i'm so stressed

oh god-I don’t know where to start. I feel like crying all the time. Everything is falling apart, and I’m only a freshman. I’m involved in a number of extracurriculars and I KNOW this sounds dumb and entitled, but having leadership positions in most of the clubs I am in (science bowl and debate) is just an enormous amount of pressure and I truly can’t deal with it. I put so much pressure on myself to be the best at everything, which is clearly impossible. I live in a highly competitive area, so the stress of getting to a good college is just so overwhelming. I just feel like with every accomplishment I earn, I’m never happy. My worst fear is that I’m doing all this work to go to a great school and then when and if I get in, I still won’t be happy. Help please.

I’m sorry you feel this way. Not everything you spend time doing in high school should be for the sole reason of getting admitted to a prestigious university. When you look back at high school, you don’t want it to be just associated with stress and meaningless activities done only for a college application. Go out with friends. Have some fun. College isn’t everything. It sounds like you are on a perfect track already. Most high school freshman have not even began seriously thinking about / preparing for college. Let yourself live a little and let off some steam. At the end of the day, being president at X club is not going to be make or break in college applications. Just focus on getting good grades. Make sure to balance it with something you enjoy though. Invest time in improving your mental health and go out and do something you enjoy. You’re a high school freshman, enjoy one of the easier years of high school. As a high school senior with around 12 days left of school, I really recommend enjoying your time in high school and making good memories. I hope this helped in some way!!!

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Oh my little freshperson…

You are getting sucked up into a college whirlwind.
You are probably reading here on CC about all the things that people do…not realizing that many many people dont’ do any of that and they still go to college.

Nobody expects a freshman to be the leader of multiple clubs.

Nobody wants a freshman to be this stressed.

The first thing you should worry about is just doing well in your classes.
Don’t try to take 6 APs next year…maybe one, maybe none.

Talk to your parents or guidance counselor or club advisers.
Tell them you have overreached on leadership/club involvement.
FIgure out which 1 club you want to lead.
Apologize to the others that you need to step down as you over-committed.
Find the level that works for YOU…not what you think people want.

Check out “How to be a High School Superstar” by Cal Newport.

“The basic message of the book is this: Don’t wear yourself out taking as many classes as you can and being involved in every club and sport. Instead, leave yourself enough free time to explore your interests. Cultivate one interest and make it into something special that will make you stand out among the other applicants and get you into the toughest schools, even if your grades and scores aren’t stellar. Newport calls this the “relaxed superstar approach,” and he shows you how to really do this, breaking the process down into three principles, explained and illustrated with real life examples of students who got into top schools: (1) underscheduling—making sure you have copious amounts of free time to pursue interesting things, (2) focusing on one or two pursuits instead of trying to be a “jack of all trades,” and (3) innovation—developing an interesting and important activity or project in your area of interest. This fruit yielded by this strategy, an interesting life and real, meaningful achievements, is sure to help not only with college admissions, but getting a job, starting a business, or whatever your goals.”

http://www.examiner.com/review/be-a-relaxed-high-school-superstar

Also remember that there are 2000+ 4 year colleges in the USA…there is one for you.

“Also remember that there are 2000+ 4 year colleges in the USA…there is one for you.”

I think that this may be the most important part.

Many students get obsessed with what they think will help them get into a highly ranked university. They get into ECs and hard classes (honors or AP or IB), and end up with tons of homework. The result is way too much stress. It seems to me that the US has gone a bit crazy in terms of students being pushed and pushing themselves too far.

However, there are a LOT of very good universities in the US, and more elsewhere. You can find a school that is a good fit for you. Try to take high school at your own pace. Do the ECs that you want to do, and dump the rest. Find someone to take over your leadership position at some of the ECs that you are doing, or just tell the group’s academic advisor that you can’t do it any more and they can find someone else. Take the classes that you want to take. If you only want to take one or two APs in your entire 4 years of high school then take one or two APs (probably in your last year or two). If you don’t want to take any APs, then don’t take any.

One daughter had no ECs at all until her senior year of high school, and attended a high school that does not offer any AP classes at all. She still got accepted to every university that she applied to, with good merit aid at most of them (one she turned down before hearing back about merit aid). She is currently doing very well at a very good small university which is a great fit for her. Since it is summer break right now, she is currently involved in a great research internship.

I literally spent no time at all in high school thinking about what ECs to do or what classes to take to get into a good university. I only did the ECs that I wanted to do. I only took the classes that I wanted to take. I still got into a “top 3” university. Now with a degree from MIT, I work alongside people with degrees from their local in-state public school, and no one cares where anyone got their degree. If I had gone to my safety school instead, I would have had a less stressful four years of university, and right now I would probably be in the exact same place that I am.

Your goal should be two things: First, cut back to do only as much as you are comfortable doing. Doing well in your classes is important. However, ECs and hard classes (such as APs) are optional. Do only as much as you are comfortable with. Then, when the time comes, find a university or college which is a good fit for you.

One piece of good news is that you have recognized this problem early. Another piece of good news is that there are so many very good universities and colleges to choose from.

Be aware that the strongest students from state schools such as U.Mass Amerherst and Rutgers are just as strong as the strongest students from MIT or Harvard. Also, students from a very wide range of universities, hundreds if not thousands of different schools, do very well in life. Having a pragmatic major is far more important than attending a “big name” school. Keeping your life in balance is even more important still.

@stress4college: It may help if you recognize this as a maturity issue.

I’m a freshman right now, and I’m not in many clubs. Drop them; if you don’t enjoy doing them, then don’t do them just of the sake of college. Do what you enjoy. Read Cal Newport’s “How to be a High School Superstar.”

Lol - 3rd vote for the HS Superstar book. It isn’t about who led the most clubs or took the most APs. And I’ll add that there are a LOT of great schools outside the T20 that might be a better fit for you than the big names you hear all the time.

@Publisher Could you expand on that?

You’re young? That you will develop perspective with experience?

For your current complaints, trust that your ability to prioritize and compartmentalize will increase. Follow the advice in the replies above and focus on your classes first. Lastly, avoid doing ECs for the sake of college applications. Just do the ones that have meaning to you.

@stress4college : Try to limit your involvement in ECs to one or two activities in which you have a strong interest.

Setting impossible standards for yourself is just setting yourself up for failure.

A mature outlook understands that choices have to be made, that time is precious & that quality is more important than quantity.

@stress4college Do you have someone – a teacher, parent, counselor – who you can talk to?