<p>Actually, some kids really are happy to have the responsibility and the freedom and sense of independence that goes along with the fixed allowance (or even the withdrawal of an allowance entirely). </p>
<p>One huge advantage is NOT having to account to the parents for “luxury” expenses, such as eating out rather than cooking. The money, whatever sum it is, belongs to the kid, to prioritize however he or she wants.</p>
<p>I say decide what you are giving her, then leave her alone. If she overspends, she has to dig into her own $$, if she budgets and comes out ahead, she has learned a valuable lesson. </p>
<p>FWIW, I don’t give my college S’ any $$ beyond actual college costs. If she can’t work her schedule around the MIT meal plan, dining options, whatever MIT calls it, that is her problem not yours. S2 is on smallest meal plan at his school and spends own $$ for anything he eats/buys outside of the dining hall. He knew that going in, and is very frugal w/his money. He wouldn’t be so frugal if I gave him spending $$.</p>
<p>I don’t think POIH wants his D to be frugal or to experience any bump in the road. I don’t get the feeling that he wants to impose a budget on her and require her to live within its limits.
He’s basically asking us if $750 is really enough; if not, he is ready to increase the amount so that she does not have to dip into her savings.</p>
<p>^ He started the thread saying he wanted to talk to D about expenses and has spent the last 15 pages saying he doesn’t want to do this. So I am at a loss as to what to suggest.</p>
<p>wow this is a great thread. It is making me think a lot about parenting. POIH- clearly your daughter is a successful human being. She earned money in high school, won prizes for math awards, and got into MIT. You must be very proud.</p>
<p>Also clearly you are really well to do. What a blessing. It sounds like you are generous with your child, and she is having a good time in college. It also sounds like money really isnt a need based issue for you. You have enough to live like a rich person and for her to continue to live like a rich person through out her college experience. 750 for incidentals and food is a lot of money for a young person. </p>
<p>This is all making me think about my parenting skills with regard to money. My son is a high school senior. When I was in college I had what seemed like relatively unlimited funds available to me, because I got to go to school for free and my parents were somewhat generous with the spending money. I dont remember what the amount was (many years ago) but I got to eat out at least once a week, and took my roomate because she was really poor. But here is what I most remember about it. I felt really lucky that I didnt have the money stress, and shared what I had. But it was very modest, there wasnt any kind of weekend entertainment overspending or that kind of thing. Mostly because while I was comfortably middle class, my friends were quite poor, and since I hung with them, I did modest things too. I guess what I am saying is that I learned from living modestly how to appreciate simple pleasures, like getting a pizza or going out dancing. </p>
<p>We are financially much better off than our parents. That is especially true for my husband. </p>
<p>I realized that my son had no sense about money a long time ago, because he hasnt really had to. If I gave him 10 dollars for a movie, he would buy his 5 dollar ticket, and then he had 5 dollars and wanted popcorn and would buy the outrageously priced popcorn in the theatre because he had the money. I expected him to naturally understand that its stupid to spend 5 bucks on popcorn, but he didnt understand that because he never saw us have to scrimp for anything. But see I think it is all relative. To me it was outrageous that he wouldnt understand that 5 dollars was too much to spend on popcorn. For you maybe its that you are worried that she wont understand $750 a month is too much? But if you are rich, and she is smart and you want her to have nice things and a fun time is it really a problem? What we do with our son is make him spend his baby sitting money on recreation. He doesnt buy popcorn in the movies now that he understands that time is money. Every once in a while if he buys a meal out we will give him the money for it, because we arent good about cooking at home, and figure we would spend the money on food anyway.</p>
<p>Kids are influenced by their peers much more than their parents. If she is hanging out with big spenders, she will be spendy, because she has the means to do so. Also, if she is really used to nice meals out, she may be treating her friends who dont have the money.</p>
<p>She wont naturally budget, because who does that? If I had unlimited resources I would probably live much more luxurously then I do now. Its nice to go for meals, and buy new clothes and so on.</p>
<p>Are you worried that you are spoiling her?</p>
<p>To sum up this thread:</p>
<p>$750 a month is very generous and will take care of her needs, especially as she has some savings of her own.</p>
<p>It’s not unreasonable to expect her to do some of her own food preparation, as it’s healthier and cheaper than eating out all the time. If she lives with you this summer, perhaps she could start working on her food preparation skills. </p>
<p>Since you don’t really want to be in the middle of her budgeting decisions, I would recommend that for next year you give her $6,750 up front (9 months allowance) and tell her that it’s her allowance for the school year. Then don’t look at her account balance, cc bill, etc. Her money, her problem. If she really runs into difficulties she will let you know. People learn by making mistakes.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone, I think we’ve gone thru many roads and its now time to end the thread.</p>
<p>I had second thoughts about my adding to DD checking account as and when it drops below an amount. Also I wanted to know what might be a comfortable amount for a student living in Boston as the figure I had in the beginning of 1st semester never reached.</p>
<p>What I took from all the responses are the following:
<p>Once again thanking everyone for the input.</p>
<p>Wow, MarinMom, I don’t know many people who could give their children $6,750 up front for expenses during the school year.</p>
<p>POIH - I think you got what you want out of this thread. The way you do research is quite interesting.</p>
<p>Does one get to declare a thread over?? Others may find this discussion helpful in understanding how to address financial matters with their own children, and should be welcome to continue to discuss their thoughts and experiences. </p>
<p>And interesting “summary” item #2.
I think you are recognizing, POIH, that this is your issue, not your daus. The struggle to let go, to allow your dau to grow up and not need to be dependent on you is yours, not hers. Please, let her grow up, but guide her in making wise financial decisions. You have the opportunity to teach her this. Take it and use it. Don’t inadvertently foster her dependence on you. Let her spread her wings and fly, even if she falls a time or two, that is also how she will learn.</p>
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<p>I think that’s the crux of it. She’s your princess! (said nicely) She’s been a fabulous daughter, worked her butt off, got into a creme de la creme school, is nice and warm and wonderful to you and your W – you don’t want to see her have to scrimp in any way, and your heart would break if you thought she had to decide between two things, knowing that you yourself have worked so hard to give her a nice life! I get it, I really do … I grew up in a family like that. But it doesn’t do her any favors. You can still give her a more than generous amount but have the line be drawn somewhere. And $750 is as good of a line as any.</p>
<p>I agree, Quantmech, I don’t know a lot who could either. We don’t give our kids any allowance at all. But it appears that POIH can, and doing it annually (or by semester) gives his D the most opportunity to manage her own money. But depositing it on a monthly basis works too. IMHO the most important aspect of this is not necessarily how much or when, but that there be a consistent amount which is hers to use, save, or squander as she sees fit - and that the consequences be hers as well!</p>
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<p>As in you don’t know people who have the $6750 lump sum ready to deposit? Or you don’t know people who would trust their child with this lump sum? Or you don’t know children who could be trusted with this lump sum?</p>
<p>We’ve been giving our daughter her COA lump sum, which covers tuition, room, board, and expenses, in one lump sum at the beginning of the year every year. It comes from the educational account set up for her. She seems to do well, depositing most into a savings account, moving it over as she needs it. It’s worked for the last three years. Why would you think it wouldn’t work?</p>
<p>UCDAlum82, I meant just the first option, having $6750 ready up front for expenses, on top of tuition and board–since I’d guess that the majority of people wind up taking out loans to pay for at least part of college costs, particularly at schools like MIT. Maybe I didn’t take full account of the fact that the money is to cover food expenses, so the family is not paying for “room and board” each year.</p>
<p>There should be a “toddler confidential” component of this board, devoted entirely to setting up educational accounts!</p>
<p>I’m checking in kind of late here, but when I was at MIT, I spent $200 a month on food. I generally cooked for myself for dinner, but I ate breakfast and lunch on campus and had an ordered or restaurant meal with friends about once a week. </p>
<p>Anything that I bought above and beyond what was on TechCash was my responsibility, and was paid for by my UROP earnings. I graduated with a nice nest egg.</p>
<p>Actually POIH this could be a nice way of helping her build her nest egg. Instead of just giving her money on the fly as needed, it becomes “We will give you $750 / month. Whatever you don’t spend - you keep.” Wouldn’t that be great if she chose to keep expenses to (say) $450 a month and banked / invested the $300? It’s a win win for everyone.</p>
<p>PizzaGirl: Thanx, that is what I was thinking and instead of putting $750 into DD checking, I’ll be adding $500 to checking and $250 to her saving account.
Since DD’s UROP money goes to her saving account, she will have that growing if she is able to budget herself within $500 or a bit more.</p>
<p>PG- thats exactly what we do with our kids. We put the monthly allowance in their INGdirect savings account each month, and they take out what they need as they need it, and the rest earns interest. I would be hesitant to put the entire year’s money in that account up front, as I prefer to model the way I “pay” my s with the way employers do (thought I pay once a month, not twice).aid, when I had student loans as a grad student, they paid the loan in one chunk up front, and I deposited the check in a money market account and pulled it out as I needed it. Back in those days, interest rates were outrageously high (in the teens) and I mad a nice little intereste onthe loan money, pulling it as sparingly as I could and waiting as long as I could. I recall saving up $67 from my grad school traineeship $$ to buy a vacuum cleaner. It meant a lot to me as I had to save up to get it.</p>
<p>We gave our son at MIT the estimated room and board up front. He cooks and it seems he spends less on food than MollieB (I pat myself on the back for teaching him to make bread from scratch before he left home). I don’t look at his bank account, but my husband checks it about once a month.</p>
<p>Since he already had several thousand saved from working in high school, and got scholarships in the few thousands range, he has a nice cushion. Sure he could go out and blow it, but I don’t think that will happen.</p>
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Good idea, but why don’t you let HER decide how to allocate it? Assuming she’s got direct access to both accounts, you could deposit it all in one or the other and she can move things around as needed. If it is easy for her to transfer funds from one account to another, and there are not too many restrictions on savings transfers and withdrawals, I’d suggest depositing the whole amount in the savings account – she would probably be inclined to transfer only what she needed for the short term into her checking account.</p>
<p>If YOU are deciding how to split the money, then YOU are maintaining control – and there is no experiential learning that takes place on her end. I kind of think that internally, that’s your goal – you aren’t ready to cede control - but I honestly think any kid smart enough to get into MIT ought to be able to manage the balance of their own checking account. The math is a whole lot easier – even my math-challenged daughter can add and subtract.</p>