It’s really simple.
Are people who judge you by where you went to college (or high school) …
A) really sophisticated, sharp people who you should go out of your way to impress or
B) losers who need a hobby and a life?
You’re so focused on how other people think that you haven’t stopped to consider what you should think of them.
“The students from the elite school look down their noses and avoid contact with us. When they find out we go to such and such school, we become lepers. Everyone reacts differently depending on where you tell them you go to school. I feel like there is a whole part of society that is closed off to me because of my college.”
I don’t really believe this, but even if it’s true. Why is it so important to you to befriend the elite school students? Do you think they are better people than you? Do you come from a cultural background where prestige is incredibly important?
You don’t seem to understand. It is important to me–I feel like a failure. I care that other people care because it confirms how I feel.
I believe that you posted expecting people to confirm that you’re a failure and help you deal with going through life that way, as we would offer help on living with hearing loss or diabetes. That was never going to happen. Please reread all the responses you’ve gotten here. Everyone thinks your feelings are not a normal reaction to your status You’ve been told aren’t a failure, and no one will see you as one. Doesn’t that tell you that you need to find out why your perceptions are so off base? Don’t you want to be free of these feelings? You don’t need advice on how to carry on despite your inferiority complex. You need to find out why you have it and work on getting rid of it.
It may feel that way now, but not forever!
@ddefe1, I think that you are suffering from depression or something akin to it, and should seek counseling. Really.
.
You obviously have very low self esteem to feel this way. Sure, maybe those kids at the other school look down on your school, just like certain groups look down on others. It’s a global reality, but one that people throughout history have fought against because they know they are not inferior just because someone thinks they are.You’re letting them define you because you have little regard for yourself as a person. To tell you to shake it off seems futile as you already believe that you are inferior as a person. Have you been in therapy? Sounds like you could use some counseling.
You’re characterizing life as you choose to see it just as much as they are. Why is it that the way YOU view life is valid but your peers’ views aren’t? Their views are as valid to them as yours are to you.
I don’t understand why it’s so important for you to drag your peers’ opinion of your school (and their resulting self-worth) down to your level. Not only do you seem to be miserable, but you seem intent on not being satisfied until everyone around you is as miserable as you are. Why? I agree with the posters who suggest you talk to a professional about how you feel. In the meantime, I hope you leave your classmates alone. Good luck to you.
High school isn’t forever, and living well really is the best revenge. You probably won’t ever have to see any of these people again if you don’t want to. The chances are that you will find a lot to love where you’re going. If not, then you can transfer. When you denigrate your own college as much as you do, you implicitly belittle everyone who attends or attended it, along with anyone who attended a less-selective college or no college at all. In other words, you have a low opinion of all but a tiny, privileged group of Americans among all members of our species.
@ddefe1 I can relate to what you are saying. I came from the midwest where there were no “ivys”. So it was good in that way bc no one could look down their nose. Then I moved to NYC where looking down your nose is an art form. I guess it is a genetic predisposition, but I don’t really care what people think. And it never hindered me professionally.
So try to look at it from the perspective of the long game. Sure, it would have been nice to go to a fancy college, and maybe that makes those other people look down at you. Or maybe you are looking up to far it only seems that way…,just relax. Do your best with what you have. People looking down, you can’t control. But they are equals, so look them in the eye. If you are looking up at them on a pedestle, of course it will seem that they are looking dowm.
The best way to get some perspective is to go do some volunteering or work with people with far less than you. The summer is coming up. I can’t tell if you are a HS or college student, but doing that will take you out of the distortive bubble in which where you are attending school or have attended school is paramount.
Tough love is not going to help a depressed person “just snap out of it.”
I’ll try one more time–I don’t care what other people think. It doesn’t matter if anyone thinks their school is better than mine. What matters is how I feel–I feel bad. How others act confirms how I feel. I’ve spoken to professionals about this. It’s not that I’m sick or crazy. Why is my school ranked lower than other schools if the education/school isn’t inferior? Something must be better about them.
And if you’re not mature enough to acknowledge reality (like my friends and peers), then maybe you shouldn’t be in college at all. You don’t get to decide that something is great just because you say so, or because it makes you uncomfortable to acknowledge reality.
Do you really think, being in the minority on this thread as you are, that others are the ones “not mature enough to acknowledge reality”? Really?
The fact that you “feel bad” has to do with YOU. It does not have to do at all with the fact that your school is “ranked lower than other schools”. It does not mean that your peers are lesser than, that you are superior, or that the education is inferior. You are the one ignoring reality here.
Perhaps you should consider venting your thoughts in a well written column in your local paper. Our local paper has a “young people” section or something like that in which D’s classmates have submitted pieces about their HS and college app experiences.
You might accomplish both the airing of your thoughts and feelings (if that is your goal) and get some reactions (though those are going to be considerably less thoughtful than what you are getting here).
Try writing to Dear Abby. Or to US News and demand that they rank your school better for the sake of your ego. Why does your school have to be the best in order for you to be happy? Can you find nothing else to be happy about?
Well no, I can’t be happy about anything else. The whole point of school is to get a good education. Should I be happy about all the nonsense my school parades around to distract from the fact they have mediocre academics and unsuccessful students and alumni?
What is your definition of “success”? Is every single student that graduates from the school unemployed or not pursuing higher education?
I find it hard to believe that an education at a top-100 college is “mediocre” when there are about 4,726 colleges and universities in the country. Do you realize that an institution in the top 100 is still in about the top 3% of colleges and universities in the country? Do you really not realize how ridiculous this sounds or how fortunate you really are?
I’m having a hard time believing that this post is legit. I get the feeling some here are taking the hook, the line and sinker as they are being played like a banjo.