I think two showers is fine. Girl twin’s family throws her a shower and invites the whole twin family, of course including boy twin and his wife.
Boy twin’s wife’s family should throw her a shower, too, but she should absolutely go to girl twin’s shower. That is what is wrong here to me.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the family of origin for the moms to be throwing the shower or a friend of the moms to be, but it’s all kinds of wrong for the sisters-in-law not to be at each other’s shower unless one of them is in the hospital.
I don’t think it’s a big deal if she wants to have her own shower. BUT, it sounds like she already is having another shower with her family…so in that case I’m not sure why she couldn’t share this one. I think it’s probably a bigger hassle that the 2 are just 1 weekend apart. I would be more likely to travel a ways for 2 showers if I had a little break between them. Going 2 weekends in a row would be more of a hassle.
Why not have one Saturday and one Sunday, or one Friday night and one Saturday, during the same weekend? Baby showers are really not that fun, as a guest I would rather just go to one with two gifts.
A shower is traditionally supposed to be for the expectant mother though nowadays I suppose it’s for the couples overall too. I guess the parents want to celebrate both twins’ babies so I do get that. But if the twin boy’s wife doesn’t want a combined shower they should just let her have the one her family is already throwing and attend that only. Plus it’s where she lives, and I really would be put off by asking family to travel for my shower. This is just a whole lot of drama!
I agree with this but I would also give her a pass if she had to work. When I had mine, I had to protect every hour of leave time in order to be able to afford the measly maternity leaves I had.
So boy twin’s wife will have to travel 90 minutes each way to attend girl twin’s shower? Obviously she’d still have her own shower because you can’t expect her friends and family to drive a total of 3 hours for a baby shower. If she is okay with the fact that her husband’s family will miss her shower because it’s out of town, I don’t think she should be forced to attend both.
I’m in the selfish camp. Sounds like the boy twin’s wife gets an “extra” shower out of this since her family is already throwing another one and not attending the other twin’s shower seems spiteful.
PS. I also would not travel any great distance for a baby shower.
I have not heard of people, beyond perhaps the parents/siblings of the expectant couple, being invited to TWO showers for the same baby! Why would BT’s wife’s family be invited to the shower given by his family? Even for extended family, I would not attend more than one shower (especially if one involved a 3 hour drive).
Otherwise, I can see how two showers would be fine. My friend had a combined shower for her two daugthers that were expecting the same month, but I would have gone to one for each of them. (It ended up being virtual anyway due to covid).
While this makes the BT’s wife sound selfish, there may be more to the story. Sounds like she has a lot of full weekends and who knows why?
I’m reading this differently, it sounds like boy twin’s wife just wants her own shower, in her own area, with her family and friends, and doesn’t want 2 showers.
And I don’t see anything wrong with two separate showers. We know siblings (not twins) who had babies very close to each other. Two showers. The only duplicate invites went to the mothers and grandmothers on both sides. Not anyone else.
I’m with you on not traveling for a shower. I have missed many many extended family events including showers and engagement parties and housewarmings because between work and kids’ schedules and my local family/friend obligations, I don’t get a lot of “me” time. I could not see traveling 3 hours plus the time at the event to basically say hi to a few people and play some games. I sent a gift, that was my well wishing. And honestly, a lot of my family didn’t get it and likely thought I was selfish. So be it.
That said, if boy twin’s wife works she too could be in that camp. Maybe she doesn’t just not want combined shower but maybe she doesn’t want the second shower period. Because between work, her own in town shower, and getting ready for baby, maybe she just wants to enjoy the free time she has left? Lord knows she’s not getting that again for at least 18 years ! So I can’t really blame her for that, if that’s her mindset.
I had the same due date as my SIL (my husband’s brother’s wife). It was my first baby and her fourth baby. So that dynamic was awkward because she had had a bunch of big showers over the years and was pretty over it by then.
My friends hosted a shower for me in my own town 2 hours a way and my family was invited. SIL was invited but did not attend. There was no shower or even a cheerful toast for me on DH’s side of the family. I think they gave the baby gifts? I’ll admit at the time I was miffed because it was our first baby. I wanted the hoopla. But looking back I should have been thrilled and content with the one lovely shower my friends threw.
The kids were born a week apart and grew up together and it was great. A boy and a girl. I wish they were still as close now that they are young adults but it wasn’t to be.
I see this situation as the twin’s family offering to host a shower for both new moms and the DIL declining since she will have a shower in her own town. Both new moms should attend each other’s shower if invited and if at all possible in the interest of good will and future relations. As well as the mom of the twins.
Selfish, if 2 showers are likely happening for her and she still insists that the one from her in-laws be on her terms.
Practical, if she only wants the one shower that will be hosted by her side of the family or her friends, and wants that on her own terms.
From the OP, it sounds like it is the former scenario, that she would like both showers and be the star of each one by herself. Without knowing her, that would my guess.
A shower thrown for you by someone else is a gift! I planned several for my friends when we were younger and I know how much work they entailed.
I also had 2 shared showers: one thrown by my classmates for me and my classmate’s wife (same due date) and one given by DH’s colleagues for me and another of their colleagues (due 3 weeks apart). I appreciated both efforts and enjoyed my share of the limelight, as much as it is possible for an introvert to do so in such a situation.
I re-read the OP’s posts and it does look like she will be getting two showers on her own. What threw me was the fact that the girl’s family will be invited to both, which I believe is a no-no. The purpose of a shower is literally to give gifts, to invite folks yo more than one shower is to ask for multiple gifts. It is really not a celebration, which is why most women typically only get a shower for their first child. It’s a gift grab, a socially accepted gift grab.
That’s not the case at all. Boy twins wife called her mother in law and said “When is my shower and I don’t want to share with girl twin because I want the day to be about me”
She then offers a few weekends, all inconvenient for the hosts. Hosts agree to what she wants and plans separate showers for each expectant mother, then she says she won’t be attending girl twins shower because she doesn’t have time.
That’s why I’m in the selfish camp. She is getting her own shower with her family, but is dictating what her husbands family should do for the shower they are hosting, while also discounting the girl twin and her preferences. The shower will be primarily the twins extended family. There will be no friends of boy twins wife invited. Girl twin would prefer to share and have her sister in law there to celebrate with her together while boy twins wife wants to celebrate herself with the in laws and is not willing to budge to help celebrate sister in law.
I get what people are saying about traveling but this is a very close extended family and they travel for all sorts of niece and nephew occasions including grade school and high school sports. But boy twins wife is acting like she is the only one that has a busy schedule. I will attend both, however, it’s not like I would choose to give up two weekends in a row given the choice.
D1 and her sister-in-law got married within few months of each other. Her husband’s family got together every Thanksgiving, so the mother organized one shower for both D1 and the daughter. She invited their side of family and their friends.
Both women were fine with it because they weren’t going to ask their relatives to travel twice.
I did throw a separate shower for my side of family and D1’s friends.
I personally think the SIL is being quite selfish because she has no consideration for people’s time (and money). Her side of family can host a separate shower if they want.
Nope. They have a healthy close relationship. I’m very good friends with mother of the twins, she does not push nor have expectations. She readily agreed to the daughter in laws wishes and would never say anything to the couple involved.
Strangely enough, it is boy twins wife’s family who is pushy about get togethers. I have known some of her family since high school. Their expectation is that all kids will be at their house every Sunday for dinner, no exceptions without prior approval. Boy twin and girl twin planned a surprise party for their mother then after wife agreed to the date she made other plans and they could not go. I love this girl and this couple. I’ve known boy twin since he was born. He will and does (as he should) stick up for his wife and goes along with what she wants.
We have twins in our family. One set always wanted a joint birthday. The other set had two birthdays. No one tried to convince them to make it more convenient.
IMO, showers, weddings, birthdays and other important dates don’t have to be shared. It’s not selfish. And convenience should take a back seat to the desires of what the expectant couple wants, not the convenience of the relatives. Have two showers on the same weekend. No big deal.
I wouldn’t share my wedding and I wouldn’t share a baby or wedding shower even if I was a twin.
! So I can’t really blame her for that, if that’s her mindset.