I got accepted to UW-Madison for next fall and my whole family is excited for me. However, for the past 7 years my mom has had cancer and has been fighting it but it’s stage four cancer and with chemo will make it only a few more years and without chemo (which is what my family is leaning towards) she probably will pass middle of next year. I want to be there for her to take care of her with my dad and my sister (who will be a senior in high school next year) but I’ll be in Madison which is about 3 hours away from where I live. Are colleges generally allowing of students taking off a semester or two to care for family? And if they are, what if it’s my first year? Obviously I want to be there for my mom but I don’t want to end up like Ethan Frome and just stop trying to get an education. Any suggestions on something like this or thoughts on what Madison would do?
I'm a senior in high school and I got accepted to my top school for next fall but my mom has cancer.
**sidenote: I wasn’t sure which forum to put this in so this one seemed most appropriate -OP
Yes, colleges do allow time off and it can be your first year. Just contact the school and talk with them. It is not unusual to defer for one year. Some students take a gap year after being accepted-by deferring entry for a year. And your situation is particularly compelling. I am sorry to hear about your mother and wish you and your family the best.
So sorry that your family is facing this challenge and all the anxiety that goes with facing the potential loss of your mother. You have several months before college starts so you have time to make decisions. Like @lostaccount stated, you can take a “gap” year to take care of your family if necessary. You will know more by summer what is going on for your mother. You will simply delay enrollment for a year and take care of your family responsibilities. Your school probably has a procedure for setting this up. You remain an admitted student and just start a year later. You can probably get in touch with your school and find out what the process is. If you enroll by May 1, but then decide to defer because your family situation changes, you will only likely lose your enrollment deposit.
I’m sorry to hear about your mother. I truly hope for the best for your family
UW Madison website has this page dedicated to Freshman Deferred Enrollment: https://www.admissions.wisc.edu/admitted/deferredenrollment/. Look it over but do note that there is a May 1st deadline to request deferred enrollment.
I respect and really appreciate your desire to be with your mother and assist she and your family! But, I would be quite surprised if she did not want you to go to school, if she does, honor her wishes. Seeing you flourish at school would be a gift you could give to her. Seeing our children happy and on the path to fulfill their dreams is what we as parents want over all else.
While it will be hard for you not to actually be there with her, your being at school may be what fills her heart and brings her peace.
Two weeks before I started graduate school, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and had a very short life expectancy. The school I was to attend was 3+ hours away by car. She insisted that I matriculate, not hover and put my plans on hold until she passed. She said that would only hasten her death.
I drove home nearly every weekend. I ended up visiting her more than one of my sisters did, who lived an hour away. She survived over two years longer than the doctors predicted.
I’m not telling you what to do, as everybody’s experience is different. Just some food for thought. If you haven’t done so already, sit down and have an honest talk with you mom. She might want you to go to Madison or she might prefer that you stay closer to home. I would also call UW and explain your situation and ask what options you have and it if would have any effect on your financial aid. Then you can make a more informed decision.
If the end truly is near, a deferment of a semester or a year should be negotiable.
I am very sorry for your situation - from somebody who has been there. Hugs to you!
My mom just passed away, and I am glad I was able to spend a lot of time with her near the end (she was in hospice). Tell your mom (and other relatives) that Madison will still be there and allows a gap year, and that you want to be with her (if that is how you feel). I don’t think you will be sorry in the long run if you do this.
You already got accepted so the opportunity to go to school this fall or delay a year is up to you, and fortunately you don’t have to decide today, there are several months before school starts. It is great, however, that you are being responsible and asking what your options are. Prayers to your family.
I don’t want to push any decision on you, but as someone who recently lost their dad to cancer and still went to college despite knowing there wasn’t much time left, I would’ve loved to have spent the last few months with my dad. I “honored my dad’s wishes” and I’m paying the price right now, a lot of guilt and sadness. To be honest, if you can defer the year I would go for it. I know I wish I did that.
Advice for the next few months: cherish every moment and say I love you as much as you can.
Talk to your family. It may be that your mother has been working with you to get you ready for college and would lik e nothing more for you to go to college. It may be that they have made the decision about chemo…if it is yes, then consider going to school. If it is no, then consider a deferral/gap year.
no real advice, but best wishes to you. deferments and semester leaves happen often if you choose those. i believe they are both real possibilities depending on what your college says
Also contact the University and talk to them (Dean of Students) about options that they have.
If you take a gap year, then you will enter with other freshman…i would suggest going through freshman orientation in the fall over trying to start in January.
may I strongly suggest that you defer your first year of college for a year? I’m sure UW Madison would understand adn approve that request. that way you can be with your family for another year.
OP, sending you many hugs and best wishes for your family. What a mature and caring young person you are! I am sure your parents are very proud.
It is difficult to judge the situation but I think you have heard from many posters that clear, ongoing and honest communication with your parents is very important. It sounds like you will take a deferral or a break at some point, it’s just a question of when.
Discussing this with Madison is the other important piece. Getting clear info about when it is too late to withdraw / tuition refunds / etc as well as any other information will help you to be prepared.
All the best to you. Please come back and keep us posted.
I wish your mom and yourself + family the best wishes OP. Whatever you decide to do, I am sure it was the best ! Don’t regret anything!
As a parent, I can tell you I would insist my child move on with their life. Would miss them but feel terrible if I held them back. Once you have kids, almost every decision revolves around what is best for them. Nothing makes me happier than to see my kids succeed.
Most schools have well defined procedures in place for a students taking a semester/years leave. There is a catch though. You must follow their procedures. If you decide to go to college, I would make sure you understand what those procedures are and who you need to talk before anything happens. If you feel that you need to leave at the middle of the semester, schools have a procedure for withdrawing or taking incompletes. There will likely be an issue with the financial aid.
My nephew went through this with my brother (his father). At the time, my brother felt strongly that he continue his education. He did pass away when his son was a student. The college bent over backwards to support him. His professors did everything possible to help. Every school is different but schools deal with these issues all the time.
Whatever you decide, you are likely to feel conflicted. Please seek help dealing with this. Most schools will have a counseling staff that can help you work through this. Do not hesitate to ask for help. This is what they are there for.