Like many here, my mama heart hurts for you; I wish I could show you what your life may be like 5 months into the future. Not sure what decision you made, but if you’re on your way to campus, congratulations!! That was a big step. I would propose an alternative view; living apart from HS friends can be freeing and allows you to fully pursue your interests. There’s no more going along with something just because that’s what everyone else wants to do. Get involved, try out new activities and clubs. D20 went in blind; she didn’t have a single friend at her college. She hit up the club/activities fair a few semesters and tried out different clubs until she found her passion. She added a more artistic minor which opened up a whole new world. She joined film club, just traveled to LA for an industry conference…all things she probably wouldn’t have done if she’d stuck to college with her HS friends. I’m guessing she’d be in the same “box” as 1st day freshman year. College opens up a whole new world; take advantage of the opportunities, branch out and try new things, take risks and learn from them. The good thing about public flagships is there are tens of thousands of people to meet, learn from and experience. Pretty exciting, don’t let your fear of the unknown keep you from the possibilities and seek help from campus counseling if you need to.
thank you all for the wonderful words of advice and encouragement. by some miracle (or curse) of the universe, our hotel cancellation deadline was extended so i’ve gotten more time to think.
i have become increasingly depressed at the thought of going away to the point where i cant even bring myself to pack without bursting into tears. its an unbearable feeling. i don’t want my fear to get the best of me, but it keeps getting harder with every moment that passes.
Don’t let it. You’ve got this.
Just move ahead. It’ll work out. You’re not alone. Many moss home but life is long and exciting. School isn’t that long and you’ll be home. Video in between etc.
Just think of all the exciting new things you’re about to embark on. Mom is likely very excited for you.
Can you ask the college for a semester or year deferral? And in the meantime , seek treatment for anxiety? It sounds like this is a good college for you, but this much anxiety seems overwhelming and I am concerned that it will impact your ability to thrive.
Wishing you the best.
Alternatively, don’t think too far ahead.
You’re feeling paralyzing fear.
It’s okay.
Even super enthusiastic kids are feeling scared right now.
And since you’re an overthinker and were worried in the first place and seem to suffer from terrible “impostor syndrome”… yeah, it’s like thinking of the future has become a grip that squeezes, squeezes…
But this is NOT a reflexion on CollegeA.
This reflects your fear.
You project it into a mirror and it hits you back in the face.
But this ISN’T CollegeA.
Remember that you can ALWAYS return, you can ALWAYS transfer to CollegeB.
You owe it to yourself to give CollegeA a try.
And if it doesn’t work, there’s no shame in it, you tried, it didn’t work out, you’ve got awesome fallback plans and no regrets.
So, for now, you’re just going to go through the motions and give CollegeA and your roommate and the Honors Dorm and the Honors College… a chance.
Now, if you’re feeling hopeless and paralyzed… follow these instructions
To help you pack
- put your favorite music SUPER LOUD in your ears
- put the suitcase on your bed, open it
- in the bottom, put socks, underwear, shoes/slippers
- a favorite towel, a favorite hoodie, a favorite toy or stuffed animal
- comfortable clothes, short and long sleeves, shorts, pants/skirts
- CollegeA swag
- 1 nice outfit
Congrats!
In a large bag with a zipper, pack things you like: posters, printed pictures, lights,a rug, a recipe book, a candle, a couple books…
If you have a thumb size spray bottle… put some of your mom’s favorite perfume in it. (If you don’t, you can probably find one at a local supermarket, trvel size toilettries etc). Add to your toiletry bag.
Bring everything to the hall.
Now, turn off the music.
Treat yourself to a mother-daughter movie.
Could be Barbie, could be Pride&Prejudice, could be Like Water for Chocolate, could be a favorite TV comedy… 
with your mom’s favorite ice cream flavor!
Tell your mom: I’m super scared, I’m having cold feet… but I WILL MAKE IT and you’ll be so proud of me even if right now it’s so so hard.
**
You could stay home and remain your mom’s little one some more. Your mom would be happy for a short while but then she’d worry. Little birds are supposed to leave the nest and learn to fly.
Quite a few students are feeling nervous right now about going away to university. When you arrive on campus there will be a lot of students who do not know anyone. They will also be looking to make friends and to get to know people. There will be quite a few clubs and quite a few activities that provide things to do and ways to meet other students.
There was a thread maybe a couple of years ago (I am not sure how many years back, it might have been pre-COVID) started by a student who was quite home sick and was not comfortable with their college choice. This went on for a while which several of us suggesting things that the student could do (I think that joining a club was one suggestion). By the end of the thread the student had settled into their new university, had made friends, and loved it.
It is normal to be nervous about any major change in a person’s life. Going off to university is a major change. However, it is a change that the large majority of us (particularly here on this web site) have done. The first step is not easy.
Nothing makes a parent happier than when their little ones learn to fly…
A few thoughts/suggestions to consider:
- When I went away to college back in the Stone Age, I was both excited and scared. Super scared that I wouldn’t make friends. Lived freshman year in a traditional style dorm with communal bathrooms (i.e., 1 bathroom in the hallway that everybody shared). I forced myself to do a couple of things which ended up helping a lot in meeting people and forming friendships. those were…
- Whenever I was in my room, I’d have the door open. You’d be surprised how many people stick their head in just to say hello when your door is open. Bring a doorstop with you to college.
- Talk to people in the bathroom. Even if it’s just to say hi. Eventually, when you see the same people day in and day out, you’ll all be friendly with each other.
- I’d often study in the communal study/hang out areas in the hall…which were usually in higher-foot traffic areas. Somebody would ALWAYS say hi, or ask what I was up to, etc. That often would transition in the conversation to stuff like, “Hey, do you want to meet up for dinner later? What time?”
- Not living with a high school friend at college is actually a good thing. It gives you an opportunity to spread your wings, maybe shed part of the old high school you and try out new things.
- Most people hardly know their new roommates at all, let alone develop a friendship with them before they even move in.
- You need to truly give it the “good old college try” before you throw in the towel.
- when your RA for your hall does hall events, go to them and participate.
- Join some clubs at college. You might need to try a few before you find the ones that are just right for you.
- Remember that MOST students change their major more than once. Re: accounting vs graphic design…it doesn’t have to be an either/or. You could do both. Double major, for example. Or major in one and minor in the other. Or even major in something entirely different. Most 18 yr olds do NOT know yet what they want to do with their lives. it’s NORMAL to not have it all figured out yet.
@albertwhiskerzz - First of all, I am so sorry that you are feeling so much stress about your college decision and moving away from home. From the high level of anxiety you are facing, I would recommend you make an appt ASAP to speak to your regular doctor and they will have recommendations for your - whether it be establish care with a therapist, consider a rx for anxiety or ? - it seems like it would be of value to have a medical professional to speak with about your feelings.
The anxiety you are describing sounds a lot more than college/decision jitters and if you are feeling like you can not care for yourself or perform once you arrive on campus - it is the right move to postpone your enrollment. Getting mental health support on campus will take some time and involve a fair amount of self advocacy - it doesn’t sound from your posts that you are there yet.
Please look into getting outside in person advice/assistance and your family doctor is the best place to start. You mention you are feeling more depressed and the feelings are unbearable - please speak with a professional and do not try to handle this on your own with strangers on the internet.
Change is scary and even the most confident person will be nervous - from how your describe your anxiety and depression is sounds a lot more vs freshman jitters. Thinking of you and take care of yourself - just know you don’t need to do it alone.
I agree with @coffeeat3. My daughter, who graduated from high school last year, decided on a college 8 miles from home and it was the best choice for her. She has a history of anxiety and depression and needed to be close to home and at a school where her best friend was also going. She didn’t room with her friend and made some other very good friends. She is much more confident now. Some young people need a more gradual separation from the home environment and you may be one of them. Please see your family doctor, who will hopefully be able to refer you to a therapist who can see you soon. It may take some time to get proper treatment, so I think requesting a gap year or semester from college A (if that’s possible) may be a good idea. If you instead decide to go ahead with going to college A this semester, make sure you visit the Student Health Center and request an appointment with a therapist there.
I think there are times when it’s best to push through these feelings, and times when we need to listen to them. I think you will feel enormous relief if you decide not to leave for School A and hope you can work things out w/out regret. I am sure you can.
OP- hugs to you.
I have no advice- just to offer support and to let you know that you will come out the other side of this! I promise! Regardless of how you move ahead, you WILL feel better and you WILL be able to leave the sad and depressed feelings behind you. Not right now but soon…
Thinking of you.
I haven’t read every response in detail, but I’m surprised how many people are encouraging you to choose College A. In my opinion there is a difference between feeling nervous and excited about going away, and feeling almost debilitated by the idea of it. These are two very different feelings, and I’d encourage you to trust your gut, whatever it tells you. College A accepted you and will likely do so again in a year, if you’re feeling more ready to be farther from home, having a residential college experience. What’s the rush? Everyone was challenged during the pandemic, but I have spoken with SO MANY students starting college this year who feel they missed out on a year of academic preparation, maturity, independence, self-reliance… what’s the rush to start at College A next week? If you want to pave the way, double check with courses you can take now will fill requirements at College A to make that transition easier.
It’s okay not to be ready right now. 18 is an arbitrary age to start college. Yes, you will probably thrive if you get to College A and use the resources and supports available to you. Still, if you were my kid, I’d tell you to trust your gut and take your time.
I agree with this also. Life is not a race. Of the most successful people who I know, almost NONE of them took the shortest or fastest path to become successful. Many very good universities will still be there a year from now, or two years from now.
If the thought of moving away is not letting you function and going to a local cc and then transferring is not causing distress then the answer in my mind is very clear. Whatever happens, you will be ok. It is just college. Your life is far more important.
thank you for all of your advice! i ended up asking requesting for a semester deferral with the intent of prioritizing my mental health for this fall. if all goes well, i’ll head back to college A in the spring. if not, then i’ll push forward to college B.
That sounds like a great plan!!
Love it! Step back, take a breathe and get yourself grounded. A bit of self-care and personal awareness and you will be back on track to finding the right path for yourself. Please come back and let us know how things work out for you.
Fantastic plan. 
Do come back and update us.
Good for you. Life is not a race. I know the time my middle son took off made all the difference in his having a healthy, fulfilling life. Good luck to you!