<p>I like the style of your first paragraph. It's nice and colloquial... readers will appreciate that in a college application. You may overdo it, at times, however... "mine are so loving", "how come", "grouchy", "totally", in particular. You may look for slightly more formal sounding words for these same ideas. But I think that what you have demonstrates a level of sincerity that won't go unnoticed.</p>
<p>As far as content is concerned, I might recommend adding a second paragraph which explains in more detail what it is in psychology that you want to explore. I know - and the readers of your essay will, too - that you aren't fluent in the language of your field, but you should have some idea of the main areas in psychology. Do you want to be closer to biology (actually what the brain is and how it works) or to sociology (how people interact in groups)? Are you interested in perception and senses (how stimuli are translated by our brains into our awareness of them), memory, learning, languages, abnormal psychology, etc.? Give at least one specific example of something you learned in class that fascinated you, and if possible, say how you learned more about it outside of class. This would be a rock-solid addition to your statement of intellectual interest.</p>
<p>As for the second point, just explain why you think psychology is important. You already did this to a small extent in describing your intellectual interest. You like psychology, presumably because it helps you make sense of the world... how? Why should anybody care if you are an expert at psychology? I can be an expert at any number of made-up disciplines which have nothing to do with reality (underwater basket weaving, etc.) but this doesn't necessarily change the way I look at the world.</p>
<p>For example, I'm a computer science major. If I were to write something like what you need, I might say something like...</p>
<p>Ideas from the field of computer science have profoundly changed the way in which I understand how the world works. Basic concepts from computer science - such as algorithm, efficiency, and logical thought - have applications in everyday activities. For instance, you execute an algorithm every time you get dressed, make breakfast, and start your car; you evaluate the efficiency of various options when you decide how to drive to work in the morning; and you must employ logical thought to do things such as scheduling meetings for next week, creating a budget, or comparing student applications. Furthermore, much of society's functioning has come to depend, in part or in whole, on computers and software systems. The internet, for instance, has revolutionized the ways in which people communicate and disseminate knowledge. Machines - from washing machines to cars to airplanes and cellular telephones - contain computer systems which allow them to work properly. The applicability of computer science concepts to everday life, along with the ubiquitous nature of computer and software systems, are representative of how computer science has shaped the way I look at the world.</p>
<p>I feel like this is a strong paragraph for the second response (others, feel free to criticize... I didn't spend much time on this).</p>
<p>For the third thing, just say why you feel like you deserve to be in the Honors program more than some other guy. Are you hard working? Are you interested in undergraduate research or teaching? Do you belong to associations or interest groups in which you actively participate? Do you have hobbies or interests above and beyond those of which the honors college is already aware? etc. Just tell them why you think you are a good, well-rounded person and why you want to be in the honors college at all. Avoid reasons like "it will look good on a resume". lol.</p>