Okay, so first of all, I’m about to be an HS junior this September and I’ve been looking at colleges. I’m from Maine, by the way, and just so you know, Maine is like the complete ‘nobody’ state where opportunities are very rare. I’ve lived in Maine for the 16 years of my life and I really LOVE travelling and feeling independent. However, I have very strict and sometimes controlling parents who want me to stay here for college. Their reason being that I won’t be able to handle living on my own (as in living in the dorm) and there are too many evil people in this world nowadays. Another point, they think cooking, doing my laundry (which I’ve never done before) will just be an obstacle for me to focus on my studies. Honestly, I think they did catch me there and sometimes I feel like I’ve been depending on them way too much. Unlike my other peers, I seldom do chores. However, I do currently work (this is my first job btw) as a cashier at McDonald’s and sometimes I wash dishes and clean the lobby. So I’m not THAT ignorant to household work. However, I want to prove to them that I can multitask and it won’t be an issue to my studies. Because after all, that’s what the real world is like. I’ll eventually have to work and do household work on the same day and I’m afraid I’ll be dependent on my parents forever. Being the only child, I also feel like they just don’t want me to leave. My mom and dad aren’t exactly the most compatible couple in the world and I feel like I’M what keeps them together. Perhaps my mom is afraid that when I leave, my dad will change and it will be lonely here at home without their little girl? /sigh/
Anyway, what annoys me more is that what college I suggested to my mom is Northeastern University, which is like ~110 miles from my home! That’s not even half the distance my other friends want to go and they’re already complaining that it’s too far! Then when I mention this to my mom, she turns it back on me and says, “Well, why are you comparing yourself to your friends? Their lifestyle is different!” She says this because we’re a conservative Asian family and thinks I’m being influenced too much by my American friends who have really laid back parents.
I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve always been an honor student since middle school and as for high school, I have a 3.9 GPA. I’ve taken 5 honors last year, will be taking 3 this year with 1 AP. I’m in many activities and clubs such as chorus, Ultimate Frisbee, National Honors Society, and the work I’ve done at McDonald’s was for work grant so I have some confidence that I’ll at least be accepted into some nice college out of state. Financially, it’s not really a big deal because another college that she suggested was around the same tuition as NEU. We could always apply for financial aid too. It’s really just the fact that my mom doesn’t have faith in me. I think it also has to do with how her other friends’ daughters have been coming back to Maine after not being able to take moving out of their homes… But honestly, I feel like I CAN live on my own. I don’t want her to compare me to them because everyone is different! Any advice, please?
If your parents think you aren’t independent enough to go out of state/live on your own then start proving to them that you are. Do your own laundry, pick up some household chores and prove how responsible you are over the course of the next year. Get your work done without being nagged, work in the summers, handle college apps with minimal oversight from them.
It’s a bit manipulative, but you could focus on the prestige of Northeastern vs your local schools. Maybe they would be more willing to let you attend a more prestigious school? A little bit odd that they don’t want you to compare yourself to your friends but they’re comparing you to their friends’ daughters.
You can still apply to Northeastern without their blessing. I’d wait until you have acceptances in-hand to really get specific about convincing them for that specific school. Make sure you also find your best options nearby so if they really don’t budge you’ll still be happy.
Where do your parents want you to attend college? Do they only want you to attend one where you can live at home and commute to?
Study for the PSAT this October. There’s one shot: fall of junior year. If you cut a high PSAT score (the state of Maine has a fairly forgiving cutoff score), then you could make National Merit Finalist . This national distinction could unlock a lot of college opportunities for you and tease your parents into considering schools that are further afield.
@risetine ‘Being the only child, I also feel like they just don’t want me to leave.’ That could be it. Or it could be they wonder if you can handle the independence. But they have to let go sometime. Do they expect you to live and work in Maine? Live at home while in college?
The only advantage I see for staying in-state is going to a public college in Maine. Going to a private like NEU, you will actually get a boost not being from Mass, NY, NJ, PA. Though you have 3 great LACs in Maine, it sounds like you want to go somewhere else, which is part of going to college.
Now the hard part is this: what will parents pay for college? And will they pay if you go too far away? Even with a 3.9 GPA it is very difficult to get a full ride to any selective college, for merit anyway. Especially for an Asian female, as unfair as that is.
The above posters have given god advice. Be more proactive at home. Keep your grades up. Study for ACT/SAT. Keep in contact with schools you have a reasonable chance for admission. Know the advantages for these schools, i.e. the work-study nature of NEU.
You could consider Bates maybe! My one friend’s cousin spent a semester abroad while studying there, so while it may give your parents the comfort of being nearby it will also give you a lot of opportunities to get away and travel with their really cool student-exchange programs.
What would they think of a woman’s college for you? What’s your inended major?
Paragraph breaks would make your post much easier to follow.
Do they expect you to attend community college? Or live at home and commute to a 4 year college? I’d say you are doing well if they let you dorm at a state school given their current perspective. If that is how it ends up, you can move after college.
Does your guidance counselor have meetings with students & parents junior year? If so, enlist their help. If you have relatives or family friends who might be able to convince your parents, ask them to help.
Get cracking on starting to do your own laundry, simple cooking, and other skills. You might as well learn anyway. (But if you live in a dorm, you usually don’t have to cook – but it is good to learn for later).
Be respectful of financial considerations. You need to show your parents the net price calculators for the schools you are discussing; they give you an idea of what you may be expected to pay.
The Asian values argument is a red herring. NEU is 18% international students, of which the majority are students from Asia. Beijing to Boston is 7000 miles.
FYI
~1 million international students in the US. Half of them come from China+India+SKorea.
http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Education/2014/1117/Record-900-000-international-students-in-US-the-top-countries-they-hail-from
Students in dorms are mostly on meal plans, so there’s no cooking. Laundry takes an hour a week. Big whoop.