Hi,
For the Stanford supplement about what matters to you, I wrote an essay about being transgender but unable to tell my parents because that really is one of the most important elements of my life.
But I don’t want the adcom to think that I’m just making this up for pity or something–I do not mention it anywhere else on my application because my parents forced me to give them the password to my Capp account. They also will stand behind me as I submit and vet everything, so I cannot place it in the essay box either.
I’ve written a “decoy” essay of sorts, which talks about something else that I’m passionate about-- but honestly it isn’t close to as important to me as this topic.
What I’ve been thinking abut doing is to send the essay through by email, and explain to the Stanford adcomms through email that I want to submit this essay in lieu of the one on my common app-- but I’m worried that this will call into question the veracity of everything else on my common app!
Also, will they doubt me or think I’m lying when I talk about this subject??? I think that I seem genuine, but I also don’t want them to think I’m lying for pity ESPECIALLY because as I said before I cannot mention it on any part of the common app.
What can I do?? Should I just stick with the decoy essay, which is pretty decent and reflects a different aspect of my personality? I’m worried that I’ll seem whiny, or ungrateful to my parents, especially since I talk about how I know they’re so traditional and when I tentatively mentioned the possibility before they gave a “strong hypothetical objection” (not nearly as nicely).
Thanks-- I’m so worried about this.
EDIT: I also forgot to mention that because I havent let anyone else know, obviously no one else (teachers, couneslor) would mention this at all. And also even though I’ve personally looked over the essay so many times it will probably not be as polished as my other essay, which will ahve been edited by other people. And since again nothing corroboroates it, I’m worried that it will seem like I might be hiding other things too.
It’s possible to send via email and ask them to add it to your application (not sure that they would replace the essay)- could ask to add or replace. Stanford will get bombarded with emails in the next couple of months and I really don’t know if they can respond to all of these requests. You could also call and see if you can fax it --fax is often the preferred way of getting documents to admission.
I think you should mail it to Stanford. You could tell them that your parents are still dealing with this revelation and you do not want to cause them “pain”. However, tell Stanford you want them to know the “whole package” of you. I have experience with this, on a different level, so I understand where you are coming from. Don’t ask Stanford to replace an essay but let them know that you want them to consider this as the part of the application where you tell them something they still need to know about you but was not addressed in the application.
You must make sure you have your official name, dob, current school, common ap number on the top of your correspondence when you mail it. So you should make sure you write
@milkweed Would that still apply if I do go the efax route? Sorry to bother you all!
Also I know this sounds stupid-- but I’m worried that Stanford would mention this to my counselor, who might mention it to my parents when I really have kept it under wraps for basically since middle school. I shouldn’t be worried about this right?
I think you should submit (with the decoy essay, unfortunately–it sucks SO MUCH that your parents are reading your app and will allow you no privacy), and then email the admissions office. This is a special circumstance, and I’m sure they will address your issue as promptly as they can. You could also call them, if you feel confident you can find a private moment to call them–if you get a sympathetic ear on the phone, you may get help more quickly. They can tell you how best to submit the additional supplement and you can deal with any logistics for mailing or faxing then. The only tricky thing is, they have every right to say no, they will not accept an additional supplement. It’s their prerogative since your Common App would have all required essays already submitted.
I believe that due to FERPA they can’t reveal the content of your application to your guidance counselor or parents without your permission, but I may be wrong. But pretty sure FERPA protects you…
I really, really hope it works out for you though! I’m so sorry you’re in this situation with your parents
Does this sound ok? Should I just send it to the Stanford admissions office–even if I didn’t submit my application yet?
Hello!
Sorry to bother you (I’m sure you’re busy!), but I wrote an essay on an aspect of myself that I consider absolutely necessary to understanding who I am. I can’t submit it through Common App because it’s about a subject that wouldn’t sit too well with my parents, who would probably notice it on my Common App account. I was hoping that I’d be able to submit it as a supplement of sorts-- would it be possible for me to submit this essay in any way whatsover? Thank you so much!
That’s a good start. I would be more explicit about the why, because being vague they may chalk this up to a student being dramatic (many are!). But I think any empathetic human being with a little sense would automatically understand the gravity if you mention your essay is about being trans. I would also more explicitly state that you do not have any privacy, re: the Common App: tell them your parents will be proofing it before you submit so you are unable to include the essay you would like to.
I would choose the drop down option that’s about questions regarding a submitted application so you don’t get lost in the pool of prospective students with questions who didn’t apply yet.
Sorry to bump this thread, but I did have to submit the decoy essay, and contacted Stanford admissions through email after… show long should I wait on an email response, or should I just try to contact them through phone?
sorry I’m kind of freaking out about the whole thing
Did you mail the new essay? If not, this is what I’d do with all of your info and the labels as they direct on their website.
You can try calling but it will likely be extremely difficult to get connected to anyone who knows anything.
If they were going to respond to your email, it could take a while.
1st These are people just doing a job. They aren’t your friends and they don’t care enough about going that extra mile for you. if you email then with a different essay then that is just more work for the admissions people; more hassle.
2nd You’ll have 2 different essays. That means you’ll have an extra essay that other applicants didn’t get to the submit. How will the admissions officers balance that out in terms of fairness to other applicants?
3rd How are you transgender without your parents knowing? Doesn’t that require surgery?
4th You won’t be the first person to tell Stanford that you are transgender. How is your essay going to be unique besides the transgender aspect?
Basically I think you are going to come off more trouble than you are worth.
