<p>Okay, so during the fall semester of 2011, I started working on a research project for a professor in my department. I was actually the assistant to a grad student working with the particular professor (to complete his thesis). </p>
<p>At first, I did a good job and the professor even asked me to write a grant proposal so that we could receive money for our research project. I did what he asked and we received the grant!</p>
<p>Then...last semester I was having a LOT of issues with my ex-boyfriend and I basically completely stopped showing up to work on his research project. I felt, however, since I had helped us receive grant money, that I was still a major help without being there.</p>
<p>I've been applying to jobs recently, and I emailed this professor last week to ask if I could use him as a reference. He had been a great reference before, but this time he emailed me back and simply said: "No, you should ask someone else."</p>
<p>Did I just completely screw up this reference or is there any way of fixing it, and getting him to be my reference professor again? I mean, I had already listed him on quite a few job applications!</p>
<p>I know this isn’t helpful, but your mistake was in completely stopping to show up to work. I mean, you didn’t even give him the courtesy of talking to him and explaining the situation and why you needed to step away from the project… you just “dropped” it. Your second mistake was in listing your professor on your application before asking him if it was okay to have him as a reference. I know a friend who did that and the professor was not happy.</p>
<p>Right now, you could try explaining how you had personal problems and that’s why you stopped showing up. Do not tell him this explanation by email. You should tell him this face-to-face - it’s much more sincere and makes it harder for him to refuse. There’s still a good chance he would refuse anyway, though.</p>
<p>Yes, you did screw up your reference. How would you feel if your boyfriend just suddenly disappear from your world without any reason? I have worked with a few undergrads during my phd years, showing up late is already a problem… but I haven’t seen anyone would just go disappear yet, that is about the worst thing you could do in the middle of an ongoing research project. Sure you may have some reason, but you need to learn to communicate, a long/sincere email or a 10 minutes meeting with the prof is all you needed.</p>