<p>Well, you can’t force them to understand you. </p>
<p>You can have a call with the therapist and your parents on the phone. that might help, to have someone else explain it to them. </p>
<p>But, it also doesn’t matter what they say or do or think. You know you are going to be all right, and some people simply have aggressive parents, or angry parents. frankly, if it wasn’t this, it would be something else with that kind of person, and that is just not about you. That’s about them.</p>
<p>Maybe you should have someone with you when you tell them. Just for a buffer?</p>
<p>You know, I’ve actually told them, “If you don’t want me going to BC, I’d understand. I can leave if you think that’s best for me.” I’ve also told them, “Maybe I should take a semester off.”</p>
<p>But…guess what? They keep paying the tuition! They tell me how expensive it is, yet had absolutely no reservations sending me there! HA!</p>
<p>Right. So, some people are just yellers, and you just nod and listen and nod and listen and say whatever it is you say to get them to stop it. Or some people just need to yell a certain amount of time.</p>
<p>You don’t need to take it in, or make it about you. It’s just about them. That’s their fear, their sadness, their whatever. You listen to it, and you let it go and you move on.</p>
<p>It can be scary, though. My father must have said the F-word a few dozen times in his last dispute with me, and my mother actually started crying over what a “disgrace” and “pathetic waste” I am, with some foul language mixed in.</p>
<p>My parents seem fond of using “martyr” manipulation.</p>
<p>Well, if it’s to the abusive level then I don’t know what to tell you. You should definitely talk to your therapist about this. Do you feel actually threatened, or just like this is really out of hand?</p>
<p>Can you leave when he gets like this?
Do you have other relatives nearby?
A friend you trust?</p>
<p>Tell your parents that intelligence doesn’t keep you from also having a disability. So, you are smart, but you are able to use your intelligence well in some ways and not others. You might look into fields where you can use your problem solving and analytical abilities on the spot versus having to do projects or concentrate for a long time on one topic or task. Maybe you can do something in the ER if you like medicine, though it need not be as a physician.</p>
<p>I mean, I still love my parents, and I assume they feel the same way about me - MOST of the time. My mother unquestionably cares for me - though very often goes out of her way to do so. Now my father, on the other hand, has been very inconsistent with me. Ever since I was little, he would yell at me in public for “not being social” - and still does. (Keep in mind, this is even when nobody I know is around.) He also still embarrasses me with, “GO APOLOGIZE to that person!” when I make an inadvertent mistake - even if I’ve already said sorry. Others actually say that I say “sorry” excessively - probably a bad habit he forced me into. At least he will go play golf or tennis with me - sometimes.</p>
<p>He also likes to annoy my mother and me on purpose. My parents get into a lot of arguments.</p>
<p>He seems to “disappear” a lot, though I don’t want to accuse anyone of anything.</p>
<p>I shouldn’t really “bite the hand that feeds”, though, if you know what I mean.</p>
<p>I don’t know if I feel threatened per se - just by emotional blackmail (to a certain relative that I don’t fully trust - of course, if this relative did anything to me physically, I told my parents I would call 911, and they quieted down).</p>
<p>Has anyone told you to drink orange juice to stop the med’s effects? This works with adderall, anyway. </p>
<p>I just got off the phone with my own child who is a freshman and has severe ADHD but cannot take meds at all due to another condition. She has spent two weeks working harder than anyone I know on a paper, researching, thinking, calling me to talk about it, but still has only written two pages, and it is due tomorrow. It is frustrating to know how hard she has worked and has little to show for it, while someone else probably started the paper at 10 tonight and finished in an hour.</p>
<p>So you are not alone.</p>
<p>However, I told her I loved her regardless of whether she finished the paper or not, and that I recognized her incredible hard work. Does this sound patronizing? Because it isn’t. I truly feel she is one of the most brilliant people I know, and I know that her strength will shine through, no matter what her grades are. </p>
<p>I’m sure the same goes for you, but you need some people in your life, like a counselor, who will say supportive things to you.</p>
<p>No, I fully understand that my parents still love me. It’s just that sometimes, they don’t know what to think of me and as a result get mad.</p>
<p>What’s often frustrating about the “advising services” system at BC (and probably many other places) is that it looks great on paper, but in real life, all the red tape makes it hard to communicate, at least for me. Am I asking too much?</p>
<p>I mean, it costs so much to go here, and certainly, the campus is beautiful and we have our share of good professors (along with the questionable ones). Yet why is it so hard just to sit down and have a talk with someone?</p>
<p>On the other hand, a shout out to Counseling Services. They have been very understanding.</p>
<p>Just finished exams, trying to get a plan for some summer courses. Looks like I will still be able to graduate in 2013 (knock on wood) - just not in May 2013. :)</p>
<p>Hi Soarer,
A little while back you asked how you know what you are good at. Is there a Career Center at BC? I’ll bet there is something like that. There are tests that can be administered (don’t worry, there are no wrong answers :)) and can point you in the direction of your interests and abilities. A good counselor can interpret the results and give you many career options which would take advantage of your strengths and be interesting to you. Glad that you feel you are on track to graduate sometime in 2013. I am sorry that your parents aren’t more supportive and understanding.</p>
<p>I assume that you have ADHD - inattentive type.<br>
A large multicenter study evaluated the treatment of medication vs behavioral therapy vs medication + behavioral therapy vs “community therapy” (aka ADHD treatment by non-psychiatrists or non-psychologists). </p>
<p>Results: meds were better than behav therapy for the symptoms of ADHD (inattentiveness). However, for academic performance, meds + behav therapy were better than meds alone. Thus, you should be seeing a 1) psychiatrist for meds, and a 2) psychologist or ADHD coach for behavioral therapy and organizational therapy. You need professionals involved. Additionally, parents should learn about behavioral therapy from a psychologist or ADHD coach on their end because they are a part of it as well, like it or not.</p>
<p>You should also be evaluated by your psychiatrist for depression as well. If you are jittery on the ritalin (dosage may be too high?), but still in a down mood, then you may be depressed.</p>
<p>ADHD is a biochemical condition of the brain that cannot always be overcome by just “trying harder,” and your parents need to know this. I’d refer them to the internet site run by the National Institute of Mental Health, a branch of the National Institutes of Health, a prominent government agency.</p>
<p>There is great book by George Anders called “The Rare Find: spotting exceptional talent before anyone else” that you should look at. The point of the book is that the best future employees or talents are people who have had significant struggles in their history. The skills they learn in order to preserver and become successful are skills that are necessary to get ahead today. And most kids graduating college today have not had to struggle or deal with adversity very much at all. He has some great examples in the book. Like the woman who started Teach for America. I think if you read this, you can find a way to turn what you are going through into an advantage in the future and show grad schools or employers how dedicated and talented and smart you are.</p>
<p>And the author is Pulitzer prize winning journalist. Good luck!</p>
<p>My advice (for what it’s worth) is to dump the bio major. If you don’t like it, don’t do it anymore. You don’t need a bio major for med school if that’s still where you want to go. Take a look at your options for other majors where you will be happier and where you will find what you love. What else have you studied at BC? If you still want to pursue medicine, it may actually make more sense for you to stay out of the bio, take what you like, and later go on to do a baccaluareate program to fill in with any needed courses. I think that would give you a better shot at med school anyway and it would give you a chance to breathe now and find your footing. You still have your life in front of you - now is the time to explore and find your passions.</p>