<p>did you even proofread your essays...have anyone else read them? or were they last minute scrambles? you say you are a published author...i would have expected more. why you want to go to college? did you really need to write an essay about it? you are obviously interested in further learning because you are applying</p>
<p>I'm also not so sure about the essays. They didn't really capture my attention, and they both sounded a little awkward. The beginning of the first essay sounded especially odd. The closing for both essays were also weak. There were also a few little grammatical errors and typos that I noticed. I remember my high school English teacher advised me against using contractions in my college essays. While essays should demonstrate the kind of person you are, it's always safe to follow conventional grammar rules and traditions. </p>
<p>But, then again, your first essay was all about taking risks. While I may not be the biggest fan of your essays, someone else reading them may love them. You never know what might happen. Best of luck.</p>
<p>My teachers/counselor loved the first one. I dunno, maybe you need to read it a few times to get it. The first part is a satire of the "five paragraph essay" structure, and i made that as obvious as i could. The rest speaks for itself. It's certainly not the standard essay, and i dunno how much i can get away with there. But I had several "typical" essays, and every single teacher i asked said to use this one without a doubt.</p>
<p>I guess we'll see.</p>
<p>Hi, I'm back.</p>
<p>I can't say your essays are bad, but I can't say they're good either. I'm terribly sorry, but almost every applicant will be trying to write polished essays that "stand out" and, at this point, I just don't see anything special with your essays.</p>
<p>"In this essay, I will write about why I look forward to college."
"What will I be doing in five years?"</p>
<p>These are both dull, cliche openings and are automatic turnoffs for admissions officer who have to read many essays in one day. You could probably expect dozens of other essays to have the exact same topic sentences.</p>
<p>Seriously, when I was reading your second essay about "what I will doing five years from now," I kind of got bored and spaced out. The essay just kind of prances around without any clear focus. In order for your essays to be interesting, you should be showing the admissions officer who you are, not telling them. </p>
<p>Okay, whatever. I'm sure you have done your share of research on college essays (at least, I assume you have). What can a person learn about you by reading your essays?</p>
<p>lol, after reading your essays again, I decided that I enjoyed the first one a lot more, but the second one...</p>
<p>CommunistHunter- Did you already applied? People are suggesting things that you can't change, so what's the point?</p>
<p>lol, I can't stop looking at these essays. The second essay is very random and awkward.</p>
<p>You have a very positive tone. It show that you are mentally prepared for college and you really want to learn and experience new things.</p>
<p>Obviously, you are a decent writer, but if you really published a book, you should be able to write much better essays than these. Many applicants will have stronger essays. I'm not very impressed.</p>
<p>How much time did you spend on these essays!?!?!?</p>
<p>Overall, the first essay was really good and I actually really liked it. But, it could be a hit or miss. Just saying but what if the reader of your essay is a Math student who loves Calc? It might turn them off.</p>
<p>People on here are right. Collges might expect much more from you because you're published. And, obviously, people on here do too.</p>
<p>Yeah, obviously nothing can be chanaged. I'm just going for some opinions.</p>
<p>The first is very hit or miss. Even after I said it, some don't get that the first "cliched" bit is satire of the five paragraph essay structure. =/ Teachers got it right away, but people reading of course may not. </p>
<p>I'm into 3/3 schools for the moment, umbc, temple and some other one. Again, i used the first essay, so it can't have been THAT bad, though these schools are of course nothing to make a judgement on. I dont know, it's very risky, but it will stand out. Hopefully for the better.</p>
<p>The second; meh, that's my voice. That's how I think, so that's how i'm gonna write. Yes, I could do an essay that looks just like everyone elses, and I have, but that won't help me. Of course, these essays could hurt me pretty badly too, but they also read differently, because it is not the standard voice everyone uses; it is my own.</p>
<p>I guess we'll see.</p>
<p>"In this essay, I will write about why I look forward to college. This sentence makes a generalization about the constraints High School puts on the learning environment. This next sentence segues from that statement, to a more specific one. Finally, the last one contains my thesis."</p>
<p>"The first is very hit or miss. Even after I said it, some don't get that the first "cliched" bit is satire of the five paragraph essay structure. =/ Teachers got it right away, but people reading of course may not. "</p>
<p>I think pretty much all of us here are bright enough to understand that, but some of us may just think it is a bad way to start an essay.</p>
<p>The first essay is a nice idea but poorly executed. The first paragraph, especially, is awkward sounding. The entire essay is repetitive and lacks subtlety. The fact you announced that you were taking a risk with the essay negates any kind of power it may have had. The mark of a good writer is the ability to convey a message without beating it into our heads.</p>
<p>The second essay a rambling that reveals very little about you. I'd expect to read something like that on a Xanga blog but not on an Ivy League admissions essay. </p>
<p>The problem is that you spent so much effort trying to be unique in your style that you end up focusing too little on the content. In the end, you end up saying very little.</p>
<p>I had to make the first painfully obvious; there was too much risk they would take it literally (and many have). Better have it plainly obvious than completely missing.</p>
<p>The second, i dunno. I've got nothing to say, i'm completely undecided. I cant possibly imagine what i'm going to do, so i'm not going to just pick something out of thin air and ramble on about how great i'd be at it.</p>
<p>I dunno, they are what they are I guess.</p>
<p>What is the subject of the book you published?</p>
<p>I mean, I think you just sound really cocky. Also, I would never come close to bashing a school (like you did with the Cornell notes thing). I mean, why would risk that? And even if they didn't care, it does nothing for you. Basically, what you told them is that you're going to do whatever you want, and not really listen to teachers. Why would a school want a student like that? Also, for a published author, you really used poor grammar.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I had to make the first painfully obvious; there was too much risk they would take it literally (and many have). Better have it plainly obvious than completely missing.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That's my point. I know you made it obvious because you didn't want to risk the essay going over the head of the reader. But, wasn't your essay about taking risks? Instead, you chose the safe way.</p>
<p>As for the second essay, it's not like anyone will hold you to that career. I personally think you should've just picked one and expanded on it rather than write 2 sentences each about a bunch of different jobs.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I mean, I think you just sound really cocky. Also, I would never come close to bashing a school (like you did with the Cornell notes thing). I mean, why would risk that? And even if they didn't care, it does nothing for you. Basically, what you told them is that you're going to do whatever you want, and not really listen to teachers. Why would a school want a student like that? Also, for a published author, you really used poor grammar.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Cornell notes are mandatory in some of my classes, which i'm sure even they will agree is rediculous. </p>
<p>College is not like high school. You have material to learn, and you have to learn it before a set day when you will be asessed on it. There are no "homeworks" and "classworks", you just learn the info.</p>
<p>High school tells you HOW to learn. You must take cornell notes. You must make flash cards and show them the next day for credit. I've talked to my own teachers who say it's a horrible system and my essay is 100% spot on, but because parents would raise all sorts of havoc if high school were like college, this system must stay in place.</p>
<p>I am not trying to be cocky, or trying to say i won't listen to teachers, of course i will! I'm saying the liberation from the system is something i look forward to, and the structure of the essay, using an unconventional style in the second half, shows that.</p>
<p>I probably made a mistake with these essays, but meh. At least I did something different.</p>
<p>CH, I have to tell you that you are misinformed. There is plenty of homework and classwork in college. More than in high school. And for future reference, the possessive of "Johns Hopkins" is "Johns Hopkins's, not Johns Hopkin's. This is the kind of mistake that proofreading should have caught before it was sent in. English teachers read this?</p>
<p>Your first essay is definitely different. I can see it dulling the reader to sleep, or being liked. I guess it will depend on who reads it.</p>
<p>I still don't see how you wrote a book. I mean, you can't even spell "ridiculous" and clearly don't know what a run-on sentence is.... Whatever...</p>
<p>^Dude... why do you think there are editors for book authors? Honestly, if people write at 300 letters per minute, even J.K. Rowling would probably make a handful of obvious typos.</p>
<p>Anyways,CommunistHunter, I think your chances are actually above the average applicant. With you low GPA, relatively high SAT, and a published book, I think it would show that you have a very creative mind that many of us don't have and appreciate.</p>
<p>Btw, please let us know if you're accepted</p>
<p>PS: What's the title of your book?</p>
<p>well he clearly didnt have any editors for his college essays!!! and quite frankly, i dont think writing college essays at 300 wpm is a very good idea.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>(emphasis mine)</p>
<p>what's with this claim? i know some posters on the columbia board like to trumpet this too, as in, "columbia probably weighs test scores the least among all the ivies. they look at you as a person. blah blah blah." i find it a terribly cliched and annoying piece of marketing. (by the way, i'm not prejudiced against cornell/columbia. lots more schools like to parrot this line. besides, i'll be at columbia next year)</p>
<p>
<p>I will take risks, such as this essay.</p>
<p>I will not fear "doing it wrong." </p>
<p>I will take in a college education in the most efficient way I have: My own.
</p>
<p>it's too late to change anything, but this is basically all that you're saying:</p>
<ol>
<li>you will learn what you want, how you want - who doesn't?</li>
<li>you will take risks - who doesn't, from time to time?</li>
<li>you will not be afraid of making mistakes along the way - ok, maybe less commonplace than the other two, but still not unique</li>
</ol>
<p>seems very fluffy with the unorthodox presentation but we don't learn anything concrete or unique about you. good luck anyhow.</p>