I'm annoyed by my roommate...But why?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Ayo. So, I'm currently a college freshman and, so far, everything has been going pretty well. I have my bouts of homesickness, but I've made friends, enjoy my classes, and have been having a lot of fun. Here's the catch: I don't like my roommate but I don't know why.</p>

<p>A little background: </p>

<p>My roommate is international so, during orientation week, she was off doing international orientation and we didn't really spend too much time together or bond. After that the norm sort of became us always being cordial, exchanging pleasantries, but never having serious talks. </p>

<p>She's not mean, she steals apples from the dining hall for me and I bring her juice when she's sick but she just annoys me for no reason. </p>

<p>I don't let it show, but I don't get why I'm so annoyed. I'm annoyed that when she comes into the room in the morning. I get annoyed when she makes noise. I think my problem may have more to do with me not being used to sharing a room but I get annoyed with her outside the room too. I try to be inclusive, if the floor is going to dinner or a movie, I make sure to invite her. But I find myself irritated with her if she comes - mostly because I tend to feel like I'm babysitting. She's had lots of opportunities to get to know people better and, at this point, I don't like having to baby her. Her English is perfect, by the way.</p>

<p>Anyway, she has friends, but lately I've been picking up signs that she'd like to spend more time with me and the people I hang out with. She drops hints, she asks me what I'm doing a lot, etc. </p>

<p>I don't want to be mean. But we spend so much time together in the room that spending more time together outside the room seems like it would only exacerbate my issues. Not to mention, my friends and I drink and I know she doesn't like that stuff so I'd feel weird inviting her to some places even if we were friends. I do invite her every now and then, but it usually is kind of awkward.</p>

<p>Is this normal? Does anyone else feel kind of put off by their roommate even if there are no big issues? We're both pretty considerate roommates and I know she likes me. I hope I'm not crazy for feeling this way.</p>

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<p>Roommates take time to get used to, and even once you get used to them, they won’t necessarily become your best friends.</p>

<p>However, based on this post, it appears that you haven’t put in much of an effort to connect with her. Ask her to lunch or dinner with you one of these days. Perhaps things will become better once you know her better.</p>

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<p>Have you ever had to share a room with anyone for an extended period of time before? If not, that is REALLY hard to get used to.</p>

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<p>I think your main annoyances come from just sharing a room, not necessarily from her. But it’s fine and normal to be annoyed at least a little by someone you see so often. I think most pairs of roommates get at least a little annoyed with each other. It’s hard to make the adjustment, that’s for sure. I hated both of my roommates, but only one did actual annoying things. The other was fine and considerate (though we never spoke) but I just disliked sharing a room in general.</p>

<p>I’d say make one solid effort to really get to know her (dinner, whatever) if you haven’t already, and let her hang out with you occasionally if she seems to really want to.</p>

<p>However, if you don’t like hanging out with her (for whatever reason), then you don’t have to. You don’t have to invite or being her anywhere. She has her own friends, leave her to them if that’s what you want to do. You guys don’t have to be close or even friends at all.</p>

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<p>maybe you unknowingly harbour some racial prejudices</p>

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<p>Thanks for the responses guys!</p>

<p>@excelblue It’s true I haven’t made too much of an effort to get to know her. We have plans to go shopping in Chinatown after Thanksgiving so hopefully that’ll be the bridge we need to connect.</p>

<p>@vlines I’ve never shared a room. I went to sleepaway camp for a few summers but that’s different obviously haha.</p>

<p>@RoxSox I don’t mind hanging out with her always. But I sometimes feel like I’m babysitting because she doesn’t really talk or engage other people if I don’t make a conscious effort to bring her out. It gets tiring at times.</p>

<p>@rymd She’s from the same country as my mother’s family and I’m pretty involved in similar cultural aspects as my roommate. I don’t think that’s it. I’m not annoyed at her because of anything she does that relates to her being international.</p>

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<p>I feel with you JLR. My roommates and I get along fine, it’s just I get annoyed at whatever they do. I think it has to do with the close space that we live in, and you always have activity with the person. While my situation is where we have our separate rooms within the whole space, I still feel annoyed at whenever he comes in and turns on his music loudly, then proceeds to play Modern Warfare for ten straight hours (literally.)</p>

<p>Anyways, you might need to spend time without her for a bit, I think. I believe this weekend is Thanksgiving, and soon after that is Winter Break, so you can enjoy a week or more off from school and seeing her. Have a good time with your family if you’re going home, and try to keep your mind off this kind of stuff. The annoyances can really start rolling fast, and might cause you to go off on her. </p>

<p>Just my thoughts on this.</p>

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<p>I guess my issue is that I don’t really want to spend more time with her, she annoys me. But, I understand that might actually allow us to connect or even be friends.</p>

<p>@GoingWithTheTide I am looking forward to some time apart haha. That will be great.</p>

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<p>Living in the same room as someone else is pretty much always going to be annoying. Be glad they aren’t doing hits of cocaine off of their desk and bringing people home from parties when they think you’re asleep.</p>

10

<p>She’s clingy and you feel you have to be responsible for her and resent it.
So talk to her and be honest that next year you are going to room with someone else and maybe that will give the jump start to make more friends.</p>