Immigration, college and family. Help me out parents.

Parent Cafe
1

I was afraid that I would not get accepted to any U.S. college with my okayish stats and high financial aid need a
month ago.Today, a month later, I have this dilemma of choosing in between the colleges : Grinnell and University
of Richmond.

I am from Nepal, but my mom won diversity visa lottery in 2016. So, my family got our green cards through her.
Since november, we are considered eligible permanent residents of the states and are required to give up our
green cards or move to the states by Nov,2017. I had no plans of studying in the U.S. Neither my mom had ever dreamt
of moving to the states. As the name suggests, it was just that: a lottery. The green card brought a U- turn in my
life. From understanding all of the U.S. application system in october, to taking SATs in november,
TOEFL in December and sending my applications in January, I have done everything on my own.Now that I have come
to one of the biggest decision of my life, I want to start from the very place where I started in the first place.
My parents can’t help me in this process, but maybe the parents in college confidential can.

My parents will need someone to guide them with as basic things as paying their bills with credit cards once they
come to U.S. They are by no means illiterate. They can understand english, but can’t respond fluently. It’s just
that they are old( Dad is 50, mom is 45) and Nepal is a completely different place. They’ll definitely need help
to get used to the lifestyle here. At times we discuss if it’s worth it: leaving everything back home and moving to U.S. at this
phase in life. But, then I have a 2 year old brother too. And, any non U.S. parent here can maybe relate how big
the american dream is for people from developing countries.It’s like life is offering them a change, a better
future for their son. And, my parents are scared to let it pass.

We have some relatives in Virginia and Maryland. Not very close ones, but definitely the ones
who can help my parents settle down. On the other hand, we have no one in Iowa.My parents want to move to wherever
I attend college. And, I too want the same, at least in same city if not together. I have come to a point where
it feels like my college decision is more about my family. No matter how much my parents tell me to think about
myself rather than them regarding my college choice, I can’t help it. My parents are my responsibilty and so is
little brother.

Another is the financial factor.
My financial aid letter looks like this :
Grinnell: University of Richmond:
57K- grant 58K- Grant
2200- Federal Work Study 2200-Federal Work Study
3500- Federal loan 3500-federal loan
Total direct expenses- 63,114 Total direct expense-62,730

Richmond is providing 1K more in grant money along with 500 less in direct bill. So, that is 1500 less every year
financially.

From what I have understood, both Grinnell and Richmond are said to be rigorous academically.Economics or
Computer Science, I am still confused about what i want to major in. So,what should I do? Grinnell or Richmond?
Where should I go? For so many people here on college confidential, these colleges are their first choices. I
just want to arrive at a decision faster so that the aid and acceptance goes to another deserving candidate on the
waiting list.Help me out, please.

2

In your situation, I would choose Richmond. It’s a little closer to some major metro areas than Grinnell…and closer to those perhaps helpful relatives.

Grinnell is an awesome school…but it’s sort of in the middle of no where.

It also looks like Richmond is the more affordable school for you.

3

I was afraid that I would not get accepted to any U.S. college with my okayish stats and high financial aid need a month ago.Today, a month later, I have this dilemma of choosing in between the colleges : Grinnell and University of Richmond.

I am from Nepal, but my mom won diversity visa lottery in 2016. So, my family got our green cards through her.Since november, we are considered eligible permanent residents of the states and are required to give up our green cards or move to the states by Nov,2017. I had no plans of studying in the U.S. Neither my mom ever dreamt of moving to the states. As the name suggests, it was just that: a lottery. The green card brought a U- turn in my life. From understanding all of the U.S. application system in october, to taking SATs in november,TOEFL in December and sending my applications in January, I have done everything on my own.Now that I have come to one of the biggest decision of my life, I want to start from the very place where I started in the first place.My parents can’t help me in this process, but maybe the parents in college confidential can.

My parents will need someone to guide them with as basic things as paying their bills with credit cards once they come to U.S. They are by no means illiterate. They can understand english, but can’t respond fluently. It’s just that they are old( Dad is 50, mom is 45) and Nepal is a completely different place. They’ll definitely need help to get used to the lifestyle here. At times we discuss if it’s worth it: leaving everything back home and moving to U.S. at this phase in life. But, then I have a 2 year old brother too. And, any non U.S. parent here can maybe relate how big the american dream is for people from developing countries.It’s like life is offering them a change, a better future for their son. And, my parents are scared to let it pass.

We have some relatives in Virginia and Maryland. Not very close ones, but definitely the ones who can help my parents settle down. On the other hand, we have no one in Iowa.My parents want to move to wherever I attend college. And, I too want the same, at least in same city if not together. I have come to a point where it feels like my college decision is more about my family. No matter how much my parents tell me to think about myself rather than them regarding my college choice, I can’t help it. My parents are my responsibilty and so is little brother.

Another is the financial factor.
My financial aid letter looks like this :
Grinnell:

57K- grant

2200- Federal Work Study

3500- Federal loan

Total direct expenses- 63,114

University of Richmond

58K- Grant
2200-Federal Work Study
3500- Federal loan

Total direct expense-62,730

Richmond is providing 1K more in grant money along with 500 less in direct bill. So, that is 1500 less every year financially.I think this much financial aid difference shouldnot be the deciding factor.

From what I have understood, both Grinnell and Richmond are said to be rigorous academically.Economics or Computer Science, I am still confused about what i want to major in. So,what should I do? Grinnell or Richmond?Where should I go? For so many people here on college confidential, these colleges are their first choices. I just want to arrive at a decision faster so that the aid and acceptance goes to another deserving candidate on the waiting list.Help me out, please.

4

Edit: Posted twice because the format was really weird on 1st one.

5

They are both great schools. Congratulations. I also suggest Richmond because it is closer to relatives and potential jobs for your parents.


Your parents are not old, but perhaps you were suggesting that it might be harder for them to find a job at those ages and that might be true..
6

Your parents are not old. When my oldest left for college, I was 57. Older than dirt :slight_smile:

Richmond area would be a better area for job prospects especially since you have some relatives in that neck of the woods who might be able to help.

Both are fine schools. Congratulations!

7

I hope you take this chance! I agree with the others that Richmond seems like the best option, but they are both excellent choices. Iowa will have a lower cost of living, but Richmond will have more work for your parents and more opportunities for you. Best of luck to you and your family!

8

Just a quick note: you sound like a very mature, compassionate and intelligent young person. Your (not old!) parents are lucky to have a child like you!

9

It may come down to where your parents can find work. Richmond seems to be the best option in that regards, especially with the added benefit of having extended family in the area. Grinnell is a small town so if you did choose to go there your parents might end up working in Des Moines or Iowa City.

One consideration for Grinnell might be for your parents to look at the Chicago area where there appears to be a Nepalese community. I don’t know what kind of work they would be looking at but Chicago might give them more job opportunities and the community could make it less isolating for them. You wouldn’t see your parents as often as you would living in the same town but it’s only a few hours away. Grinnell runs a shuttle to and from the area on breaks.

10

You might contact both colleges and ask for help. There might be a church or civic group in either community that helps settle immigrants, helps with housing and employment, helps with figuring things out such as transportation and shopping. The school may have a job for one of your parents. The bigger city of Richmond may be right, but sometimes small communities can really pull together. Iowa has very good schools for your brother, a low crime rate, and many prefer the small town life. The weather is probably a little better in Richmond (although hot and humid in the summers)

Good choices to have. Good luck.

11

Richmond is the better option based on your family situation. Grinnell is a wonderful school, but Richmond will have a better situation for your family as far as work and services within the city.

12

Also, your parents don’t need to necessarily live IN Richmond. They could live somewhere else in a city nearby. Norfolk, Virginia Beach, etc.

Even if they do live in Richmond, that’s not a bicycle ride away…it’s a car trip.

13

Chicago is not at all close to Iowa. Your parents can choose to live close to the DC area in Virginia and be in an area of others from all over. They will more likely be able to find familiar foods (at specialty markets) and cultural events close enough to be able to attend. I’m married to an Indian immigrant (he was a US citizen when we met) and know how things have changed in finding Indian foods et al, traveling over a hundred miles (or 200 to get the better variety) 30 years ago to a grocery store with limited foods locally. Far fewer Nepalese to generate such services.

Richmond seems to be a better place for you and to have family in that state because of distant relatives who know of both your family and home country being within driving distance (for them as your parents initially won’t have the skills). Plus there is a greater likelihood of other Nepalese in Virginia than Iowa. Far more diversity with many more people from all over the world.

Your parents must have an interest in relocating to the US because they bothered with the green card lottery. It means a huge change of lifestyle for them My H came to the US as a young man and I know how it was/is for his mother who kept visiting and eventually became a citizen (citizens can be out of the US more than half the year). She is here because both of her kids are, she prefers India but now it is harder for her to be there on her own given her age.

Very important for you and your family to want to be in the US permanently. Your two year old brother will grow up American as opposed to Nepalese regardless of his citizenship status. There will be the option to return if things do not work out but a positive attitude towards being here is essential to not be miserable.

It will be an interesting journey for you and your family. Most of us have ancestors who made the leap in past generations. Many of us did not have the finances and education your family obviously does (think 8th grade or less educations…).

14

Now that I have dispensed with the whole relocation thing on to your college major. You have plenty of time once you start college to decide your final major. Once you are actually in college taking the needed classes you will be better informed about so many things. You will need many of the same courses starting out- some for breadth requirements and others good or needed for both majors. Your interests and how well you do will help guide you.

Both schools have found you acceptable. Both feel you could succeed. Both have pros and cons and are smaller private liberal arts colleges. Coming from Nepal you are going to encounter cultural challenges and I don’t see where one or the other college will make a difference in your chances to do well. The weather and altitude will certainly be a welcome change in either place.

Good luck to you.

15

@thumper1 @CheddarcheeseMN @Massmomm @Otterma @Kmich – Yeah, more urban in terms of location, closer relatives, more job prospects and bigger Nepalese community. As you have all added, this perfectly sums up the pros of attending Richmond.

@thumper1 @CheddarcheeseMN – It’s just that it has been a couple of years since my dad retired from Nepal police. So, my mind unconsciously ties up retirement with old age. So, they are maybe not that old as I suppose them to be.

@twoinanddone – That’s a really great advice. I will definitely look into that.

@wis75 – Thanks for sharing that! The change is definitely going to be huge. We know we can’t have it all. There’ll be good moments and there’ll be bad ones too. I hope that when time comes, we’ll be strong enough to deal with it all.

@katliamom – Thank you so much for saying that! My traits are just small reflections of parents who have given up every luxury in life to afford a better education and a better life for me.

Thank you so much everyone. I am truly grateful for the thought and time that you have given to help me out here. Over the past few days, I have pondered over your suggestions and I too think that choosing University of Richmond over Grinnell would be a more sensible decision in my case.

Another thing, I don’t know if it’s too early to say this, but I’ll make sure I’ll do my best to pay back to this amazing country which is offering me and my family a better life and more importantly, a better future.

:slight_smile:

16

Good choice
All the best to you and your family

17

I would choose Grinnell. But I am a liberal and creative kind of person. Richmond will be more conservative and preppy. But, the location is closer to civilization. It won’t be like Nepal, but it might be a little easier, geographically, to get to places that perhaps might resemble Nepal, in some small way. That might be an important factor to your parents, if they are planning to settle near the college you choose. Plus, if money is better and a strong consideration, that might be your best bet.

18

@wisteria100 – Thank you :slight_smile:

19

I would consider Grinnell. There is a kindness to the Midwesterners that isn’t always there on the Coasts. Des Moines isn’t far away, and is a decent sized city. It is “civilized”. They have flush toilets and everything! My wife came out of the tropics many years ago from a place as foreign as Nepal, and attended Beloit, which has some similarities to Grinnell. She had great success there(going on to attend a highly ranked medical school), partly due to the time and energy the students and staff at Beloit spent acclimatizing her to a new country and culture.

Sounds like both options are pretty good, though.

20

@Lindagaf – “Richmond will be more conservative and preppy” . Okay, now I am confused again. So, you are trying to say that Iowa would be an easier place to fit in rather than Richmond?