I'm so Confused

College Essays
1

<p>So here is my greatly awful uc personal statement. I really ambad about talking about myself and I need help. Please if anyone can help with feedback, Ill be so grateful Thanks.
This is prompt one by the way.</p>

<p>I was never the “busy bee” in my home. My mom wasn’t’ labeled a “soccer mom” either. In my words, I would describe my home as a laidback private beach with the occasional tsunami. My home is like a cultural, diverse paradise. I have the palm to the west of my house, and the sand to the east. It lovely knew that when I got home, everything bad tends to disappear. It was amazing. My mother is unemployed, with no transportation, so my home is my library, my greenhouse, my embassy, and my art room all at once.
I’m surrounded by a blur of bright colors. I have green mixed with brown; white mixed with coral. Whenever I’ m asked to go to a museum, I always say “why go to a museum, when you have a beautiful picture right in front of you for free?” I have different types of exotic plants about 10 feet from my house. It’s my job to make sure they grow to new heights. My home gives me knowledge and awareness. I’m aware that if I step outside, I’m probably going to step on a thorn. I learn that if I take something from my mom without permission, I’ll be scrubbing floors until my hands to crusty and unattractive. I didn’t need to go outside my.5 acres, I got all my extracurricular and volunteer activities right here
People say that role model teaches them the greatest lessons but I contradict that. My yard and my bookshelf teach me the greatest lessons. My yard teaches me that you have to keep up, if you want something to succeed, and bookshelf taught me that free spirited people are not, indeed crazy. If I want to say I’m from Krypton that’s o.k. If I want to have Darth Vader as a role model that’s okay to. My home never tells me I’m right or wrong; that I’m stupid or smart, that my ideas are insanely bizarre. My home accepts me for who I am, and that I could be as creative as I want.
, I have always been an erudite type of person. I want to know everything and anything. I don’t settle for I don’t know, It’s either you give me an answer or I throw you into the nearest abyss. I have lots of beautiful stories just 5 feet away from me that I can tell through moving pictures. This has inspired me to become a filmmaker, so unique stories can be told. My parents never told me that I had to be a doctor or the next Bill Gates, that I can be whatever I want and it would be alright them. Making videos with my family is almost as natural as breathing for me. I can be fun. I can be creative, but when it comes down to telling stories, I get serious, with a hint of inspiration. It’s just all about how you choose to live life.</p>

2

<p>A) get rid of the negative statements. “I was never”, “my mom wasn’t”, “I contradict that”
B) Focus less on describing your word and more on how it influenced you and the stuff you are looking forward in the future.</p>

3

<p>I agree with bomerr, be less negative. I think the second paragraph gives me the idea that youre antisocial, which isnt great for major colleges. You sound like you want to stay home forever. Maybe say that the lessons you learn at home are different from the lessons you learn outside, though both are important.</p>

4

<p>Omg my teachers AND some lady always tell me I put tomany negative things in my writing and videos! Idk i guess Im so use to negative things that it comes natural to me. I’m trying to overcome that though. Thanks for the advice! Im probably going to rewrite this in something totally different.</p>

5

<p>This was just a warm up I just needed to get something on paper. I have a better ideas. Thanks fprthe advice though.</p>