I had agreed w DH that as I approach 2023, we would have me stop working at my current job. i am an ordinary, extremely poorly paid, clerk. (This was after years of a much more wonderful job that I loved, but was reconfigured away)
And I am finding it really hard to face. I feel anxious about not earning any money (even though I earn very little now for my 35 hr week; we don’t need the money). I feel embarassed to be so unable to be happy at a menial job (we are condescended to daily, hourly, incessantly). I feel like it isn’t fair that I can quit so “early” when everyone else in the world is struggling to get by and don’t have the luxury of a choice.
DH will keep working for 4-5 more years. I will take a more involved role in a ministry we created ten years ago. My elderly parents will get more of my long distance but undivided attention. I tell myself all these things and I just feel too guilty to quit and DH is willing to let me do whatever makes me comfortable…but I don’t know what that is, anymore
I guarantee that you will enjoy your early retirement, and you will probably make your husband’s life even easier by being available to run errands, etc. Maybe another (meaningful) job will come along when you least expect it.
Do what works best for your family. I haven’t earned a penny in 22 years and I still struggle with the guilt. I respect your DH so much for how much he is respecting you in this process. You are a team. It’s OK to divide and conquer and that includes the earning money part.
I will say that if you decide to continue working at the very least you deserve a better job situation for sure.
I have retired twice and gone back to work. I also quit for a few years when the kids were young.
This last time I told my family that I’d only work for a year to add more to my retirement fund. I didn’t need the job, but it paid very well and I was bored. I’m now at almost the two year mark. It helps that I’m able to work from home, and because my position has been historically hard to fill, my supervisor is very flexible with my schedule and leave. If I hated it, I wouldn’t be working.
Give yourself some time. If you find you do want to work for money, you can. I did a Americorps teaching gig last year and did receive some pay (not much). This year they didn’t have a school near my house so I thought I’d get a sub license (they are desperate for sub teachers around here) but other things got in the way (my mother died) so I haven’t had time yet. I think I’d like that because I can control when I work. Hopefully in the spring.
I also do another volunteer job so I’m busy. when I want to be.
As someone nearing retirement, I have given so/too much thought to this.
First, every job offers SOMETHING. Whether it’s a paycheck, structure to your life, socialization, meaning, intellectual challenge, a way to stay current, how you define yourself,
it’s never 100% bad. So yes, you will be losing that. In some cases, you can find what you lose elsewhere. You are also going to get something out of it. Freedom, flexibility, more time with family and friends, etc. The scale may tip more in favor of gains or losses, but you owe yourself some compassion as you find a new balance.
Also, when you retire later in life, especially if you have worked consistently for most of your adult life, it’s hard to ignore what this signals about where you are in your life. When you leave school, it’s commencement. Now it’s retirement. This is a marker of the beginning of a different stage of life. There are lots of feelings about this. Maybe not just guilt about giving up an income?
If you want a paycheck, I suspect you can find one. But all the other stuff takes time to work out. It sounds like you have a good plan that will give you purpose and fulfillment. That may be much more valuable than the paycheck,. Don’t feel guilty about that!
If you do not need the money or anything else from a job you do not like, then it seems like you ought to leave it. In this case, if retirement now is not your desire, you can try finding another job, but it may be less stressful and you can be more selective if taking a job is optional.
Do not feel guilty about retiring. Whether or not you retire has zero effect on someone who wants to retire, but cannot. You should feel fortunate that you can be there for your aging parents - I have known many people that do not have this opportunity. If you want to work, work. Sounds like you will be busy with your ministry and other obligations.
I understand the discomfort of not earning money any more, when you have been a wage earner for so much of your life. I’ve been retired over a year, and it still feels wrong not to work, though I’ve worked since I was thirteen and now I’m 60. That’s 47 years, and it feels wrong not to work. When I retired, I was at the top of my career, working at one of the best jobs in my industry, so it’s particularly hard to not bring in that paycheck.
However, there’s always options to earn money. You can do something every now and then, part time, or work from home at your leisure. You can spend more time doing things that you used to hire others to do, spend more time finding ways to be frugal, and really, after you take away the taxes and all the costs of working, you might find yourself breaking even. Look for opportunities, you might even find something you enjoy, as it sounds like what you’re doing now is no joy whatsoever!
I was keeping my eyes open to opportunities, but now because of my availability, I have been a designated a caretaker to a dear friend recovering from brain surgery. She is my mission now. I am now available to help those I love more than I ever could be when I was working. There’s plenty of reasons to be uncomfortable stopping work after a lifetime of work, but guilt because other people are working is not something you should worry about. Likely you’ve worked more in your life than most people ever will. It sounds like you still have plenty on your plate.
You’ll feel the guilt for awhile, then it will ease up. I lost my job at 55, and really felt guilty because I didn’t want to go back to the stress of another one. Found some temporary part time work fir 18 months, then completely retired at 58. I’m 63 now and really enjoy it. But you do have to find something to fill your day…that is important for your mental health. I’m a part time Poshmark clothing reseller…haha! Started out as just a little fun, then decided it was easy to make pocket money, then turned it into a PT job.
You’ll love that every night is Friday night. No more Sunday dreads or putting up with office politics. Yes, I still feel some guilt from nit bringing in that nice paycheck, but it’s more than offset by the freedom of retirement. Lunch and a movie with gF…why yes! Grocery shopping on a Tuesday morning with no one there…awesome! Worker of any kind at your house any window! Hair cut at 2:30.
Maybe your current job has more to do with your confusion than you think? It sounds like a bad situation. Bad situations cloud our judgement and impact our emotional state. It can really affect your self-esteem. I had a job like that years ago. It sucked the life out of me. I just quit. Amazing how much life gets better. Sounds like a perfect time to quit and take a break and regain your perspective. Don’t undersell yourself. You can always find a job later.
Volunteering could help. Visiting your parents a little more often sounds terrific. As my parents age, every moment spent with them is more important.
There seem to be a few options, especially if you don’t need the money. You can volunteer or even intern (I interned with an historical organization that later had a job, which I could not take for various reasons but you could). You can leave this job and wait for another one, including parttime. (Would you rather work for ex. in a boutique, or, say, a plant store than your current job?) You could retire and explore new interests (I started art in my 60’s and also tai chi, which I eventually taught to assisted living residents).
I think for us folks who are a little older, the same advice that I have seen for younger people applies: if you give up planning everything and do a little “wise wandering” good things can result, but it can be scary.
Would it help to reframe this a little? You are not “quitting,” you’re choosing to put your efforts towards something more meaningful to you. Yes you are not going to be paid and other people have to work for pay, but you are helping some of those other people, probably for free, through your ministry work.
You can also consider it a “trial” retirement, it doesn’t have to be permanent. If you stop your current job and decide you want another one in 3 months or 6 months, then go for it. If something comes your way that sounds wonderful, why not?
I retired at 59, and sometimes I feel a little guilty, but I have also worked since HS, lived below my means, and saved enough to be able to afford it. I’m getting close to the 2 year mark, and I have no regrets.
What’s your menial job? I used to love working as a grocery cashier - talking with people and seeing what they buy. I sometimes think of doing that if retired and wanted to work a bit. (I realize it wouldn’t be as fun if I needed to work 40 hours a week.)
Good timing for a thread. Today was officially my last work day, then two weeks of vacation and then I am retired. I have no guilt. We have worked out the money and know we have saved enough and have enough to live well for probably much longer than we need to.
My husband retired a few years ago and he still has issues with it. He feels like he should be doing more with his life but can’t seem to come up with anything specific to do. He has been appointed to our town’s Council on Aging so he’s involved with elder services and back into town government again but he thinks he needs more.
I haven’t exactly decided what I’m going to do. Ideas are volunteering at an animal shelter, joining a hiking club and a few other random things. We’ll see. I don’t feel any guilt. My main worry is feeling bored and not having enough social interactions.
I stopped my part time job 15years ago. Since then I created a nonprofit that I have run ever since. I’ve also been very active on many other organizations I care about, including educating policymakers, serving on 4 boards of directors and more. We also help care for my mom, travel and spend time with our kids. Your life will be as busy as you choose, with or without earning more $$$.
It’s not so much that the job is menial, it’s the combination of it uses up so much time and I get little for it — not much personal satisfaction, not money, not engagement in community…sense of purpose has been a victim of constant staff loss, disrespect, re-tasking, etc… I find myself thinking “good grief, this is IT? I’m using up what is left of my life wasting it on THIS?” Which seemed like an indicator that I should consider being done.
I’m not concerned about being bored as a stay at home adult – I have plenty I would and could do — I am afraid I will feel like I quit. Like a “better” person would suck it up and not complain (raised by Yankees, what can I say).
Otoh, some days I spend helping my mom on the phone and think do I really want to spend what’s left of HER life chained to a remote desk life?
