<p>Lisa, Not offended myself as I long ago gave up on the idea that I as a parent or my children were or wanted to be perfect. Congratulations to you on your success in working hard with your son and on his acceptance to Princeton. What separates one child who can be accepted to and happy at Princeton and other who cannot and will not is sometimes something much more substantive and meaningful than a "kick in the butt", however. Read Mel Levine's book "The Myth of Laziness."</p>
<p>Robrym, I have been a follower of Levine for years and he in fact worked with us and our son! I do believe that no child wants to be lazy. Many a child "on the couch" is there because of a difference in how he learns and sees the world. My proverbial kick in the butt for my son was to figure out how to motivate him off the couch, to provide a world of learning that fit his type of intelligence. Thanks Mel!</p>
<ol>
<li><p>per Mini - both parent and student should understand that the number of schools where any given student can be challenged and enjoy the experience is in the double-digits and that these schools do not have to be in the Ivy league or any "Top 10."</p></li>
<li><p>Make a realistic assessment of your family's financial resources (and your willingness to part with them,) and research the likely actual cost to your family of a wide variety of schools. </p></li>
<li><p>Have your student do some kind of structured prep work for any standardized test he or she is going to take.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>(Bonus) 4. Try and have some fun with the process.</p>
<p>My top three.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Love Thy Safety
Accept that you and your child will have to spend far more time identifying, investigating and visiting safeties than you will in choosing your dream schools. Believe that good safeties are out there and dont give up until you've found one (or even better two) that you all can live (sleep) with. If you the thought of attending the school gives you and / or your child the willies then it's not a true safety -- even if it's your state guaranteed admission college. </p></li>
<li><p>Help your child be an interesting person
Early on (at birth?) encourage your children to follow a passion. It doesn't matter what it is -- dinosaurs, France, oboe, tennis. They should concentrate on one or two activities or areas interest that they love and delve deep into them. Become really good, be the expert, spin off tangents. Be known as the person who ...</p></li>
<li><p>Present an interesting person
Assuming that your child has developed one or two sincere passions, then s/he must make sure that her/his application amplifies this loud and clear. How they like to spend their time should equal their expertise, should be reflected in their recommendations, should be enhanced by their summer pastimes, should be talked about in interviews, should be featured in essays, should be commended in awards. Show in writing that s/he is the person who. . . Doing it and packaging it so that the AdCom reader appreciates it are two different things.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Lisa, I'm confused. Elsewhere on the boards you talk about your son being at Dartmouth, not Princeton.</p>
<p>Learn Financial Aid speak especially what constitutes need.</p>
<p>Schools that state they will meet 100% of need will meet 100% of your DEMONSTRATED need. It is what the school believes you need not what you think you need.</p>
<p>Meeting 100% of need can mean giving you 100% LOANS</p>
<p>When calculating your EFC, the college does not care if you are maxed out on your credit cards, and just purchased a luxury car (boat, home). </p>
<p>Even if you have an EFC of "0", some schools will still have an expectation that you will pay something.</p>
<p>If you are getting merit/ athletic scholarships, understand what the continuance of these scholarships are based on.</p>
<p>I have a junior at Dartmouth, a freshman at Princeton and a daughter applying this year!</p>
<p>Lisa,</p>
<p>Congratulations on your children's accomplishments. I guess you will do your own dance of joy when you are finish this process :)</p>
<p>Yes, if I can only get my last 2 settled! Sybbie, is your daughter enjoying Dartmouth? Big transition for a NYC kid, but so LOVES it! We're hosting half his fraternity for a weekend next month. Watch out NY!</p>
<p>And about that dance of joy, we're about to have 3 in college, so the dance will have to be free!</p>
<p>blossom:
Very well said. It is so important to truly enjoy your kids as people, not just as "potential" this and that. I only have one bit of advice, and it's one that took me a while to figure out and I'm still working on it:</p>
<p>Give your kids a little rope with this process. It tells them how much you trust them and that you have CONFIDENCE in them. It also tells them that it is not the end of the world to you if something gets screwed up in the process, and it fosters a respect for you as a parent when your child sees that his/her life is (to a large extent) his/her responsibility, just like your life is your responsibilty.</p>
<p>Well, maybe one other thing - As a family we are savoring the days that my eldest is still home.</p>
<p>I would say: visit the schools. For instance, there is not much difference between Harvard and Yale and Georgetown in the rankings... all are prestigious lottery ticket schools, yet there are clear differences in the campuses upon visiting. You can't judge schools from the guidebooks, catalogues and Internet chat rooms alone. Visit before you apply, if possible. For sure visit them before you decide to accept or decline an offer of admission. Four years is a long time to feel out of place in a community.</p>
<p>How about listening to your child and his or her wants and desires? I just returned from visiting my son on Parents' Weekend, and I could not have found a happier kid on any college campus. He loves his school, his profs, his new city, his new friends, in short he loves everything about his choice -- even though it would not have been my #1 choice for him.</p>
<p>1) Already said, but can't be repeated too often - do the finances first, have an upfront, adult talk with your kids /parents about what you/they can and are willing to pay - absolute most important thing to prevent heartache.</p>
<p>2) Sophomore year is not at all too early to begin planning testing schedules, particularly if kids are heavily involved in ECs on weekends, or travel a lot (I wouldn't test in soph year, except an SATII if appropriate, but getting a test done early in junior year would have been a godsend). If you miss the PSAT, ill that day, there is a way to make-up (I thought the kid was out of luck)</p>
<p>3) Drag those late middle school siblings along on visits - they will complain mightily, but you might get some valuable insight into what they want, which will perhaps help with the process next time around.</p>
<p>Interesteddad et al---</p>
<p>Regarding not probing your high school senior about what their aptitude (and attitude) might be towards a certain career, I respectfully disagree & stand by my advice.</p>
<p>What's wrong with having a healthy dialogue with your kid about what they might be interested in? And I'll tell you something else--if you are hands-on with your child (as 99.9% of CC parents are) you probably have an idea anyway. My D is interested in the health sciences, which happens to be the same career path as my wife took, so I figure at least genetically that's a plus.</p>
<p>Here's the caveat, however. We've made sure that any school D has visited & is applying to is not only strong in the health sciences but also has many other options, health-related & not, that are available & feasible in case of a change in major.</p>
<p>jnm, in Europe all kids have some career focus before applying to college. Colleges there are preparing kids for a career. Yet in the States the notion of intellectual exploration and not buckling down until later prevails. This has always fascinated me.</p>
<p>My niece in France thought thoughout high school that she was destined to be a pediatrician. She took the med school exam (after a two year mandatory prep course, starting after the baccalaureat ) twice and flunked twice; she had to redirect her plans. Today, she is a successful lawyer, but her two years of premed preparations went down the drain. Another niece also sat the exam for Science Politique and did not make it twice. Again, two years wasted. This is very common. You change majors, you have to start again at square one, whether the major is a pre-professional one or a humanities one. I prefer the American system.</p>
<p>I wouldnt say that any education is wasted.
a friend who has physics and chem in the family ( father is probably going to be nominated for a Noble soon) was a physics major at midwestern LAC, just changed his major to music after 2 years.
Meanwhile my daughter is still plugging away at her biology degree, but senior year of high school she was interested in commercial design.</p>
<p>When my boss heard that his nephew was majoring in art history in college, his response was, "What's he going to do when he graduates? Open up an art history store?"</p>
<p>A bit simplistic to be sure, but I think in the discussion with your kid about possible career paths, a dose of reality about potential job markets should also be a part of it.</p>
<p>hey; I backed into my art history major in my effort to return to Italy to study junior year and couldn't have picked a better one. I have had a wonderful career, although not like classmate who is head of MOMA!</p>