<p>I think you are correct to be worried that your attitude will cause serious problems, whether during your bachelor's degree or sometime later in life. The problem is not so much that you like to win, but that you get angry or jealous when others succeed. I agree with another commenter that counseling or therapy could be useful. Your honesty makes me feel that you will be able to make real progress. If you have time to keep us posted about that, I'd be very interested to read about it, since it might be educational for me.</p>
<p>I get angry when I feel beaten and I see lots of situations in competitive terms, so I am angry a lot. I'm planning to talk to a therapist about this. I also plan to work on thinking more about other people's feelings, since an article I found makes me feel that this could be useful.</p>
<p>The article is from the LA Times of Nov. 28 2005. It's titled "Competition freaks", and it costs $4 since it's from their archives. I think you'd find it interesting, but it's no substitute for talking to a counselor, especially since much of the article is about extreme cases. Here are some excerpts:</p>
<p>Psychologists have long understood that the source of motivation for everyone -- athletes, dieters, you name it -- can be rooted in either an internal quest for excellence or an external motivator such as a trophy, money or fawning recognition from others.</p>
<p>Internally motivated people are less likely to be hypercompetitive. They lack that constant push for recognition.</p>
<p>In contrast, studies suggest that external motivation is central to the hypercompetitive psyche.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>The researchers found that sportsmanship didn't relate to what the sport or activity was, or even how intensely competitive the event might be. What mattered were qualities associated with internal motivation -- such as enhanced self-esteem and a desire not to win but to master the task.</p>
<p>In contrast, the athletes who said in a questionnaire that they participated in sports for external rewards such as social status and beating a competitor also scored as less sportsmanlike. They were also far less effectively competitive, losing focus and lacking internal self-discipline.</p>
<p>Those who are externally motivated often think "their self-worth is contingent on winning," says John Tauer, a professor of psychology at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minn., who has studied achievement and internal motivation. "When they start any activity, their first thought is, 'I need to win.' "</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Hypercompetitive people typically may succeed in many parts of their lives, but interpersonal, especially intimate, relations are often deeply troubled, says psychiatrist Eickelberg. A 2002 study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology examined romantic relationships of hypercompetitive people and found these people "reported lower levels of honest communication with the partner, greater infliction of pain on him or her, stronger feelings of possessiveness, higher levels of mistrust, stronger needs to control their partner, lower ability to take their perspective, and higher levels of conflict."</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>The empathy gulf can be huge. Eickelberg sometimes asks his patients to figure out what a spouse is thinking or feeling. "I often get the response, 'I drew a blank' or 'I think she was doing good.' ... Gradually you see that these are people who probably lack a healthy capacity to understand other people. And that is where you begin."</p>
<p>Slowly, through a combination of good old-fashioned talk and behavioral therapy, a transformation can gradually take place. A hypercompetitor decides to volunteer in a school for disadvantaged kids, or devotes less time to the office, or reaches out to a spouse or a child in ways that were impossible before.</p>