more of the time as the days go by.</p>
<p>So, just, if you start to feel hopeless call the therapist ASAP. </p>
<p>thanks.</p>
<p>About the “lighter course load” and “extended time” - I’ve already been doing that for two semesters (I was originally misdiagnosed with some type of chronic fatigue syndrome - it was a rushed diagnosis, and the doctor soon referred me to get a complete ADHD/neuropsychiatric evaluation, and surely enough, that’s what it was). Yes, it’s helped, but has not been a magic bullet.</p>
<p>I can’t conclude anything about the medication (Ritalin) yet, other than the fact they make it easier to focus on what I need.</p>
<p>Only problems - I feel somewhat jittery, and at night, I end up my old unproductive self.</p>
<p>Okay, well, that’s fine. I was only concerned if it was the strattera.</p>
<p>Ritalin cycles quickly and isn’t going to stay in your system. Make sure you hang on to that, though and don’t leave it anywhere. I’m sure you know it’s a PITA to get if you lose it.</p>
<p>Don’t stress. Trust the process.</p>
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<p>Don’t be afraid to get the dosage adjusted. But, also, you will get some tolerance for this, and get used to it and it won’t make you jittery… Just, if it’s uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to contact the doctor about making changes in dosage, timing, whatnot. Be as open with all the people as you can and you will get the best result.</p>
<p>Yep, better late than never. Too late in the semester to get any real improvement grade-wise, but despite what my parents/family say, I don’t believe it’s too late!</p>
<p>Thanks to all the encouragement here, I firmly believe that my life is no longer a total loss, but instead just starting.</p>
<p>The only problem is - how do I convince graduate programs that I’m not a loser (despite how I’ve felt about myself) and instead someone who just needed a little more time and help?</p>
<p>Also, I’m still worried that my parents will say, “YOU’RE USING IT AS AN EXCUSE! YOU’RE A LIAR! YOU’VE GOTTEN EVEN MORE LAZY!” when I get my grades back if they’re not good.</p>
<p>There are schools you can go to between reg undergrad and grad school (particularly med school, if that is what you still want)… You will see. You can write essays.</p>
<p>But, let me make a suggestion: stay in the moment right now. Read driven to distraction. Get to understand yourself and ADD (I assume it’s primarily inattentive, since its such a late dx. You are probably very bright to have made it this far without help.)</p>
<p>But, don’t think about the future, right now. Do what is right in front of you and see how it goes. If you find you aren’t enjoying school very much after a few months doing it with the ritalin, you may just want to work for a while. Just because school has been a struggle does not mean work will be.</p>
<p>Stay in the moment. The path will become clearer as you see how this all goes.</p>
<p>It’s going to be all right.</p>