In need of essay advice

Hi,
I’m a rising senior who will be applying to college this fall, and I may fall into a predicament when it comes to my essay. I have already written a good common app essay for English this year and received the joint-highest grade in a class with 7 kids that have a 36 (myself being one). I wrote about my experience on my cross country team because it is my favorite extracurricular. However, we have yet to elect captains, and while I have a good shot of being one, I’m not a lock. If I am not elected captain, should I change my essay? My other option would be to write about old people bc I do lots of service/work with the elderly, but I’d rather do it about XC.

FYI colleges that I’m thinking about applying to: Notre Dame, G’town, OSU, Butler, UVA, Richmond, Villanova, Penn, Princeton

Thanks

You should change your essay. Colleges look out for personal qualities mostly. If you need more help HMU

I’d say you can keep the essay about cross country if that’s your passion. A trick that helped me when writing essays was to create a list of qualities you want to showcase. For example, being a leader, passion, drive, collaboration ect. and then weave those qualities into your essay. Show those characteristics off instead of telling. The essay is your opportunity to show admissions who you are. If possible, try and find the qualities those schools value and reflect those values. Remain true to yourself and even if you aren’t elected captain, it can make for a good essay.

Sports can make for a bad topic though so don’t make it generic such as the “I thought I wouldn’t win, but with a little wishful thinking, I won.” It’s a bit played out. And congrats on receiving the highest grade! If you can, get someone who isn’t super involved with your application process to read it and give you feedback on the impression the essay makes about your character.

Thanks for your advice. I think my essay does a good job of not being too generic (it’s about this terrible road we run on every day and how it has developed me into the person I am), but I do think I could display more personal qualities in it. I’ll have an acquaintance look it over soon. Hopefully, I’ll get the captainship so I won’t have to worry about it.

Wow a topic of a bad road sounds cool. I can totally see you adding your own spin on it. It’ll make for a unique perspective on something seemingly mundane. Good luck with becoming captain!

Back to your initial question – I don’t think becoming captain or not becoming captain should have any bearing on if you use that essay. It sounds to me like track is a vehicle you are using, not the story itself.

Your essay should have nothing to do with whether you are captain or not. That is irrelevant to the purpose of the essay. It isn’t a brag sheet – it is a view into your personality, how you think about the world. Sounds like it could be a pretty good essay (congrats on taking an over-used topic, and putting an interesting spin on it).

Thank you for your advice. I understand that the essay isn’t brag sheet, I just think being captain would evidence my growth as a leader and what not. I doubt I’d even mention it in the essay.

I think too many students stay away from the sports essay when applying to top schools- especially if you’re really passionate about it. My friend actually got into Yale last year writing about our team, so that gives me some confidence with my topic (though he was a captain-which now that I think about it may have contributed to my worries)

A reminder to the OP that if they want to have someone on CC read their essay, please check the user’s posting history to make sure the user is not an applicant like you.