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<p>I have been to UA. I do know the culture there. And I’m a licensed psychologist. Please refrain from offering uniformed psychological evaluations of persons participating on this forum. It’s unhelpful at best and potentially destructive.</p>
<p>azalaea, I do not find that you vilified anyone. Please ignore the barb. You have a lot of support here.</p>
<p>I have been reading this thread as a concerned parent of a future student, and with great concern and compassion for OP.</p>
<p>It seems that Mallet Assembly is fairly controversial and the discussion has deteriorated a bit once it was mentioned in this thread. </p>
<p>Azalaea, you mentioned your decision to go to some events this week/last week. Just wondered how things went. Did you feel it worthwhile to attend/ were there potential “azalaea tribe” members there?</p>
<p>Azalea - don’t feed the trolls- than they never go away. Go eat cake instead :-)</p>
<p>Malanai, here are the words that the OP uses:</p>
<p>“having meltdowns”
“complete failure”
“EXTREMELY lonely”
“isolated from the world”
“Miserable”</p>
<p>I’m a scientist and not a psychologist, but based on this language, do you really think I was out of line suggesting that she speak to a counselor? If I was her parent, I would be very concerned about her well-being.</p>
<p>She said that she may be over dramatic and this could be hyperbole, but I think that you need to take her words seriously.</p>
<p>Since you say you know the culture, can you please describe it?</p>
<p>We’re all concerned about azalea’s well being. That’s why this community has responded compassionately. </p>
<p>There are effective and ineffective ways to recommend counseling to an individual who is hurting. Publicly telling a young person, “Hey, sorry you’re hurting but you vilify a targeted group of people, I’m suspicious about the veracity of what you’re reporting, I think there’s something wrong with you, go see a counselor,” is both ineffective (look at the response it evoked) and out of line.</p>
<p>In the first place, azalea does not “need to vilify” Christian conservatives. She made it abundantly clear that she is struggling with her faith, yet has remained open to attending church, exploring religion, and questioning her position. Furthermore, she didn’t say she was being treated like garbage “just because of her liberal views.” She said she was being treated that way because of her political views, her religious views, and her taste in music. The culture at UA is diverse, and includes students who would reject others in the fashion described by azalea, just as the culture at my alma mater, Cal Berkeley, includes liberal atheists who treat conservative Christians who listen to country music poorly. </p>
<p>I am impressed with azalea’s efforts to identify her issues, reach out in the fashion she has, and take active steps to remedy her situation. It’s a highly personal thing to recommend to someone that they need counseling or therapy. If anyone on this forum feels moved to do so, please do it via private message, with compassion, sans negative judgment.</p>
<p>Azalea…</p>
<p>Have you made contact with any of the groups that have been suggested. I liked the idea of meeting with the College Dems who had watched the debate together.</p>
<p>Also, are you the type that would enjoy community service projects like Habitat for Humanity or some of the Rebuild Tuscaloosa projects (because of the tornado)? I’m sure you’d meet some very nice people. </p>
<p>Also…what about Rec Center activities? do you bike-ride? hike? or do anything like that? The rec center organizes weekend biking, hiking, etc activities. Surely you’d meet some nice folks there.</p>
<p>or, any of the exercise classes at the rec center??? I’ve always met nice people at aerobic, step or whatever classes.</p>
<p><a href=“http://urec.ua.edu/fitness_groupexercise.cfm[/url]”>http://urec.ua.edu/fitness_groupexercise.cfm</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://urec.ua.edu/ornews.cfm[/url]”>http://urec.ua.edu/ornews.cfm</a></p>
<p>Malanai, her comments play to the worst stereotypes of Alabama: Redneck, right-wing, intolerant bible thumpers who can’t interact with those with opposing views with civility. I don’t think that’s a fair characterization, so I challenged it.</p>
<p>It’s one thing to say that you feel like you aren’t fitting and another to say that a particular group treats you “like garbage”. That’s hardly complementary and frankly, painting with such a broad brush is offensive.</p>
<p>I didn’t realize that there was such a stigma about talking out your problems with a professional. I’ve learned something.</p>
<p>Azalea: I am sorry for the sense of isolation you are feeling right now. I’m going to take a little of what riprorin has suggested and try to phrase it to you in a different way. Your statements and feelings remind me much of my son, currently in high school. He is struggling with diagnosed depression, and like you he is a bright kid with many of the same political beliefs and faith based struggles. He is in counseling, because of the depression obviously, but also because his depression caused him to develop some negative impressions of the ways that his peers were reacting to him. Because he was struggling with how he felt about himself, he assumed others had negative opinions of him as well. And quite honestly, often his perceptions are wrong. His therapist is using something called Dialectal Behavior Therapy – basically this means learning that there can be more than one truth and how to assimilate your preceptions and the perceptions of others to get to a better place of understanding. Blatant racism or prejudice is wrong, and you are right to consider yourself better off without those people in your life. But open discussion of differing beliefs is healthy, and helps us to broaden our own views of the world around us. Sometimes having an impartial listener to ask you questions and help you reflect is a real necessity. I’ve learned I’m not impartial enough to help him right now, because I’m too wrapped up with him emotionally. Continue to pursue multiple avenues to involvement and friendship at Alabama, but do think carefully about whether a counselor can help you to some insights that you might not discover on your own. Just food for thought from a mom watching her son go through a very similar journey – I think on the other side of it you will both be stronger and more compassionate adults. But never feel bad about needing some help on that journey.</p>
<p>I live in a very small, rural, conservative, Christian town where I raised my son.</p>
<p>When he was still a pre-teen, he announced to classmates that he was an atheist. I KNOW from watching the struggles of my son that there are definitely those who will mock, bully, and insult others just because they have different beliefs. The low point for me was when my adolescent son came home nearly in tears asking, “Why are Christians so judgemental?”</p>
<p>He never had anything against them or their beliefs. In fact, his girlfriend of over a year is a minister’s daughter who is involved in her family’s church and has said that she intends to attend a Christian college. She and her family are aware of my son’s beliefs and although they may not agree with them, they respect them and his right to have them. I wish everyone could be that accepting, but unfortuately it is not the case.</p>
<p>First, I’d like to say I hope every student who chooses to attend The University of Alabama finds their place and feels at home on campus.</p>
<p>Although I know this will not sit well with some, I must add that I think we all must be careful not to stereotype others. I think most of us realize we each have our own personal beliefs when it comes to religion, politics, abortion, and other sensitive issues. Each of us also has our own beliefs, perspectives, and attitude toward those who are different from ourselves based on race, ethnicity, Greek or non-Greek, obese or fit, and so on. Heck, I even have a favorite color M & M and although they are often different colors, shapes, and sizes in the same package, they are all uniquely different yet equally delicious on the inside.</p>
<p>What I’d like to say is this…I don’t think anyone has the right to apply a stereotype to any group of people here or to launch personal insults against anyone. This is a public forum with the primary purpose of providing guidance and insight about The University of Alabama…that’s it. I’m a Christian. I am conservative. I generally vote Republican. I was born and raised in Tuscaloosa and have lived in the south my entire life. I find that discussing religion, politics, or my children’s academic success usually isn’t a good idea no matter where I find myself. I am thankful for those who fought and paid the price for such a great country where each of us is free to make these choices, but I often find it is best to leave those discussions for the dinner table or for those rare times when everyone in the room understands that we may simply disagree without insulting each other.</p>
<p>Religion is a very personal decision. Even those who consider themselves Christian do not always share the same beliefs. This has been proven again and again on these threads and leads to the moderator deleting the thread.</p>
<p>It’s fine to have friends with similar interests and beliefs and friends with different interests and beliefs. To be successful with the latter doesn’t require acceptance of the other person’s beliefs, but it does require mutual respect.</p>
<p>Carry on with the discussion if you like, but I’d like to point out that any time generalizations or stereotypes are applied to a certain group, religious, political, racial, or other, the result will be inflammatory so please avoid doing so.</p>
<p>Roll Tide!:)</p>
<p>Hi, Azalea! </p>
<p>My sophomore son is sort of libertarian (who the heck knows? – it changes daily), but he loves hanging out with liberals; his favorite female friends are liberal. Far from being prejudiced against liberals, he loves 'em. If you’d like to get in touch with him, please PM me. He’s very gregarious and always open to making new friends. 
He’s also thinking of going to law school. He’s a history and classics major and definitely NOT Greek.</p>
<p>I think that it’s possible to find common ground with anyone you meet. Conversely, it’s possible to find fault with anyone you meet. At the end of the day, it’s up to you decide how you want to interact with others.</p>
<p>I’m not familiar with Mallet, but my college had a dorm for people who were “different” and didn’t fit in. I think most colleges have them. At the end of the day, you’ll have to learn to function in the mainstream. It’s probably better to learn how to cope now rather than isolating yourself in an artificial environment.</p>
<p>Just my opinion.</p>
<p>this is azalea’s mom and i just want to thank everyone (even the person that reported my daughter as being inflammatory) for all your comments and guidance. i opened my email and realized that my daughter had gotten on college confidential to obtain some assistance from people in the know and i’m glad that she did. </p>
<p>as we all know, sometimes it is hard for freshmen, especially those who have never been subjected to the public school setting, to find their place in the world. i have encouraged my daughter to seek this out on her own without any bias from myself and i am proud of her for having the courage to do so. </p>
<p>although i am aware of some of the circumstances that she describes i, of course, was not there to witness this myself. i can say though that it’s not what a person says or does that matters but rather how they make people FEEL. when people are not respectful of others opinions it never ends well. my advice to her is to consider the source and listen if she thinks what is said is not said out of malice. if it is, then just move on. this would be much easier with a support group of some sort but not easy if you are a freshman with no people to identify with. that is an incredibly lonely feeling.</p>
<p>on a positive note, my daughter did take suggestions and attended some mallet parties this weekend and attended the UA Dems vice presidential debate viewing party - all on her own which is very brave in my opinion. she has met alot of nice people that she is able to relate to and regardless of whether they agree with what she thinks or says, they are respectful to her and value her input without being insulting. </p>
<p>thank you for being so supportive. one thing is for sure, after reading comments i know she may have felt angry or irritated, but not ALONE - and that i believe was the purpose in this exercise.</p>
<p>You have a special girl there who instead of going mainstream she is willing to think outside the box. Bravo</p>
<p>This is a bizarre thread that I regret participating in. If the OP feels more comfortable at Mallet (whatever Mallet is), she should go to Mallet.</p>
<p>Case closed.</p>
<p>For anyone who doesn’t know what Mallet is and wants to know: [About</a> Us | The Mallet Assembly](<a href=“The Mallet Assembly”>The Mallet Assembly)</p>
<p>I’m glad to hear that Azalea followed the advice here to “meet up” with the College Dems and watch the debate and to pursue her interest in Mallet Assembly.</p>
<p>Bama is a big school with lots of different people there. In reality, most people go thru college with about 4-10 good friends and a larger number of “classmate aquaintances”…not 25,000 good friends. </p>
<p>She’s off to a good start now, and as she takes more classes (especially those within her major), she’ll add to her social circle.</p>
<p>I think a lot of what we are hearing here from Azelea’s daughter is typical growing pains…she is trying to locate a group of like minded individuals as her “go to” group, but is also experiencing some reactions to individuals/groups she is unaccustomed to. As her college experience continues she will change, grow, adapt and mature. She will find her own individual path and that is the way to go. </p>
<p>Sometimes, when we (posters) answer on these forums, we forget how young (age/maturity) these students are, we need to remember “back when”, so we can relate on their level.</p>
<p>Here’s another “meet” opportunity. This is for students to meet teachers, but there will probably be some student interaction, too. [University</a> of Alabama News First Year Experience Offers Out 2 Lunch Program for UA Students](<a href=“http://uanews.ua.edu/2012/10/first-year-experience-offers-out-2-lunch-program-for-ua-students/]University”>http://uanews.ua.edu/2012/10/first-year-experience-offers-out-2-lunch-program-for-ua-students/)</p>
<p>beth’s mom, thanks for the link on Mallet.</p>
<p>The group appear to take great pride in staging a lynching during homecoming.</p>
<p>As a Constitutional conservative I defend their right to free speech, but I fail to see the value in this demonstration. It seems like a pathetic cry for attention.</p>