I think my Ex-W and D tried to skirt CSS application requirements

Applying to College
1

In short, I’m a not-custodial parent of a college senior. My Ex-W has always tried to exclude me from any important decision related to my D. During her Christmas visit, I learned that instead of following any of my advice related to the college application process, my D had only applied to ‘one’ college in the Fall (ED with Vandy). Guess what? She was not accepted. Shocking! Irate, but trying to not throw fuel on the fire, I reinforced that she needed to throw out a much larger net or that she would likely be taking a gap year before college.

Long story short, she scrambled to get applications into Macalister, Grinnell and Tufts. My D only visits us when she ‘has time’ so I didn’t learn about this situation until she informed me on Feb. 22nd that I had to complete the CSS Profile…, today…, or she would not receive any fin-aid. She had received an email from Macalister that she was tardy with her application.

Well…, taking several days, I completed the application, but by then it was well beyond the Jan. 15th deadline for Grinnell and Feb. 1st date for the others.

Now she’s in a pickle. She and her mom are blaming me, because colleges are questioning, and I’m saying…, “what a mess.”

When I checked the different school’s Web sites, the requirement for non-custodial parents to complete the CSS Profile was displayed prominently. It seems like it would have been impossible to overlook. That said, my D claims that she and my Ex completed the CSS (for their household) well within the deadlines. They would have had to run across the non-custodial requirement if they filled it out themselves.

All that said, I’m now wondering if the two of them thought that they might be able to get by without my CSS Profile information in order to get more need based fin-aid. Based on the EFC calculator, my household income and assets result in an annual contribution that more than exceeds the full cost of tuition, etc… They also know that I am not keen on spending college money on expensive undergraduate programs at private colleges (different discussion). :wink:

Anyway, I’m curious if anyone familiar might know if the checks in the process might have defeated such a scheme.

I’m not sure yet how this will turn out for my D, but if it’s the case that she and her mother were attempting to defraud these schools, I’m sure that karma won’t play nice.

Any thoughts are welcome.

2

If you filled out the profile then the schools will have a record of you and you will need at some point to provide documents to them. The requirements are different for each school. Some will require w2s and tax forms upon application others will require it upon her choosing to go to school there. Some may ask for bank statements, but the system is set up for them to try and verify what is told to them.

3

Even when the non-custodial Profile is normally required, some institutions do permit applicants to petition for waivers. It is possible that your D planned to do that. If the waiver petition wasn’t accepted, then she would need to ask you to complete the paperwork. This could easily account for the delay at her end.

The usual advice here is that the parents get very clear as to how much they are truly ready, willing, and able to pay each year for college, and under what restrictions. And then let the student and anyone else helping to pay such as an ex-spouse know. Even if the others don’t like your individual limits, at least they do know them and there are no surprises. If your limit is 1/2 of the Cost of Attendance at the home-state public U (perfectly easy to look up at their website), then that’s your limit. The ex and the kid would need to find the rest of the money for any option elsewhere.

4

If you want to submit the noncustodial profile to Grinnell and Tufts, all you need to do is go into your account, add the schools, hit submit, and pay. Or, you can just wait and see what happens…

I’m sorry that your ex-W and D are not including you in the college search process. Maybe they didn’t finish those other two applications or something else happened where the financial aid forms were not needed.

5

My thoughts are that you sound very angry and argumentative towards your daughter. I know it’s hard to “go high” when you feel people haven’t treated you well, but if you want a good long term relationship with your daughter it would help if you can find a way to be kind with her even when you’re not feeling it. Instead of enjoying her misery and rubbing your hands waiting for her to receive some karmic punishment, you have the chance to be someone she sees has her back and is a support so might tend to rely on you and interact with you more in the future.

Your daughter may have made a mistake, your daughter may have intentionally tried to cheat the system or your daughter could have just been a regular dumb kid listening to her mother. If you can separate the anger you feel at your ex-wife from how you feel about your daughter and offer her guidance instead of anger and judgment you might find you have a much bigger role in her life.

But if she feels you’re an angry jerk who’s relishing the thought that she and her mom are going to receive a slap down (even if they were clearly in the wrong), you’re going to continue to be on the outside of future decision making and find that the infrequent visits become even less frequent over time. You’re the dad. Be the role model. Show her loving guidance and support so you can build a bridge to be part of future events.

6

It’s possible that she didn’t know that the non-custodial parent also had to file the CSS profile. However, there is no “tripwire” for this, i.e., she would have been able to submit her mother’s information without yours - they are separate processes. Not all schools require the non-custodial parent’s information.

7

I’d suggest not worrying about what happened with the Profile or why. It’s not likely to help anything. Those schools won’t give financial aid without accounting in some way for the non-custodial parent, and the system seems to have worked.

I would suggest, though, verifying what your custody agreement says about what you are obligated to provide financially over the next four years. If it’s nothing, then the suggestion above of offering half the cost of your state school is reasonable. Maybe you are able and willing to offer more. I do think you might need to be prepared for a phone call in early April saying “You need to give $40,000 a year.” You probably want to get out ahead of that.

And I agree with the poster who says you should try to act as positively as you can (however hard that might be) to get the best outcome for your daughter possible with what you can reasonably do yourself.

8

Thanks for the replies everyone, and Milee30…, great insight. :wink: