I refuse to take out a loan to pay for the children's college

<p>The most important thing we can do is to be clear with our kids and try to be fair to ALL of them. Paying huge sums and taking on a lot of debt for one kid when there are many others is not fair to the other kids OR yourself and your spouse. </p>

<p>To me, our responsibility is to be sure we are not a financial burden to our kids as we age, so we have made all our decisions with this in mind. We also made sure that we could help both of our kids to get the college education we wanted both to have. We did not take loans for either of them, nor did they.</p>

<p>It is a decision that has to be carefully made by each family, working together to be sure that the family resources are used in a manner that works for the family. What our family or others values or did/does is not really relevant. We all have different resources to work with, different needs, different family situations, different work situations. Making choices that work for YOUR family and sharing the info with all family members is key. </p>

<p>Both H & W need to agree on what is appropriate and reasonable for the family, so that it doesn’t create a huge wedge between them and among the kids.</p>

<p>I believe in Stafford loans, summer jobs, and work-study - it’s good for a kid without disabilities to have some skin in the game. I certainly wouldn’t mortgage my house so my kid didn’t need to work.</p>

<p>That said, I’ve got no issue with living below my means for many years to be able to afford the EFC plus a cushion at a meets-full-need school, which for us would also cover the excess over student loan / summer job at a less expensive school that doesn’t meet need.</p>

<p>lake42ks – you sound a lot more like my parents. I don’t know where this K-16 entitlement idea comes from. I understand that some parents CHOOSE to do this for their children, but it really should be a choice. My parents have been incredibly giving to me and my siblings while growing up – but they have made it clear that their obligation ends when we graduate from high school. I don’t find this mean or selfish. Both of them paid their own way through college – it took my father over 8 years to do this because he had to take entire semesters off to work and save up some money.</p>

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<p>The financial aid system basically forces the parents to be involved in the funding unless the student is 24 years old, married, or a military veteran.</p>

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<p>It was easier back then to work one’s way through college because state universities were a lot less expensive (even after adjusting for inflation).</p>

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<p>Believe me, as a parent I’d love to pay my kids K-16 education. I’d really appreciate they don’t have the K-16 entitlement too. As UCB stated, we are on the hook unless being a bad parent.</p>

<p>My parents are not involved at all. I don’t know what the “financial aid system” says, but my parents are not paying for college at all. If students do not go to college at all, they have no right to money earned by their parents, do they? Why is it different for a child attending college?<br>
I readily admit that I am in no way an expert. I am just a junior in high school. My brother is a junior in college and I know that my parents have contributed $0 to his college education. Can they be forced to pay? He is not married, not a veteran, not over 24. I realize I need to be more educated about financial aid, but this just seems a little bit unbelievable.<br>
Are there any websites that I should consult to educate myself more about this subject? Also, I don’t know that it was really easier “back then” to work one’s way through college. With the introduction of online courses, it seems to me that it would be easier in many ways now.</p>

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<p>No, they cannot be forced to pay. But financial aid will assume an expected family contribution that the student must somehow come up with if the parents do not pay (unless the parents are low income enough that the expected family contribution is $0). Note that students can only borrow a limited amount without a co-signer.</p>

<p>If your parents are low income enough that the expected family contribution is $0, and they are willing to provide financial aid form information, then your situation with respect to college financial aid than someone from a family with higher income but inability or unwillingness to pay the expected family contribution. Merit scholarships would be the main source of alternate funding in this case.</p>

<p>You can search each college web site for “net price calculator” to get financial aid estimates specific to you at each college, and [FinAid</a>! Financial Aid, College Scholarships and Student Loans](<a href=“http://www.finaid.org%5DFinAid”>http://www.finaid.org) for more general information.</p>

<p>sybbie719–those are federal loans only. There are other loans the kids can take. Haven’t decided if we will co-sign but for that DS, probably. He is the penny pincher of all the kids. Realistically though, probably not going to be an issue as he won’t be able to afford the school anyway.</p>

<p>lake42ks–easy, they don’t go to schools that cost $59K. Right now our two seniors are looking at a net cost, after automatic merit awards and some other awards they have already gotten, of about 9000 at the school DD committed to and the one that DS will likely end up at. They are both up for full tuition scholarships which can be stacked with their other scholarships, leaving DD with a net cost of about $200 (yes hundred) and DS a net cost of about $2200. If he gets the other scholarship he is going for, and there is a very good chance of that, he will be the same as DD. Their parents will be very happy then. No loans in those calculations–simply merit. They found a school they love that loves them back :D. Considering we haven’t submitted any financial info, doesn’t matter what our EFC is anyway.</p>

<p>xiggi–even on the FAFSA website they say that the responsibility for paying for college rests on the STUDENT, not the parents, but they realize that parents do contribute and thus why they need parental financial information. Our kids have never been under the assumption that we would pay 100% of college for them. We paid 100% of our own schooling. We will help them out more than we got help but we also spent a lot of time finding schools that were good fits for the kids that were affordable for THEM. DD had to turn down her #1 choice because they just didn’t come through with the money and as hard as that was, we think its a very good thing for her—and this is our alma matter we are talking about so that says a lot.</p>

<p>We both saw way too many kids in college with zero or little skin in the game squander away 1000’s of their parents dollars because they could. Not happening at our house.</p>

<p>Our kids also know that because they have done well in high school, got the large scholarships they did and won’t need much from us to pay for college that they get some perks like travel over spring breaks, study abroad programs, etc. They will work in the summers for spending money but won’t have to work while in college. DD won’t have time to work (athlete) but DS will probably get a job just because he will have the time.</p>

<p>I hope that parents who won’t help their kids with college costs or loans were upfront with their kids when they were very young. How awful to be told how important a college education is when they were growing up and then find out you can’t afford to go. That just makes me sad. H and I wanted our Ds to go to good schools so we scrimped and saved and told them how important scholarships would be so work hard and be the best you could be. D1 graduated with no debt and D2 will graduate this spring debt free.</p>

<p>Yes, it seems wrong for families to emphasize how important college is but refuse to pay ANY of it. In this case, OP says they will pay the EFC, which is what a formula says is the family share. As long as that is consistent with the school’s calculation, that should work pretty well. If there is a huge gap between that and what the school offers, it can be very difficult for the student.</p>

<p>I got merit and FAid for all my years of college and grad school. When I graduated after 7 years, my total outstanding loan balance was <$3K, which I had in my savings account. I feel it is MUCH harder for young people these days since incomes are so far below costs relating to colleges, even though H also put himself through college.</p>

<p>Our S did get significant merit aid >50% of his tuition, but D is full pay.</p>

<p>We had a lot of equity so a home equity loan seemed like a fairly safe and painless way to help ensure daughter had the luxury of graduating debt-free. It worked out just fine for us: her education is now paid off, so we’ll probably do the same for our son. But it’s a personal decision, I know.</p>

<p>I am both a parent of a high school senior and a high school administrator. I can say without a doubt that communication is all that matters. My D applied to a big range of schools (all that she liked) with the knowledge that it would come down to financial package for both the short term and for long term return on investment. She knows exactly how much is in her 529 and has even taken to requesting 529 deposits for her presents from extended family. When March/April comes around hopefully she will have some packages to review. Like others have said, she also applied to a safety that is a financial safety as well as an academic fit (It is the most consistent piece of advice that I give families).</p>

<p>There are only two ways that I have seen a child treated unfairly in regards to higher education costs- 1) giving a child the impression that you will pay for college when in reality you can’t and 2) refusing to participate in the financial aid process. It is nearly (not completely) impossible for a child to get financial aid without the parent participating in the process. </p>

<p>Let the child in on the financial realities and let him/her participate in financial planning. You may be surprised to find they choose the economical path.</p>

<p>I find it selfish that parents refuse to help pay for a student’s education when the parents are the one that constantly pushes their kid to go to school and to work hard and then when the time comes to talk about money they just leave their kid to be on their own. What kind of mentality is that?</p>

<p>“My husband and I are disagreeing. I refuse to take out loans to pay for the children’s college. We have enough money saved to pay the EFC all four years. We told our children to get jobs.”</p>

<p>Jobs most likely will NOT make up the difference. With that said, there is something to be said for letting the student manage it on his/her own and then if the student fails to get a job which pays enough so that he/she does not default on his/her loans, then the parents start to chip in and help. It doesn’t make sense for me for parents to pay thousands and thousands of dollars only for the student to graduate with a high paying job and no debt. But it really depends on the circumstances. </p>

<p>“I hope that parents who won’t help their kids with college costs or loans were upfront with their kids when they were very young.”</p>

<p>With college costs rising so quickly this past decade, it is very possible that the OP’s EFC would have paid for the full cost when her children were very young and now only meet a portion of it due to ballooning costs. Although I do have more sympathy for the students, I also sympathize with the parents. </p>

<p>“Also, I don’t know that it was really easier “back then” to work one’s way through college. With the introduction of online courses, it seems to me that it would be easier in many ways now.”</p>

<p>You miss the point. It costs more now. </p>

<p>“To me, our responsibility is to be sure we are not a financial burden to our kids as we age, so we have made all our decisions with this in mind.”</p>

<p>hehe. I WISH my parents thought this way. They didn’t give me $1 for college. I’m fine with that as I’ve graduated and got a job that allows me to make the minimum payments (even if I will be making payments forever). However, they are in their late 50’s and early 60’s and are living paycheck to paycheck. I know they will be a financial burden to me as they age.</p>

<p>If parents have saved enough money to pay the Expected Family Contribution for all 4 years, then they’ve done their part. Why should they cover more than what is expected by taking out home equity loans or dipping into retirement? This scenario should only occur if the college is covering significantly less than 100% of need (so much less that the student cannot make it up with any realistic combination of work-study, summer employment, or student loans). If that’s the scenario, then try to find a different school (one that is cheaper or offers better aid).</p>

<p>NorthMinnesota–our older 2 were able to graduate with little to no debt and little to no contribution from us quite easily. Looks like our next 2 will do the same. We did contribute to their college education by making sure they had the opportunity to do well in K-12, which they did, for the most part. We gave the kids a number to start, we won’t go over that number and it looks like we won’t need to, 4 for 4.</p>

<p>There is a HUGE difference between not taking on parental debt and not helping your kids in college. NO parent should take on debt for their child to go to college. It’s just very, very poor financial planning this close to retirement, sorry.</p>

<p>As for kids needing help today compared to the past, the only reason kids need more help today is that more parents THINK their kid needs to go to a school that costs 59K/year. I’ve posted several times that the percent of college costs in relation to parents salaries has remained exactly the same (actually a fraction lower college cost to salary now) for the past 30+ years. The percent of average student loan debt to the average starting salary for a college grad has actually been cut almost in half, even though the number is bigger now, it’s still a smaller percentage of their starting salaries, which is also bigger.</p>

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This is a huge over-generalization. The wisdom of borrowing depends upon each family’s financial circumstances and prospects, including how much debt is already carried, how new debt payments will fit into the family budget, expectations of job promotions or inheritances, how far way retirement actually is (there are some young parents out there!), etc., to say nothing of the importance that family places on a particular type of education for their kid–there are so many factors. I wouldn’t presume to second guess anyone’s decision to borrow to pay for college, any more than I would second guess their use of a mortgage to buy a bigger house or their financing a new car. And not knowing the details of OP’s circumstances nor her husband’s plans for how to manage the proposed debt, I think it’s foolish to offer advice to her. This is a matter to be worked out between the spouses. I do find it unfortunate that the issue of paying for their childrens’ education hasn’t been thrashed out long before now. I wouldn’t be surprised if financial matters are a long-standing bone of contention in this marriage.</p>

<p>" I’ve posted several times that the percent of college costs in relation to parents salaries has remained exactly the same (actually a fraction lower college cost to salary now) for the past 30+ years. The percent of average student loan debt to the average starting salary for a college grad has actually been cut almost in half, even though the number is bigger now, it’s still a smaller percentage of their starting salaries, which is also bigger"</p>

<p>Do you have a link on this? I think this is wrong.</p>

<p>I don’t think income is up this much…</p>

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