I agree with sending a letter to your first choice school IF AND ONLY IF it is true, subject to FA if that’s a factor. There have been people on this forum who have thought it acceptable to send “first choice” letters to multiple schools, which is truly bad form. I also think there should be separate first choice letters from the applicant and his/her parents, both making clear to the school that admission will result in attendance.
I think there is a fine line between pandering and showing interest while being aloof. My son was fortunate to have been accepted everywhere. He showed interest (emails, attending visit days, speaking to current students) but did not go overboard.
I’m not sure if @sgopal2 is saying that a first choice letter is “pandering;” it’s not. Schools pay attention to yield and AO’s find it helpful to know if their school is a first choice, similar to ED declarations at University. Having said that, if @sgopal2 is saying a light touch with AO communication is the right touch, I couldn’t agree more. If a First Choice letter is longer than a few lines, it would be off the mark.
This is just my opinion but I do think a FC letter has a desperate vibe . Let’s go through the steps:
You’ve researched and contacted the school for an interview and set a tour date. Then you’ve traveled (sometimes a long distance), interviewed/toured - maybe met with a coach or two, too- and hopefully (when you returned home) sent a lovely Thank You note to the AO and an email to your student tour guide. Check.
Next- you write your essays, complete the app and pull together all the recs. Parents complete their portion of the app, pay the fee (yay) and together you hit the submit button (hurray!)… and you need to send a FC letter on top of all of that? Why?
Whatever happened to having a little confidence in everything you’ve done up until this point? Isn’t a FC letter a little like stating the obvious? Overkill? Of course you want to go- who wouldn’t! If it’s a Top Ten School - the line forms to the left.
Why wouldn’t a supremely confident applicant want to be a free agent- especially on M10? This isn’t ED -this isn’t even close to ED - these are (for the most part) 8th graders declaring their undying love via a FC letter because a parent ( I can almost guarantee you) thought it was a good idea.
If you want to show your hand ( with a FC letter) and help a school with their yield be my guest- but have you ever asked yourself: What’s in it for me?
I say keep your power ( and self-respect ) and save the FC letter if (God forbid) you’re waitlisted. That’s when you’ll need it and when it might actually HELP you.
( Disclaimer: This is not directed at anyone- Just throwing my two cents out there 
)
I think PhotographerMom has a very good point. Save the FC letter in case you’re waitlisted.
Would it be a good idea to tell the school that it is the only school I am applying to? It sort of is like first choice in a way. I just want to let them know how much I like the school.
@vanillapuff - Did you convey all the wonderful things you love about Exeter in a Thank-You note? Because if you did- it’s already in your file.
I guess my big question is: What do you hope/ think that will accomplish? Look- in my mind you’ve already done all the heavy lifting and demonstrated interest . If you want to tell a highly selective school that they’re the only game in town- that’s between you and your parents but I believe that a strong application has already done that for you.
to the original question, from a few years ago for a well know school http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/872230-andover-admission-process-with-photos.html
Good stuff Fork. Thanks.
I miss threads where there is a good, honest back and forth! We used to have them all the time! Basically, I stand by my advocacy of sending a First Choice letter. Having put three children through highly competitive boarding school and college admissions processes, I like the idea of making it clear to the boarding school AO if there is a First Choice designation. The AO’s of these schools are looking at tons of kids of roughly similar skill sets (despite most parents’ belief that their offspring is special). If you’re an AO and you’re looking at, say, five applicants that you like equally, only one of which is going to be moved into the admit pile, it means something to know that one of them wants to go to your school more than any other. That’s the kid I move forward. Everyone wants to be someone’s first choice - human nature, basic psychology.
Now, having said that, there is a matter of taste and presentation, which @PhotographerMom is politely (and correctly) raising. If a First Choice letter is anything more than three or four lines expressing your “early decision,” than it veers into the adjectives “desperate,” or “pandering.” And in answer to photomom’s question “Why wouldn’t a supremely confident applicant want to be a free agent- especially on M10?” The answer is: because the supremely confident applicant (not a fan of the personality those two words suggest) may, in fact, have one school that he or she actually does love more than any other.
My son visited a number of fantastic schools but said to me after the Thacher visit that “this is my favorite place by far. If I get in here, this is where I want to go.” It was an unambiguous First Choice. So what was my parental response? If that’s what you feel, then tell them. It wasn’t more than that and it sure as heck wasn’t coached.
I agree ThacherParent. There is a parallel discussion that was started before this one on First choice letters in Prep school Parents.
The discussion on this thread started because someone noticed a “likely to attend” field on a peripheral computer screen during a news segment.
This confirms that it is important to AOs (at that particular college). The question is whether some boarding schools also consider this when determining accept vs. waitlist. If they do, then what is the best way to let an AO know about it. Someone needs to check off that box as a “yes” or “no.” I think a 3-4 line note will suffice and could make a difference.
Just on an anecdotal note, I didn’t send a first choice letter, and good thing I didn’t, because I flipped and flopped before ultimately deciding. If I had written that FC letter, then I would have felt an obligation to attend that school, and not doing so would have been weighing on my conscience.
It is a bit of a moot point. If you believe that sending a letter is the best thing for your family, then send one. But, there is absolutely no way any of us can tell if that tips the scales. If admitted, an applicant will really not know whether it was the SSAT scores, the sport they play, the FP parents they have, the FC letter or the complete package. At this point, the letter would be more for your own comfort level.
I don’t disagree with @thacherparent’s premise that it could tip the scale on deciding between similar applicants, but how many people have sent such letters in the past only to have the child change their mind at the last minute (or at a re-visit day, these are teenagers, remember?)…if that number is high, then the impact of such a letter will be decreased. It is all a guessing game at this point.
I do, however, believe that a FC letter to a likely school would have more effect than a similar letter sent to a long-shot. But - what do I know?
Make the best application you can to the schools that “fit”. Then, wait for results. As has been said before, that would then be the time for loving a school that loves you. Hopefully, more than one school “loves” you. Good luck.
@ThacherParent - To me a supremely confident applicant = an applicant who left no stone unturned and put his/her best foot forward during the entire app process. In other words- felt confident that there was nothing more he/she could do after they hit the app submit button. Not the best choice of words (for sure) but I hear what you’re saying.
I also appreciate your point of view regarding the FC letter.
Here is an article that I found and previously posted on CC. I enjoyed reading the section on “What’s Most Important?” Even the members of the admissions team differ on what is important item in an applicant file.
Portrait of an Admission - starting on page 6
http://www.admission.org/data/files/gallery/MemberandaPDFs/2012SpringMemberanda72.pdf
In regards to writing a first choice letter, DS did write a letter to one of four schools. And this was to the one school that said a first choice letter made zero difference. Further DW and I questioned whether this school would be the right fit. Fortunately he was wait listed. We knew it was not the right school and EHS was the right school. Flash forward to current and DS couldn’t be more happy at EHS. It’s funny, DS is so glad he did not go to the school that initially was his first choice.
FWIW - DD interviewed 8 schools, applied to three. Even though she has a first choice (which we question again), she did not send a letter. We are hopeful the right school will pick her and if so, it will all work out, even if this school is not her first choice.
With all due respect to @PhotographerMom, who has a lot more experience around here than I do, I know for a fact that faculty at my DD’s school got inquiries as to whether or not she had a first choice (she did not and waited until pretty much the last day to accept). She got into 3 of the 4 schools to which she applied. Only waitlisted at one and our friend (an alum and current parent there) was begging to write a letter to get her in saying “they only wanted to hear it was her first choice”. I wasn’t at all, and we thanked him and demurred and took her off that wait list right away.
So, in any event, based on my family’s experience I would encourage you to let a school know if they are your first choice. Many people are applying to backups, etc. so all submitted applications are not equal and it could give you a leg up if they are on the fence about you. As others have said before, please be real about it. You should only write such a letter to one school and only if you will definitely go if you get in.
Last Saturday we completed school visits for our two kids - 16 total! It turns out they both ended their visits at the same school (a month apart) and they both LOVED it!
The AO that saw K1 said it was his best interview this season. The report from his colleague AO who interviewed K2 was equally positive. K2 saw girls who were smart, shared her style and with whom she identified. K1 was taken with the place. His response on leaving: “wow”!
I asked the AO whether a FC letter could help either applicant: “absolutely if it is true we want to hear from the applicant and we want it written by hand.”
This is a well regarded school that any of us would be proud for our kids to attend. Subsequent contact from various levels of the school: HM, a dean and our AO, encourage us that this may be the beginnings of a fit. Surprisingly, K2 had been leaning toward this school’s main rival as her FC. That may no longer be the case.
With easy access from our home and relatives just 40 minutes away we would LOVE for the kids to have this school as an option. We had always thought it best for our kids to attend different schools. It may turn out that best fit for each is the same place. The brave thing to do as parents is to embrace their choices and desires.
K2 was inclined NOT to like it because K1 was so psyched about it. She got over that quickly - a sign of a mature child. That says something about the warm welcome she enjoyed on campus, and her maturity to lead this process.
S’94
What S’94 described is wonderful but not uncommon. As parents, we watch our kids during this process to see which school(s) capture their imagination and usually have a sense for what school is in top spot leading up app deadlines. Some of us know before reaching the car in the parking lot after an interview/ tour- especially if everything went as beautifully as described above. However…
I’d just like to remind everyone that this (tour/interview) is a two hour snapshot for a 200K + investment. I don’t know about you but I’d like to see how M10 plays out before I’d allow my teenager to declare his/her undying love for only one school. What happens if FC dream school sends a waitlist or rejection letter M10? Do you think a mature teen (who sent the FC letter) can handle that? I’ll give you a solid MAYBE- depending on whether a viable #2 and #3 came through to soften the blow. But even then…
Why not settle ( for now ) that your FC dream school feels exactly the same way about you - and even more so after they read your application?
(Reminder: A glowing report after an interview is fantastic and truly well-deserved but the AO hasn’t even seen the application yet… What they’re doing is encouraging you to apply- which is awesome but try to keep things in perspective: They haven’t had the opportunity to REALLY meet your child yet- through his/her application )
Regardless: If you get accepted to two or three wonderful schools (including your FC) chances are your child ( even though they’ve said they wouldn’t want to… ) will want to go to two ( maybe three ) Revisit Days. You can run but you can’t hide from the excitement of multiple acceptances … and why should you! ( Assuming you actually liked all the schools you applied to ) Why lock yourself in with a FC letter now and miss out on all the wooing and festivities later?
Not to mention another opportunity to see the schools with a fresh set of eyes…especially now that you’re back in the driver’s seat again.
And- let’s not forget: If you’ve sent a FC letter and were accepted to that school you’ve forfeited your right to attend Revisit Day at other schools- right? Right- because the FC letter is your word. Just so we’re all clear…
Parents/applicants thinking about FC letters today aren’t necessarily thinking about Revisit Days tomorrow. It’s interesting how schools can feel one way (to a family) in Fall and then completely different in Spring- Not always but definitely more often than you think. If you choose two schools to revisit you’ll see what I mean. If I had a dime for every time second (or third) choice became first choice…
I’ve seen it happen in my own life (My siblings - no Revisit Days back then but a lot of back and forth! My kids and many nieces and nephews- who attended Revisit Days) and on threads here M10-A10. Checkout threads from last March/April- and you’ll see it, too. It’s like herding cats (and I mean that in the best possible way ).
I really don’t want to sound like a killjoy… As a 3G BS Alum, I’m truly excited for every family beginning this journey. I just want to caution applicants/parents to think (a little bit) further down the road. It’s easy to get swept up when you see all these beautiful boarding schools and everything they have to offer. And- there’s certainly no denying a connection when you feel it. All I’m saying is: Let it play out and see how everything unfolds M10- A10… be enthusiastic but maybe just a little bit guarded , too.
When you write the 5K deposit check (which is non refundable- by the way ) and mail it before the A10 deadline- chances are (by that time) your child will be certain (of their choice) and psyched. And, as the parent writing the check (after you’ve kicked the tires one last time)- so will you! I don’t know about you but (as a parent) I’ve always found comfort in knowing that we followed everything through to the end… whether it was exploring other schools despite an obvious Legacy BS (staring us in the face) or allowing time to choose between two (sometimes three) schools - even if that route ended with a frantic (A9) call to an AO and a check sent via FedEx.
What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger… or something.
So- Stock up on the Purple Pill ( for M10 and Revisit Days) and pass the Beta Blockers (for the deposit check) … You’re in for a (wonderful ) ride.
Just my extremely long- winded two cents…
^ this.
Arguments for not sending a first choice letter because it may or may not help, or because you want to seem more aloof seem somewhat weak to me. If you indicate a first choice, it is almost certain to increase your chances of admission to that school, within a reasonable margin.
However, the above argument for not doing so is very compelling. While it is likely it will increase your chances with that school, it is also a costly trade in option value. The likelihood your son or daughter has enough information and experience to really know for certain that one school is best for them without having gone to all the revisit days is unlikely. So, assuming we are all of the highest integrity, and would never send a first choice letter without being fully committed, I think it bears some long and hard thinking on the costs vs. the benefits.
One sidebar comment on the value of the letter itself. Thinking in a purely game theory manner, if we just assess the value on the binary basis of acceptance or non-acceptance, the benefit of clear indication of preference seems like a pure boost in favor of getting in. However, if we imagine thinking about the affects with financial aid/scholarships in the equation, there may be a better case for the aloof strategy. This is because the financial aid and scholarship awards are not binary in nature. Indicating a straight up preference may in fact reduce the likelihood of a larger award for the same reason it increased your chances of acceptance - they believe you are going to come. Assuming you are able to get in without the FC letter, if the school believes they have to compete to get you, all economic systems and theory would suggest being aloof would create better price competition. Just another angle on this…
Right - I agree @blackbeard. But for full pay applicants, the FC letter/call from principal or coach seems like a smart thing to do on balance IMHO.