<p>My dad has had made it very clear to me he is worried about me making it in college. I am personally disregarding this because honestly my dad is impossible to impress. He is a perfectionist and I have already realized that nothing I do will be good enough for him. Now I just got into college. Took my placement exams and placed into regular old Calc I. I took Pre Calc this year and did very well in it. Now my mom just talked to my cousin who is taking trig and is telling i shouldnt be challenging myself by taking Calc so I dont hurt my GPA. I cant seem to explain to her I am not taking any advanced class. I am taking an average math class for college freshman. She then responds with why arent you taking trig and my response is i took it junior year and got an A in it. I then proceeded to explain to her that taking Trig again would not only not give me any college credit but it also cost us a lot more money. She just responds with well I think its a bad idea and you will get a bad grade. I personally dont no wut to do here I think I will do fine in Calc because I am getting an A in pre calc and math is one of best subjects. But it just kills me to feel like they dont believe in me. Is there something I can do to explain to her that Calc is just an average course.</p>
<p>You can tell her that the purpose of the placement test is to find the appropriate level of class, and it turned out to be Calc 1 for you.</p>
<p>Emphasize that pre-calc is a course that you take which progresses to calc. If it is not calc, what else would be next? What major are you doing? Maybe tell them that you need to take calc to meet the requirement to move to more advanced core classes for your major. Doesn’t this spell out clearly in the curriculum? Thank them for their concerns, tell them you appreciate their support but it is time to let go and let you be an adult and a normal college student. (politely, of course)</p>
<p>John, I can’t help you with the particulars of this issue, but I wanted to give you a parents’ perspective about the transition to college:</p>
<p>It’s hard for us to let go of you. For 18 years, we’ve been involved in pretty much every aspect, every decision, of your life. We have saved you from countless mistakes, and rescued you from countless errors you’ve made. We’ve guided and advised you, forced you to do what we thought was right, hovered over you to make sure everything went as planned. Hopefully as you’ve gotten older, we’ve given you more and more decision-making opportunities, but it’s been a comfort to us to know that we still stand in the background to help if needed.</p>
<p>Now you are an adult, and involved in the adult world of college. We have to let you follow your own course now, even if we don’t think it’s the right one. We have to watch you make mistakes that our unlimited wisdom could have saved you from. John, that’s the hardest thing in the world for us to do. We love you, and we want to spare you from the consequences of what we see as wrong decisions. We believe that our experience and perspective is greater than yours (it is), and that you sometimes don’t fully think through the long-term implications of what you do today (you don’t). The impulse to micro-manage your life is still very strong, and we struggle with it. We don’t always succeed in suppressing it; sometimes we just can’t help ourselves. We’re human, you know!</p>
<p>I remember being 18, and I now know that my parents did what they did because they loved me. They weren’t always right, but I wish that I had at least given them credit for having my best interests at heart. Maybe if you think about it that way, it will help you.</p>
<p>I had a big fight with my college-bound daughter today. The particular issue doesn’t matter because, like your parents, the root of it was that I didn’t trust her to do “it” right. After some reflection, I went back to her and said “Do it the way you want; I trust you.” And I do… but… not really, not in everything. Believe me, it was really hard to say it, and I’ll need lots more practice before I can say it and really mean it, every time.</p>
<p>The one piece of advice I’ll give you is this: When you and your parents disagree about something, you need to be completely adult about it. Really think about their point of view and consider that they might be right. Make sure they know that you’ve thought about it that way, and that you’re open to compromise. Be calm and reasonable. Resist at all costs any behavior that they might see as childish – yelling, pouting, defensiveness, arguing. The more you act like the adult that you are, the more inclined they will be to trust your judgment.</p>
<p>And one more unpleasant fact: It’s only because of your parents that you have this opportunity to go to college at all. Because they are probably paying your bills, they expect, with some reason, to have some level of input in your life. Even if you don’t respect the opinion they’re giving you, do appreciate and respect all that they have done and continue to do for you – and let them know it. Gratitude goes a long way with parents.</p>
<p>Good luck, John! This is a time of major change in the parent-child relationship, and I expect it will be bumpy for a while. But hang in there.</p>
<p>You need to let your parents know that your advisor has MUCH more experience in determining the classes students should be taking than they do. College advisors have correctly placed thousands of students over the years, just like you. It’s their job. Your parents get used to the idea that they don’t have a say in interpreting placement exam results. They also need to get used to the idea that it’s time for them to stop the helicoptering and hovering.
From a a former helicopter mom.</p>
<p>In addition to the good advice you have gotten I would say put those thoughts together and when you are getting advice from your parents, say ok that’s a thought, I will talk to my advisor and bring up your question/suggestion.</p>
<p>Initially, you may actually do that. I am sure the freshman advisors are use to parent involvement on some levels and your advisor, who does have much more experience, may give you the advice you need on how to handle the situation.</p>
<p>Ultimately, you eliminate the nagging, you make your parents feel better that you are listening, and you do what you and your advisor think best.</p>
<p>John,</p>
<p>Be appreciative of their advice, however, do tell them that the placement test is where the school placed you, that you have the foundation of knowledge to do calc, if they are still unsure, reassure them you will avail of the math tutoring center that all colleges have, you will stay on top of it. Ask them to trust you in making the right decisions. My D is a Chem E major, when I saw the syllabus I gulped, knowing the difficulty of the courses much more than she did. I told her that she had to from the start work with the tutoring center work with the TA’s, not to let it get ahead of her. Did she listen to me? No she didn’t (until she realized how difficult it was and that I was right) luckily it wasn’t too late, but in the end she did well, but it scared the cr … out of her.
As a freshman, first time away from home there are SO many changes for you to cope with, Im sure mom and dad are fully aware of that aspect and are concerned that you will know when to ask for help.</p>
<p>College isn’t high school, learning by osmosis does not cut it anymore. She was placed into Calc 3, her TA told her for every one hour of lecture to do 2 hours of HW and review. When she heard that, she knew she hadn’t put in a 1/3 of the amount of time it needed.
When she came home during break, she FINALLY said, “next time you give me advice, remind me of this incident when I did not listen? OK?”
Good luck.You will be fine.</p>
<p>I think they just can’t help themselves. They have to worry. This does not necessarily mean they do not believe in you, it just means it is hard to let go</p>