Indian post

<p>I am applying to Macalester, 15 th is last date I have written an essay on :
Describe a situation where you have had to work or closely associate with someone from a culture very different from your own. What challenges did you face and how did you resolve them?
Plz help me in cutting it short</p>

<p>It was the typical Indian summer Harsh & relentless, our summer vacations were about to begin. It was in the last week of school that I got the news that a group of Spanish students was coming to our school as a part of an International student exchange program This was the first ever such program at St Michael's High School so this piece of news caused considerable excitement .</p>

<p>Some of the 12th graders were to team up with the Spanish to educate the underprivileged in the near by slums and to promote better understanding of hygiene & health care. We were divided in teams of two and assigned specific areas. My partner, a list put up on the notice board said was a certain Maria delBosque. Of course I was really eager to see her but Mr. Raj the project coordinator informed me that my curiosity couldn't be quenched for another two days .</p>

<p>Two days later I arrived at school earlier than usual and rushed to the toilet to ensure that my hair wasn't out of face and my attire neat. But to my acute disappointment the Spanish team wasn't introduced in the morning assembly. I was restless and distracted in the class room till the lunch break when Mr. Raj called me to the staff room.</p>

<p>The other members of the team had already assembled there. There Were 22 of us I counted. One by one Mr. Raj started introducing us to our Spanish partners. When my turn came I was introduced to an auburn haired girl dressed in a crisp skirt and a matching shirt. She was tall at least 5'8" and had sharp continental features. Her blue eyes glittered with a child like innocence. She walked up to me held out her delicate hands and said "Me Maria deBosque" in a decidedly Spanish accent. The trouble with which she coaxed these words out of her throat bore potent testimony to her lack of command over the Queen's English language.</p>

<p>I asked her to walk with me in the corridor so that we could get to know each other a little better. And then it happened. She asked me in her broken English if I could talk in Spanish and I after much gesticulation and ceremony finally succeeded in letting her know that the only Spanish that I know was 'Bailamose' by god's grace Michael Santieago(A Spanish) happened to come along and he offered to act as an interpreter .</p>

<p>I asked her with Michael's assistance of course, if she would like to accompany me to the canteen for lunch. She gave her reply in the affirmative. We, the three of us walked into the school canteen. Maria was obviously petrified to see the amount of oil and spice in the food and inquired if she could have smoked salmon. Now it is easier to find a kangaroo in Sahara Desert than smoked salmon in a school canteen. I requested her to at least give the food a try initially she was reluctant but after much cajolery she tried spoonful of rice and curry and found it not totally disagreeable. Of course a bottle of mineral water and a pack of potato chips came in handy on many subsequent occasions.</p>

<p>However the language barrier remained, Michael tried his best to help me in Spanish & Maria in English but our progress was painfully slow and even after a week we could still manage a few broken sentences.</p>

<p>As she was from a rich country she was moved to tears at the plight of slum dweller, she was very affectionate and everyday she brought gifts & chocolates for the poor kids while we taught them. Lingual problem did interfere at times but it was resolved with the help of Michael and some interactive techniques that she used to perfection.</p>

<p>Once I took her to my family she was quite amazed to see that we shared our house with my grand parents & uncle family. She was even more wide eyed when she learnt that joint families were quite normal in India and of course my grandma took strong exception to the short skirt she was wearing and to her kissing me goodbye.
She was fascinated by the Indian dressing sense. Esp. the sari & jewelry that my mother used to wear. My mother gifted her new silk sari which she kept it as her invaluable possession.</p>

<p>Soon three weeks were over, Spanish group was to leave next morning when Maria came and presented me a Omega wrist watch. I gave her a Taj Mahal momento and a picture book on Indian fashion trends. The next morning just before leaving she handed me a goodbye note in English, obviously it was filled with errors but her effort touched my heart. We still remain in touch through E mail.</p>

<p>have I missed any importent points</p>

<p>plz reply fast 28 hrs to go now...</p>

<p>OK suyash, first of all, I dont really like the beginning.
I assume that your 2nd sentence starts with 'Harsh and relentless'. In that case it sounds like your vacations are harsh and relentless rather than the summer.</p>

<p>'It was in the last week of school that I got the news that a group of Spanish students was coming to our school as a part of an International student exchange program'
you can use 'heard that' instead of 'got the news that'.</p>

<p>'This was the first ever such program at St Michael's High School so this piece of news caused considerable excitement .'</p>

<p>You could rephrase : 'St michaels had never participated in such a program before so this piece of news...'</p>

<p>'that my hair wasn't out of face '
??? Doesnt make much sense. Do you mean place?</p>

<p>You're spending too many words describing this girl's appearance. cut it down, its not strictly essential to the essay.</p>

<p>"Queens English language': its either the queens language or just plain english but not both.</p>

<p>Michael Santieago(A Spanish) happened to come along and he offered to act as an interpreter : clumsy sentence. And you cant write 'a spanish'. it should be a spaniard, though that does sound kinda weird. Cut out the 'he'</p>

<p>She gave her reply in the affirmative.
just write- she agreed or she said yes.</p>

<p>joint families were quite normal .
dont use the word normal, use common instead. otherwise it sounds like joint families are really freaky in other parts of the world.</p>

<p>Indian dressing sense? Indian attire or clothing sounds better.</p>

<p>presented me a Omega wrist watch
should be presented me with an omega wrist watch.</p>

<p>The next morning just before leaving she handed me a goodbye note in English, obviously it was filled with errors but her effort touched my heart.
Split this up into two sentences.</p>

<p>i think you've made the intro too long. Just mention the fact that your school was having this exchange program and then go straight into your encounter with maria.
Also, the essay is about your experience and difficulties. You seem to have concentrated more on hers.
Maybe you didnt get this impression while interacting with this girl, but from personal experience, i can say that whenever i meet kids from 1st world countries, they seem to be appallingly ignorant about any realities apart from their own clean, sanitized well ordered world which makes me want to scream 'WAKE UP!' sometimes. They have these really annoying fixed ideas about what India is supposed to be like and most of them are just plain silly. And I take great pleasure in puncturing each one of these ideas because I dont feel anyone has the right to be in a foreign country and not make an effort to break out beyond stereotyped ideas. But this of course is a personal experience albeit one thats happened in the overwhelming majority of my encounters with foreign kids. i f it didnt happen to you then dont write about it. Bt in any case you need to concentrate on your POV more than hers. She after all is not applying to Malacaster.</p>

<p>I had math tuition at 5 am whch meant i had to wake up at 4. I come back after two hours of complex numbers and my mom tells me the coffee powders run out and plunks down this cup of nescafe in front of me! GRRR!!
My life sucks!</p>

<p>and also suyash, pay attention to the punctuation ;)</p>

<p>syasha i wish our resident ms. 1600 would respond but yeah 10 Real SAT's, going over and correcting the kind of things you generally trip over is the way to go</p>

<p>ravi yeah the other songs are nice too and there's this summer of 69 punjabi spoof :p haha sure sounds like it</p>

<p>aw poor lil coffee deprived girl. i just woke up after sleeping for 17 hours... boi am i proud</p>

<p>shikhar it is not nice to make fun of other peoples problems...
are your exams over?</p>

<p>Resident-no...that honour goes to you Mr. Senior Member :p</p>

<p>shikhar? <em>spins head around</em> you talkin to me?</p>

<p>isnt that your name ????</p>

<p>i guess so.
i wasn't always shikhar, tho.
my exams, such - two down, four to go.
and you're not a smug bitch, just so you know.</p>

<p>astrix- thanks for the vote of confidence. You're right I'm not a smug bitch, I'm just plain smug.
what were you before if you werent Shikhar
And why astrix anyway?</p>

<p>lildude_ravi: LPS?? Do you know anyone called "Puru Raj"??</p>

<p>Btw, I should mention that in fiitjee, there's regular teacher exchange, so the teachers are uniform whether in Patna or Delhi. The advantage at Patna is two-fold: it's near my home, and the no. of students is not that large (~20-25 in a batch which drops to around 15 somedays) so there is a lot of individual attention. The students know their teachers personally and vice versa. Plus, if you miss a class, schedule an individual appointment :D Though I studied for two years as well, I couldn't balance my time.... so NOW I think I should be able to reap its real benefits.</p>

<p>merc : when did he join? in which batch ??? I cant recall such name........</p>

<p>I don't know his batch, but he was in LPS for 11th and 12th - passed just this last year. If you're still in 12th that means he's a year senior to you...</p>

<p>btw sucharita, let suyash's imagination fly with the essay. it's a fabricated incident :p</p>

<p>========
there's a guy called Bhai Shabin Raja from india, applying to MIT. He's very poor and is very low on the procedures. He posts on Matt's blog (blogs.mit.edu/madmatt).</p>

<p>He recently missed TOEFL and didn't take SAT II writing too, and is panicking.</p>

<p>I thought maybe someone here could help.</p>

<p>His address is <a href="mailto:shabinthegreat@gmail.com">shabinthegreat@gmail.com</a></p>

<p>ok- nice. i wish i had been less truthful. i have a nice fertile imagination...i could have made my life sound so much more interesting than it actually is :(</p>

<p>haha i kinda figured it was fabricated :p (not a nice thing no? you always run that risk. and the adcom's sposed to be smart people who see through such stuff) i know someone else who had trouble with that essay. it's a stupid question. what if you've just mingled nicely with people from other cultures? i bet everyone just writes about language barriers or something.</p>

<p>i was... neerav before i became shikhar. hmmph. neerav sounds all weird to me now, which makes me sick coz i was neerav for most of my life.</p>

<p>damn superstitious grandparents :p gotta love them anyway</p>

<p>so what you changed your name with an affidavit? How??? Tell me.! I'm going to change my name ASAP!</p>

<p>So when did you become Shikhar?</p>