Two double beds together was in Mexico resort (In a few days I’ll put more info in my related thread).
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We sleep in separate rooms. I’m intrigued by the 1 in 5 figure. I don’t know anyone else who does!
We’ve always had a king bed. 2-3 years ago we got a new mattress. Since I picked the last mattress, DH picked. It is a rock. It is torture and I’d rather sleep on the floor because beds should be soft. Then, we got a doggie door installed due to our new dog, who also sleeps in the room. Said dog jumps up and down from the bed and goes outside and back in no less than 10x a night. DH never wakes up (!!!). DH is also a night owl and I can’t sleep past 7am. DH also sleeps hot, so he wakes up 2-3 times a night and throws all the blankets off. It is like a war zone sleeping with him.
My room is heaven. I have a soft bed. It is so dark and no dog and noise. Heaven. I think I sleep more now on average per night than I did for years.
We have plenty of visits. Honestly, because I’m happier and more well rested, I’m more likely to show up in his bed when he rolls over in the morning.
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@bookreader, I don’t have an interest in a king bed either. We’ve always been in a double for many years, then queen. The thing that has surprised me most in this thread is the number of people saying they sleep in separate rooms.
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We had a double bed for ages until my husband went to a conference in a fancy pants resort and got a king bed in his room… after that he insisted we got a king bed. Ahhhh… no going back. 
There was instantly plenty of room for both of us and the aging cat. Now, since we can’t upgrade the size (short of doubling up the bed), we get more bed space by not letting the current cat herd into our room. 
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DH and I have known each other a long time. We slept in a twin, full and a queen, until we had our third child and got smart. King-sized bed from then on. S24 did sleep with us until he was three, but not in the middle😉. He still came in occasionally for years, which was completely fine because: king- sized bed👍🏼.
We are used to sleeping apart when DH is on call, and those breaks make me appreciate him more. I like to sleep so cold that I’m shivering before getting under the duvet, and I’m a night owl who seldom gets in bed before 11:00. DH turns in early and warms up the bed! He luckily isn’t bothered by me coming in late and reading on my phone in bed (with dimmer than dim).
Separate bedrooms due to illness is a revelation—we started doing that recently, and I think it’s why DH did not get Covid when I had it at Christmas. It was nice for the kids that both parents weren’t miserable and isolating!
I don’t see how separate bedrooms says anything about the quality of a marriage or sex life. We’ve always said that our family does whatever gets the most people the most sleep.
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When we first met we were happy in a twin moved on to a queen when we got married and 25 years ago when we built our present house we had room for a king. We have a Ca King and it’s just right. Wide enough to each have plenty of space. Can move close when I’m cold and move apart when I’m hot. When we are in a hotel with a standard King it feels so much wider.
Thank you for your post. The relationship guru is only spouting what makes her methods look good.
Sufficient and good quality sleep is paramount. However couples achieve that should be immaterial.
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My parents have been sleeping in separate rooms since the 90’s. My H always thought it was weird. My take was that just because you sleep in the same bed it doesn’t make your relationship better. His parents shared a double bed until his father died. So he spent his days getting yelled at and then got to share a bed with her at night. Obviously, I keep this thought to myself!
My dad worked night work as a truck driver and worked long hours. He wanted his own dark space to sleep and snore without the animals or any humans bothering him. It made sense to all of us.
My parents are retired now and still have their own rooms.
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When I grew up a lot of my memories when I was old enough to think about it was that my dad often slept on the couch. We had a small house and no extra beds/rooms. My parents had 4 children (I’m #3) and #4 was an “oops” 9 years after me. One day when I was probably a teen I remember thinking maybe Dad was sleeping on the couch to avoid another “oops”!!!
I only did that one semester. My senior year I had a room of my own in the suite. The two mattress took up almost the entire floor space, but it was so worth it!
We have a queen now. I’d love a king but alas we don’t have a big enough room with awkwardly placed doors and windows. Husband’s CPAP machine does help if snoring is the issue, I’ve never found an ear plug that would stay in my ears, much less block the racket.
When I designed my parents house my Mom asked for a snoring room. It had her closets and a day bed.
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We sleep in a king. H and I are both very light sleepers and it’s nice to have the space. I am also a big snorer as well.
When one of us is sick we often sleep in separate rooms so we can both sleep really well.
Good sleep is essential for everyone. A well rested couple is a happy couple…
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Both sets of my grandparents slept in separate beds. One set by choice, the other because my grandfather lived in a hospital bed for many years after a serious illness.
My mom slept in the recliner because it was easier to breathe that way. After she broke her femur at age 63, she was completely bedridden and had a hospital bed in the living room for her last ten years.
With COVID, H moved downstairs for almost a year – until we were vaccinated. He moved back downstairs when he got Covid and stayed for a month. When I had my knee replacement last year, I was in a recliner for five weeks, and when I went upstairs to bed, he went downstairs. I had a very hard time sleeping and needed lots of pillows, etc. to get comfortable.
H has a CPAP – before he started using it, I’d wake up many times during the night. It reinforced my existing night-owl tendencies.
We found sleeping apart was good for our relationship. It was an affirmative statement to be together.
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Of course this thread came to mind when I saw the comic today:
I spent years moving to the guest room bed due to husband’s snoring (full disclosure, apparently I also may snore). Then he had three separate orthopedic surgeries over five years needing various pillow supports and more. I just started sleeping in the guest room routinely. Better than getting up during the night and moving to a cold bed, plus I could stay up as late as I want reading.
Occasionally I’ll start in bed together and about half the time move.
Husband is not really complacent with the situation and claims it why we can’t travel since we’d need to share a room. It is true I undersleep on vacations. He thinks if I try it more often I could get used to it. Umm - hasn’t happened over the decades.
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We started in a queen sleep number bed. Moved on to a standard CA king. Hubby snored for the first 20 and I’d be a midnight bed surfer. He got a CPAP and it changed so much.
We graduated to a latex mattress which doesn’t transmit motion. That sits on a platform with drawers. I can’t stand the shaky bed feeling if the base is anything less than a solid surface sitting on the floor. About a year ago we went ‘Euro’ and got two separate down duvets. This is heaven. Hubby sleeps hotter than I do so we each have control of our own climate zone :).
Now - the 16 lb cat likes to snuggle up to me as closely as physically possible. That’s the biggest sleep disturber.
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You’re the first person I know that also does individual duvets. 
I’ve gotten lots of side eyes when friends have seen our king bed with twin duvets, but I no longer have to fight to keep my blankets. Total game changer!
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DH and I recently switched from a queen to a king-sized bed. We thought about getting a weighted blanket and opted for two twin Bearaby ones.
So we sleep with a king sheet set, with the weighted blankets on top followed by a king coverlet. It works for us.
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We have always had a queen. I have thought about a king, but want to see what size room we wind up with if we move within the next couple of years. Of course it’s not just the investment in the bed, but the new sheets, comforter, etc.
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My European immigrant parents as well as most of their friends had separate duvets.
I use a top sheet or one of the now unused king duvet covers as a bedspread. Make the bed look neat during the day and doesn’t even look like two duvets are involved.
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Have a king which was great with small children crawling in😊. But then H developed lung issues and for a while was even on 24 hr oxygen. Now he sleeps with oxygen thru CPAP. The CPAP was kind of white noise but oxygen concentrator is awful. I couldn’t get a full nights sleep and moved to guest room. Better for sleep but gradually our routines are so different that it’s hard to sleep in same room anymore. H gets up multiple times and needs lights on because of balance issues. At this point I’ve gotten attached to my own space at night. And as a woman of certain age have enough problems getting and staying asleep.
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My sleep has improved and I believe H’s did too whrn we switched to each having our own sheets and throws instead of having one set of bedding we were trying to share.
By the way, for oxygen concentrators (which i have been sleeping with for 7 years), the trick is to use oxygen. tubing and swivel connectors and put it as far from bed and bedroom as possible. We do that in our home and wherever we stay (hotel, loved ones’ homes, etc. and the noise and heat of the concentrator isn’t an issue (and several of us are light sleepers, myself included). Oxygen tubing comes in varying lengths between 7, 10, 20, 25 and 50 feet. The company supplying the O2 should provide the tubing and any connectors upon request at no additional charge. Swivel connectors are very helpful and can be obtained upon request
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