<p>I can’t help remembering a concept from Econ – maximizing utility subject to constraints. So if you like pecan pie, and each pie costs $2, and you have $10, you will buy 5 pies. Not 4, not 3 – 5, because the assumption is that each of us will maximize utility (i.e., buy as many of the pies we love) until our money runs out.</p>
<p>So my question is: how to you force constraints when they may not exist? We also live in an affluent area where everyone has everything and each school vacation, the whole family is flying for a ski vacation, then the Carribean vacation, then in the summer, they’re either at their summer home or flying off to Europe. We don’t have that kind of money, but if we did, would we be able to act as if we didn’t (to impose a constraint) so that on the rare occasion that we took a great vacation, kids would really appreciate it?</p>
<p>I guess this is a long way of saying – how do you live below your means (if you have means)?</p>
<p>*Reaching 50 is a big deal and I have seen one colleague got a sports car and another went for exotic vacation. *</p>
<p>Yes we also associate with people who are in a much higher tax bracket than we are.
However, we don’t even try to compete. Life is not a competition & a pizza dinner with friends at home, can be just as enjoyable as a 4 course meal at a 5 star restaurant.</p>
<p>Broaden your life experiences to include those which don’t cost a lot of money!</p>
<p>Classof2015,
We have always lived well below our means. We never got on the fancy-car/big house carousel in the first place. We imposed the restraints on ourselves. If our friends/colleagues have nicer houses and cars than ours, well that’s OK by us. We are glad we can do this for our kids. It was a major priority for us since before they were born. If these people judge us by our things, then that’s their problem. I will say that now that our kids are in college and doing well, a lot more people “get” why we lived cheaply all those years.</p>
<p>We do like to travel (cheaply) and like Dad II, we are halfway through paying for two kids in college. This is the time to buckle down, because we also know S2 will be more expensive the last two years than S1 was. (S1 had a merit award and more remunerative job skills.)</p>
<p>Dad II, if your kids have not yet taken out Staffords, this year would be an excellent time to start. Some skin in the game is a good thing. I also hope your kids are contributing some of their summer earnings to their expenses. Time to sit down with your family budget and reassess where you can tighten.</p>
<p>With a nod to annasdad: we’re still driving the old cars (well, they work; when someone quoted me an outrageous amount to replace one of the side mirrors, I just googled the instructions and a rec for a parts supplier, bought a great torque wrench kit for a few dollars at the big box store and did it myself. And, I’m a mom. And, now I own a torque wrench kit.) We shop at Aldi- love that store. Used to live in Germany - can’t afford to travel right now, but it sure brings back memories. I cook elaborate meals at home, lay out the silver and crystal. DH bought me a candelabra at a 2nd hand shop- for less than we used to pay for one dinner out. Who needs “out?” Turn down the heat- oh, yeah- and we’re in the Northeast, in an old house with a nearly 40-year old boiler. We go for 58 in the dead of winter. I’m pretty good at plugging drafts and all the other passive conservation methods. (It makes sense.) I do however draw the line at turning off the AC (but we’ve only got a few judiciously placed window units.) Oh, and I love to hang the laundry outside- except I draw the line at underwear. Neighbors don’t need to see that. </p>
<p>For fun? Fun? Lots of it. No family vaca for a few years, but trips to outdoor concerts, the oceanside, picnics, cheap movie theatre, to see (and stay with) best friend’s family in another state, potlucks with friends, museums on free days, window-shopping in the artsy part of town, maybe a $10 splurge at the fancy cheese shop.</p>
<p>It works. We’re also paying down credit card debt. And, we’re grateful for the chance to live sanely.</p>
<p>Keeping up with the Joneses is a matter of attitude.</p>
Us, too - in spades. I attribute it to our 300 peasant generations of forebears. We were raised with the mandate that you never know what’s coming next, so do without the fancy stuff today so you can get by tomorrow. I’ll admit it pinches me a good bit, especially regarding the travel. But if I had to choose between travel for myself and a great education for my kids (hm - I guess that is the choice), it’s not a tough decision. </p>
<p>Hobbies are a nice distraction. I like reading, old movies, and CC, all of which are practically free.</p>
<p>There is a balance of enjoying it now vs waiting until later. We probably could have saved a lot more money if we didn’t travel as much with our kids. What we have now is a lot of good memories, but not as much savings. </p>
<p>Paying for college tuition(s) is usually the hardest period for parents. No matter how much one saved or with high disposal income, it is still a lot of money. But it is for a finite period. I am sure a lot of people feel like they got a big raise (lottery) when they make that last college tuition payment.</p>
<p>And think of it this way…once the kids are done with college, it’s like winning the lottery…well maybe not as much so when the college is picking up $40K per year of the tab.</p>
<p>We made it through seven years of two kids at private universities as virtually full pay parents. BOTH parents worked full time to support these costs. DH actually picked up consulting jobs here and there too. You know…we KNEW the costs up front (as did the DADII family) and made the decision that to make this happen we needed to BOTH work full time. And we did. I’ve posted this before…so it’s not news…my WHOLE (every penny) income for those seven years went to college costs for the two kids. ALL OF IT. It was why I was working (well one reason…I actually LIKED my job too). To be honest, if we had come up short, we would have taken on second jobs…but we both worked FULL TIME to support these costs.</p>
<p>I have a hard time lending “positive support” to someone whose income isn’t all that much less than our was, who is paying $10K per year for one kid (for ALL four years) and not much more than that for the other (for at least the two years). If need be, both parents could work full time…and if need be someone could also pick up a part time job.</p>
<p>I think it must be about attitude and interests. We have simply no interest to do what others are doing or buy what others are buying. That urge disappeared when highschool ended. I think for spouse and I, who came from extremely limited means, we get a kick out of being frugal and what we have is already a <em>big deal</em> (far more than we dreamed of as kids). We’d not get a thrill, but rather a sick feeling, if we bought $400 sunglasses, or an expensive car, or had 30 pairs of shoes. Our 17 year old TV worked perfectly fine until it didn’t and we replaced it. My husband is driving a car that cost $1000 to work these days. We enjoy eating at home with friends, hiking, reading. Our kids are the same way, which also saves us a bundle. You would never know in a million years our income and we like it that way. If someone is looking down on us about our choices, we are clueless since we’d never hang out with the kind of people that judge others by their conspicuous consumption.</p>
As far as how to pay for the college(s), everyone needs to have that figured out before committing. There are a myriad of ways and many variables, including the actual costs of the colleges chosen, and there are almost always less expensive alternatives for a particular chosen college (unless one is fully funded including housing) so it’s just a decision one needs to make given their own circumstances.</p>
<p>As far as being depressed about it - why would you be depressed about the decision you made? What’s changed now? To me it’s a no brainer - kid or new car (I pick the kid), kid or new expensive electronics/cameras/etc. (I pick the kid), kid or vacation (I pick the kid), kid or more expensive or fancier house (I pick the kid), etc. What better place to spend your money than on your kids rather than these other items? As long as you’re reasonable about it, didn’t over-extend yourself up front by selecting too expensive of an option for the colleges, and make sure you have your basics covered (shelter, food, health, reasonable retirement), then what more is there to think about?</p>
<p>Look around a little and open your eyes and you’ll see you’re likely much better off than a lot of people right around you. Be grateful for what you have and if you think you need to make adjustments due to changing income, etc., then just make the adjustments.</p>
<p>This thread was a lot of fun until it got serious. We need DadII to jump in to lighten this up. Reading all these posts on living below one’s means is seriously depressing. How could this economy expands without you going out to spend beyond your means. What jobs will be waiting out there for your sons and daughters if you don’t go out of your way to help to expand this economy? So if you truly care for your children’s future, stop living below your means.</p>
<p>We did the opposite. We’ve never lived below our means unless we absolutely had to. Been there done that. Our motto has been to try to make more money than we can spend. It has worked out wonderfully for us. Flame me!:D</p>
<p>I can relate to that. Right now I’m debating whether to spend the $1,800 the repair shop wants for underbody to make my 2000 Taurus drivable again or roll the dice and find another beater for the same cost. And that’s the newest of our three cars.</p>
<p>We’re happy. The neighbors think we live a great lifestyle. It’s all how you spin it. No, it’s not always easy, but there’s a good amount of been there, done that behind our current choices. The kids love our '92 car (from my mom) and the new one is 10 years old. Best of all, my kids lucked out and have an extraordinary college experience. And, they know it. And, even when they’re cranky, they love us.</p>
<p>There will be a couple of events with free food at your daughter’s Stanford graduation. Bring large refrigerated bags and take home the extras.</p>
<p>Well…I guess it’s not exactly “free”. These will be approx $40,000 meals for you They were approx $200,000 meals for me.</p>
<p>If you find other people’s misery helps ease yours…we will be paying a hefty sum for our child’s elite education for another 10 years due to loans we took out. I lost my job this past Spring…so…the income we planned on to be able to pay those loans is now 1/2 of what it was. We live in a much more expensive part of the country than DadII. (Lived where DadII is when we were first married…now I wish we had stayed there!!!)</p>
<p>Fortunately, we are not miserable but have simplified our life even further. Recent jobs report is not good…but…I am optimistic. </p>
<p>Our child received a spectacular education and experience at this elite university. Not sure a state uni or a merit scholarship school would have been as good for this child…but…it’s the perpetual CC discussion that I continue to follow. When all is said and done, I hope that DadII’s kids will appreciate the family’s “sacrifice”, and he will not constantly hold it over them if they don’t pursue the big money after graduation.</p>