I want to major in music but my parents don't want me to. How can I convince them that I'll be fine?

Parents Forum
1

I am currently a senior in high school who has always had a deep passion for music. I want to major in music (vocal performance) in college. I want to be a praise and worship leader and gospel music artist. (We are a Christian family, and yes that is truly what I want to do)

They know this is what I want, and my mom isn’t telling me fully not to, but she does say things like “I don’t see the point in wasting thousands of dollars just to get a degree in music” which makes me sad. And my dad has told me several times “NO! Don’t do music, pick insert STEM major here”.

For reference, my aunt did voice in college and isn’t a professional singer; she plays at her church and gives piano and voice lessons. But they use her as a reference point like “she’s not earning nearly enough just from music to live comfortably” and “If you wanna follow her footsteps so bad go to the same college she went to” (the one they forced me to apply to b/c the app was free. I hate that school too)

I genuinely feel GUILTY for wanting to go this route. I’m not guilty of wanting to do music, I feel guilty because college costs a lot, and even if I go on scholarship(s), I’m “wasting money on a useless degree”.

How can I convince them/assure them that I won’t be asking “do you want fries with that?” all my life after college? I want to talk to them about this but my dad has shut every conversation down within seconds and gets very angry and my mom tries to be open-minded, I know she’s trying really hard, but isn’t gonna jump ship anytime soon.

2

Try asking in the Music Major subforum

As you read there, are you in the same boat as others who have applied for music majors? Do you have vocal teacher? have you been taking lessons? Are you prepared for auditions?

Definitely read this:

and especially: Double Degree Dilemma essay (written by David Lane) which gives examples of different kinds of students who want to study music and what options are open to them.

You understand where you are coming from…but try also to think about where your parents are coming from.

They will fund your college…but they also want for you to be able to support yourself after college. What IS your plan to support yourself? You don’t mention that. Is there a second major you could do that would give you other options? Is there a certificate program you could do after you graduate? Like become a paralegal or something?

4 Likes
3

You can’t. They are practical. You are emotional.

it’s not to say that folks that major in music performance in college can’t be successful, but by sheer #s they are not.

You can argue that you should do what you want in life. And I agree - it’d be nice for people to enjoy what they do. But the reality is you also have to pay bills.

But you cannot just tell someone to be a STEM person. I could not do it even if I tried. So you have to have that aptitude.

How about this?

You double major in something? Or minor in music…and get involved in many of the campus organizations whether theatrical or casual.

Colleges want you to experiment and you can get the best of both worlds.

I’m not saying your parents are right. That’s a personal decision. I’m a parent and I 100% get it. But on the flip side, if you don’t pursue your dream, then you only have your self to blame for future misery.

I think you can find a middle ground here though.

7 Likes
4

If the insert STEM major here is biology or chemistry, then the job prospects for that are not great either. “Good paying STEM majors” tends to mean CS, engineering majors, math, or statistics.

You may want to talk to your aunt about the pay levels in music and personal budgeting, so that you know what you are getting into. Also consider what alternate career paths you may like if a music career path does not work out. Note that many college graduates go into careers that are not the same as their college majors, although some careers may be helped by some college majors.

5

What if you major in music education so you also get a teaching degree? Or perhaps music therapy?

8 Likes
6

My husband (accidentally) minored in music, my kids are all musical, in the top HS choir, regional and all state choirs, most did the musicals, my two oldest participated in community musical theater since they were very young, voice coaches, my oldest summer programs (NJPAC), majoring in music in college was never an option (choirs, shows, knock yourselves out). My seniors’ choir director says it’s the end of an era (#4 and #5). Music is like tennis and golf, always there whatever your age. In the 80’s, my husband was in a cover band with his high school friends. They are still together, and have quite a following! A college education costs over $100,000, find a major you can tolerate and find employment, music is never going away.

1 Like
7

Please post this in the music major forum. And read the Double Degree Dilemma in the Read Me section as suggested above.

You can study music in various ways: BM (3/4 classes in music), BA (1/4 classes in music for major), double degree (BM and BA), double major in music and something else (BA), major/minor, or you can major in something else and do lessons and extracurricular performance and summer programs etc. Some BA programs will have some performance components.

For a BM you audition. For a BA you don’t usually but you can submit a music supplement.

“Music” is a big umbrella with performance, composition, theory, musicology, therapy, education, music business, music industry, music technology, recording technology, music production as well as classical, jazz, popular/contemporary etc.

You can major in something vocational related to music, like studio production.

But I assure you that music majors are not only working in music after graduation. They can access many jobs, grad programs and law, nursing, med school etc. At one time music majors had the highest admit rate as a group to med school, versus any other major.

I completely understand your parents’ worries and if you are planning on gigging for a living, that is a labor of love that may not support you. But majoring in music or the humanities is now so widely misunderstood and dismissed that it gets frustrating.

Maybe you could get a music teacher or counselor to mediate with your parents. Your situation is not uncommon, believe me.

1 Like
8

Would your parents consent if you agreed to earn a teaching certificate in music ?

Do you plan to apply for any performance/talent based scholarships ? If so, consider starting a thread seeking information about schools which offer such scholarships.

Any interest in psychology ? Is there such a thing as “music therapy” ?

Lots of students who want to major in acting/theatre/drama face similar concerns from parents so you are not alone.

Schools to consider for music should include Lawrence University in Wisconsin and Oberlin College in Ohio.

P.S. I just reread your initial post. You should consider a double major since your parents are paying & since they have your best interests in mind.

2 Likes
9

For a kid who wants a BM, Lawrence and Oberlin are great choices, and ditto double degree. Oberlin recently enhanced its Musical Studies BA so that those students have access to Conservatory resources. But for a family/student who do not want the fully immersive BM experience of a conservatory or school of music, generally speaking, schools with BM programs should be avoided because the best opportunities go to the BM students.

A school with a good BA degree in music would be ideal.

Yes there is music therapy but not a very lucrative path. Berklee has a grad program in music therapy. Teaching at the college level is a possibility.

Again, major and career do not have to match and music majors are well regarded for their work ethic.

1 Like
10

I think you need to respond to your parents’ concerns which seem to be financial — both how much college will cost and how much you will earn when you leave college. I would suggest that you may need to compromise on the college you attend if you have an expensive school in mind, but that doesn’t mean you need to go to the school that your aunt went to that you hate. Also suggest hunting down as many scholarship options as possible, and making a backup plan (like teaching or some of the other suggestions) in case your intended career of praise and worship leader & gospel artist doesn’t pay enough. I think you can follow your path and also have a backup plan in place that will meet your parents’ concerns.

I would wholeheartedly encourage you to pursue music. There are so many opportunities in the field. You may find that you enjoy some of the technical aspects like sound engineering or you might be interested in promotions, booking, management as well as performing.

As for how do you talk to them about this, if my daughter wanted to go down this path I would be impressed if she presented me with some options about colleges that are not super expensive, scholarships she might be able to get, job opportunities in the field of gospel/christian music, and a backup plan that might involve a double major or a teaching degree. But that’s me. I don’t know if your parents would respond to that or not.

It is your life, though, and at some point they are going to realize that you will be making the decisions. Hopefully you can also take their well-intentioned advice on board and read between the lines (ie: dad thinks STEM=better paying job/better life for you, meaning he’s concerned about you making enough money to have a comfortable life). And hopefully they can take your concerns on board that you want to pursue something you are passionate about and not be a cog in a wheel. Both are valid points and you do need to be able to support yourself.

You might say that you feel like you will always have regrets if you don’t try this and if it doesn’t work out you can always teach (or whatever your backup plan is).

And there is a chance that you will get into a music program in college and find out that it just doesn’t feel like you thought it would and you’d rather just sing in church. It sounds like you are really committed and passionate, but you never know what the future will hold. I think it is definitely worth exploring, though. And to that point, it might be worth taking a class in a STEM subject that you and your dad think might be interesting and see if it really is.

FWIW, my daughter is interested in the arts, too (creative writing) and I am okay with her pursuing that even if she doesn’t become the next JK Rowling. She might teach one day, or she might find something else she enjoys. Just having that college degree can open doors.

2 Likes
11

I know someone who did undergrad computer science and grad music. I know someone who did music undergrad and computer science for grad! I know someone who majored in music and went to med school, someone (voice major) who is getting a doctorate in Medieval Studies and a professor, and someone who majored in music and works for a major tv show and not in music at all. I know someone who works and now runs an international talent management company and makes a ton of money.

Anyway, avoid debt! Do you have schools you are interested in? St.Olaf, Gordon College and Belmont might all be a fit. Good luck!

2 Likes
12

When I think of the voices that have come out of the church, I just don’t know what popular music would be without them! But I do understand that what you want is gospel music.

You can do vocal performance and music education, and get certified for teaching K-12 music ed. That way, assuming that you live in a state that pays teachers decently, you can be a choir teacher in a public school with decent pay, benefits, and pension, although you may have to move to an area of the country that pays teachers decently. And you can do Christian music work for pay on the weekends, and possibly weeknights, and at Christian summer programs. And if being a gospel music artist pans out for you, you might be able to focus on that and make your living in it.

You’re a senior - what has happened with college applications for you? It’s a bit late in the game to be considering this, but I have a feeling that you might have been able to get a scholarship to a school that had vocal performance and music education.

With this in mind, are you going to the right school? I usually advise people that a reasonable guideline is that they can borrow the equivalent of what they might make in their first year in their profession. So an engineer? 80-100K total. A teacher? 60K total. A social worker? 40K total.

In your case, you have no way of knowing whether you’ll even be able to make 20K a year working church gigs and teaching music in Sunday schools. I could certainly see your parents feeling that it is not a good value to pay 100K or more for a degree that might lead only to piecemeal, no benefits, cobbled together jobs that earn you so little.

But depending upon your talent, your “stats” from high school, and whether you can combine it with a music ed degree (if you like the idea of teaching vocal music in a public school in a state that pays teachers well), you might be able to get a scholarship so that you could get out of school owing no more than a teacher’s first year salary, maybe even less. For instance, a school like BYU has very strong music and music ed programs, is cheap, and although it is Mormon, it is similar enough superficially in atmosphere to non-Mormon Conservative Christianity that you might be very comfortable there. Strong stats could get you major merit money at a place like U Hartford’s Hartt school, which has excellent music ed plus vocal performance, and is in CT where teachers make decent salaries. Many Christian colleges have strong music ed and vocal performance, because music as part of church worship is so important to them. Most states will have an in-state option for music education and vocal performance.

If you have no possible option on the table where you could major in what you want to, without your parents’ financial support, then it might be that you need to take a gap year and reapply to schools where you can get a vocal performance major very inexpensively, without relying upon your parents for financial support.

I can see where they’re coming from. There are families that would support a child for a music performance major, or theater major, or musical theater major, even when it is extremely unlikely that it will lead to well-paying employment. But there are many who won’t, who insist that college is also about becoming equipped to support oneself (and possibly a family) financially. You have to understand that from the day you were born, your parents have most likely been concerned about your future, how you will take care of yourself, because one day they won’t be there to support you. This is the reality of being a parent.

Personally, I think that you cannot force yourself to study something you dislike, just so that you can then earn a living doing something you dislike. If vocal performance and church music are your one true love, you have to pursue it. But you’re going to have to figure out a way to do that very inexpensively, and possibly without parental support - so that means some combination of major merit money, a very inexpensive school, or state school while living at home.

13

You can do church music on the side and work at a “regular job” too. I know people who do that. Majoring in music does not mean you can only have a job in music. It is like any other humanity, and grads are assumed to have reading, writing, and research skills as well as the perseverance and work ethic needed for a career.

Interning during college helps a lot with job prospects.

Again, you can major in what your parents want and continue lessons and extracurricular music. OR you can convince them, perhaps with the help of a counselor, that majoring in music does not limit future prospects.

I would avoid debt over $10k or preferably no debt at all.

1 Like
14

I have always loved music, but majored in math (which I also love). I have worked in high tech my entire career. There are a lot of people in high tech who are very good at music. One of the best (and most economically successful) software engineers I know has toured internationally with his music group (which I think is a rock group). I have played music in public multiple times and have run into other high tech people who happen to be playing at some of the same events – in each case I had no idea they would be there until I saw them walk on stage and start to play. Some have been really good.

I also happen to know a professor of music very well. He says “Singers and dancers are a dime a dozen. To succeed you need to have something else”. Others have suggested music education, which is one of many possible forms of “something else”.

At a minimum, do not take on any debt at all to get a degree in music.

1 Like
15

@warriorman Have you looked at the music curriculum at the schools you are interested in? A BM in music tends to be very rigorous. You can try printing that out and showing it to your parents so they can see how intense (and academic) it is going to be. That may help them realize how serious you are.

16

And life is not black and white. You can earn a living selling life insurance-- focus on artists who are likely underserved by the insurance industry- and do music in your spare time. You can earn a living working for a large hotel chain in corporate event management where your flair and knowledge of music is going to be exciting to your employers and your clients. You can work at an ad agency in account management and be the one person at the table who says “Let’s commission an original work for this TV spot/video and not pay gajillion dollars in rights to use the same Rolling Stones music that every other car company has used in their advertising”.

If music is your everything you can make it your everything. Just turn the model on its side. Would your parents be open to you double majoring in finance and music? Majoring in music with a minor in econ? Majoring in music with a certificate in early childhood education?

I personally didn’t care what my kids majored in (nor did my own parents). But I made it clear that 8 weeks (or at a stretch, another few months) after graduation, they were expected to be self-supporting. So working, accepted to a grad school with funding, Peace Corps, teaching English in China. But no longer on my dime (but on my health insurance if they needed since many “first jobs” have a waiting period). I majored in Classics but started working for a big corporation the summer after I graduated.

I am grateful to my parents that they put no limits on what I studied, but also made it clear that I needed to support myself. I had cousins who still hadn’t launched into their 30’s and it was not pretty to watch…

You sound wonderful and talented and I bet you and parents can come to a meeting of the minds.

4 Likes
17

Agree that there are many people who do music or performing arts as an “extracurricular” while working at a job in one of their other interests that pays better or more reliably than music or performing arts. On the flip side, there are many people trying to make music or performing arts into a career, but need to take some other job at least part time to pay the bills.

2 Likes
18

Both Lawrence and Oberlin have solid double major options that allow the student to study in the conservatory as well as the university. They are quite adept at working with this kind of situation.

2 Likes
19

If you are a senior, you should have already applied to colleges. Where have you applied? Where have you been accepted?

If you have not applied, talk to your guidance counselor asap. if nothing else you need to get your recommendations from your math/english teachers and guidance counselors arranged before you leave HS.

1 Like
20

@ParklandPol Oberlin and Lawrence have double degrees- not majors- for studying in both conservatory and college. A double major would be within the conservatory, or within the college. A BM in performance and a BA in history, for instance, is a double degree. For anyone who wants to learn more, there is a great essay in the Read Me section of the music major forum entitled the “Double Degree Dilemma.”

If the OP has already applied, it would seem that no auditions were involved and that the OP did not apply to a BM program. In other words the OP will most likely study music as a humanities/liberals arts student. Maybe that can be clarified. If that is the case, then a double major, major/minor, or majoring in something else with extracurricular music, are all possibilities. A BA music major has 1/4-1/3 classes in music- not immersive.

note: Oberlin has enhanced its Musical Studies BA so that BA students have more access to the resources of the conservatory, which may mean fewer double degree students. Bard requires a double degree of all conservatory students, which in my view, has always meant that Bard to some degree shares the bias of the OP’s parents!

2 Likes