Set of twins, boy and girl, both get married within the last year. Girl twin lives in same city with parents, boy twin lives in different city.
Both couples are now expecting and due within a week of each other.
Parents of twins and their families offer to throw a dual shower for the two expectant mothers. Girl twin thinks that’s a great idea. Boy twins wife refuses to share a shower. She says they should have separate showers because it should be her special day and should not be shared.
Many of the family members live in different cities and will be traveling for the shower(s).
Because if this the showers are now scheduled a week apart. I will be invited to both, however, I live in the same city so it won’t be difficult for me to attend both.
Some people agree with the one who does not want a dual shower agreeing that it should be her special day.
Several others think it’s selfish.
I am in the selfish camp. Someone offering a shower is offering you a gift. It’s certainly not mandatory to throw a shower. Now many family members will have to travel two weekends in a row or choose one over the other.
This sums it up:
“Someone offering a shower is offering you a gift. It’s certainly not mandatory to throw a shower. Now many family members will have to travel two weekends in a row or choose one over the other.”
This is a sibling situation where many of the same family members are involved. The brother’s wife is going to be there, as half of the celebrated people. No one is going to ignore brother’s wife because her family will also be there. She is likely forcing some members of her husband’s family to choose “sides.”
Interesting responses. Now to add a little more and answer the questions.
Her family lives in the same city where they live and they will be throwing her a separate shower as well as be invited to this shower. They are a big family. Girl twin married a guy from a very small family so they will be included in this shower, thus, girl twin will only have one shower, while, boy twins wife will have two.
The twins mother is from a larger very close family. Their father is also from a larger family. Lots of aunts , none of which live here, thus they have to choose or try to travel two weekends in a row.
I have also just learned that boy twins wife offered only three weekends that would work for her. According to those weekends available, she is now indicating that she also will not be traveling again for girl twins shower (approximately 90 miles) because it is not one of her three available weekends.
Really it is sad that boy twin wife is being so ungracious. I agree a “shower” is not an absolute. Anyone who is offered this gift should be thankful and accommodating. That said, boy twin wife seems to be very particular about this and I bet other things. Best not to dwell on her inflexibility
and be happy for each twin/spouse. At the end of the day boy twin is in the middle and will need to support his wife and you will want to be part of the new little one’s life.
Off hand I’m surprised anyone would travel for a baby shower at all. I’m trying to think of anyone who came from out of town to mine. Maybe my mom/sister? But mostly each of our workplaces gave us one. And I had to laugh at my workplace’s. I was the first woman they ever hired, so the first in my office to have a baby. A bunch of men planning something? They wanted to have it on my due date lol.
Long story short. I’m in the one shower camp. I was just happy to be given anything.
I’m just a close friend of the family. That’s why I find it interesting and hearing both sides of the argument. Mother of the twins is handling it fine and just realizes it is what it is. As I said she is very close with her sisters and they will all want to travel, but just may not be able to.
Girl twin is more upset than mother especially since her sister in law wants her own shower, but is also indicating she doesn’t have time to travel for the other shower.
Without knowing family dynamics it’s difficult to tell. It can go both ways but I think it’s up to expectant mother to decide. I think it is reasonable to ask for separate parties
Super selfish. Falls within the bridezilla category. These grandparents are going to be dancing a lot on their tiptoes around the “special” princess in law.
I’m in the category don’t look in the gifted horse’s mouth and just be happy someone is doing something celebratory for you.
Just based on the fact this expectant mother has limited weekends available I think she should think about the guests’ availability and go for the combined shower. Especially since it sounds like she’ll have a shower on her side of the family. Sounds a bit me me me.
I think boy twins wife has the right to be selfish - for like one minute- and then realize that it would silly to have two showers and that on the day of the event she won’t give It a thought!
Also, the family can probably make the shower personal to both expectant couples I. Some way. Oh, notice what I just said! COUPLES are having these babies, not just the women! Did the fathers give any input?
Finally thought. It could become a real disaster if they have separate showers and then roll call shows that one had more family show up than another, or one had “fav aunt” show but not the other, etc
Because with two weekend days involved you are going to increase the chances of fewer people being able or WILLING to attend both as opposed to one.
And who wants to play favorites if you really can only come one day???
Or the first one ends up with a lot of COVID-19 (either at the shower or due to the travel to and from it), resulting in some of those who intended to go to both not being able to go to the second one.
I think much of this depends on how much the actual guest list overlaps. If it’s family ONLY that would make a difference but add in friends, co-workers invited etc. and it’s a new ballgame. And there is no way to say anything about “available dates” and make a judgement–there can be a lot of good reasons and not necessarily open to public discussion.
If I was twin’s wife I’d probably try to show up for SIL shower for family and then have another on my own.
You can’t please everyone and baby showers aren’t something to worry about in the long run. I do think they should be for an individual and only combined if the guest list is truly mutual.
The guest list is truly mutual, many aunts and good family friends (me) who will be invited to both.
Her family will be invited but most won’t come because they are having their own shower for her.
Girl twins in-laws will be invited which only consists of mother in law and one sister in law.
Also, if she has limited weekends and knows she won’t be able to make her husbands twins shower, wouldn’t it make even more sense to agree to the dual shower?
My wife tried to please everyone for family gatherings. She drove herself nuts (and me). Once we had kids she changed. She gave everyone a time, place, and menu. Take it or leave it. You can’t please everyone all the time.
I’ll say the SIL isn’t necessarily in the wrong for wanting her day but some flexibility would be nice. When you marry someone you get their family too. Also, these babies will be cousins. Wouldn’t it be nice to start them off on the right foot?
If the girls parents are throwing her a shower then why not just let that be her only shower and call it a day. Obviously the husband’s family should be invited to her shower but to me it’s silly to throw a separate shower by both of the couple’s parents.
This is one of those things that isn’t a hill to die on, for anyone. We are all coming from 20-30 years past this stage of our lives so we can see this is kind of ridiculous. Remember how obnoxious new parents can be? They must sleep now, they can’t eat that, give them flashcards, blah blah blah. First-time expectant parents, too.
I’m willing to cut the twin’s wife some slack. I always want to hear the other side. Maybe the twin son is not good at setting boundaries and the wife feels like he doesn’t have her back so she’s trying to establish parameters. Hard to say from what’s been written here.
