Interview Mistake

<p>As a former lurker, I have come to appreciate the collective wisdom of those on the parents forum. For this reason, I'm asking all of you for advice in this matter.</p>

<p>I think I made a pretty bad interview mistake. Let me first say that I'm sorry if any of you do not approve of what I did. I'm not sure if I even approve; I simply couldn't see a better option.</p>

<p>My alumni interviewer is the parent of one of my former teammates on a sports team. When she asked me about my activities, I obviously mentioned the sport, as it is very important to me. However, I recently quit because of problems with the coach and how the team was run. I still love this sport and miss it very much, but unfortunately, it just wasn't worth what I had to put up with.</p>

<p>I won't go into this any further here, as I'm not looking for validation in my choice to leave the team. It was definitely right for me and I do not regret it. However, I was not able to find a way to mention it in my interview. I wasn't sure exactly how to go about bringing it up.</p>

<p>I'm starting to feel incredibly stupid for doing this. The interviewer will obviously find out and it does not exactly show integrity on my part. I certainly did not intend to mislead him and am not ashamed of quitting.</p>

<p>Its an interview for a highly selective school and I do not expect to get in either which way, but I also want to be true to myself and not feel like I misrepresented myself in any way.</p>

<p>Should I come clean? I could write her an email or give her a call and explain it to her, but I don't really want to highlight this or make her think its something I need to compensate for.</p>

<p>Just quickly send her an e-mail thanking her for the interview, emphasizing your interest in the college and appreciation of anything that she said during the interview that you found interesting or informative about the college. In your note, also say that you want to make sure that she realizes that you are no longer on the team -- that you didn't want to accidentally mislead her about this.</p>

<p>did you specifically lie and say that you're on the team in question? my thought with this is that if, say, she asked about your hobbies and you mentioned "basketball" rather than "the eagles," you would be fine. that is, i'm assuming, if you still enjoy the sport you recently quit?</p>

<p>i'm not necessarily trying to help you find a loophole, just trying to point out various ways the question could be interpreted by you or by her. while lying by omission is certainly still lying, i would say in this case if that was all you did then you probably don't need to really worry about it. </p>

<p>did you guys talk a lot about your sport or did you lead her to believe that you were still on the team? if it was just a comment made in passing, then i definitely wouldn't worry about it.</p>

<p>chances are, she's not stressing about that comment as much as you are. if you're really worried about it, take northstarmom's advice and drop her a nice e-mail. there's definitely nothing wrong with thanking your interviewers (i always did) and clearing the air could leave you with a lot of peace of mind.</p>

<p>The key lies in the details of this graf:</p>

<p>"My alumni interviewer is the parent of one of my former teammates on a sports team. When she asked me about my activities, I obviously mentioned the sport, as it is very important to me. However, I recently quit because of problems with the coach and how the team was run. I still love this sport and miss it very much, but unfortunately, it just wasn't worth what I had to put up with."</p>

<p>If you said "Sport X has always been very important to me and taught me blah, blah, blah" then I don't think you misrepresented anything because that's all true, right? In that case, I agree with doing what nsm said and send a follow-up thank-you and casually mention you wanted to make sure he knew you have left your most recent team.</p>

<p>If you said "I love the Eagles. I'm starting forward and am on track to avg. 16 points and seven assists this season" then there is a bigger problem. </p>

<p>Either way, you need to come clean. I suspect what you said is more like the first example and your conscience is working overtime. Care to clarify?</p>

<p>I also think it depends on whether you misled her into thinking you are currently on the team; "I love playing basketball; it's been one of my main activities during high school" is not a lie if you played the other three years. If you said anything like "I'm on the basketball team" that would be weird and you might want to send her a thank you note correcting the error. If it is necessary to send a note, do it right away; when I do alum interviews I write up the interview and send it in pretty quickly.</p>

<p>Hello - Let's see if I've got this right. You were on a sports team. Your interviewer has a son on the same team. You left the team. After you left the team you spoke with the interviewer. You didn't make clear to the interviewer that you had left the team. And now you're concerned that your leaving the team may come up in conversation between the interviewer and her son. Is that right?</p>

<p>I think you should never have been interviewed by someone whom you knew or had any other connections with you.</p>

<p>But this is water under the bridge. I suggest following NSMs advice. You may want to add that you are no longer on the team for personal reasons. For all you know, her son may agree with you about the coach.</p>

<p>I think you have gotten some great advice. The thank you note is the perfect opportunity to "fine tune" anything you previously said. Hopefully your memory is clear on how the conversation went. Depending on whether you omitted info of out right lied you will want to address it differently.</p>

<p>Hello everyone! Sorry if my initial post was unclear. The problem is I'm a little confused on the details of the situation myself.</p>

<p>I can say, however, that I did not specifically lie. We discussed the sport in question and my accomplishments on the team. We established that I knew her kid through our mutual participation in this sport. I definitely did not say anything about current membership. I was also careful to alter my resume to show the change, but the interviewer did not end up taking it. However, the more that I think about it, she probably assumed that I am currently participating and that part feels like a lie, even if that wasn't my intention.</p>

<p>I am somewhat afraid that it will come up between my interviewer and her son, but it is more that I want to be truthful. As I mentioned before, if I do not get into this school, it will probably not be because of an interview blunder but instead as a result of ridiculous selectivity. I wanted to bring up leaving the team during the interview, but I wasn't really sure how to or if I even should.</p>

<p>marite, I thought it was okay that she interviewed me because we had never met. Maybe I should have requested a different interviewer.</p>

<p>I think I will follow Northstarmom's advice. I need to get to writing a thank-you anyway and mentioning the situation will probably do a lot to clear my head. Thanks for all the replies. When I came across this situation, I thought: this is exactly the sort of neurotic thing people post about on CC!</p>

<p>Good luck with your applications. I do think it is unwise for interviewers with direct or indirect connections with interviewees to do interviews. As you can see, she could get a very different story from her son. Other interviewees do not have to contend with that situation, for good or bad.</p>

<p>Just do what NSM suggests is my opinion. Close with thanking her for the interview and comment on some small things she revealed to you about this college that was of interest.
Everyone realizes that college interviews are stilted and it is easy to lose your train of thought. You should come up with one or two sentences at most on this subject of leaving an EC that you found to be defining for you...and don't deviate from your two sentences....just something very simple and truthful when ever you need to both express that this sport was a meaningful part of your life lessons, and a simple statement about leaving it for the time being. Don't get into the he said she saids about this coach, but do be ready with a comment on why this sport was such a good use of your time and focus for a significant time in your life.<br>
My best advice for interviews is that people want to be around positive energy..so although you should be reflective, this is not the setting to air any laundry lists of what you are dissatisfied with in any sport or class.</p>

<p>The short cut to measuring mental health in my view is to see if the person you interview has "general positive regard for others" and themselves. This outlook of being someone who encourages yourself and others well... is what you want in a college community. People who value others and themselves tend to create positive energy</p>

<p>" I do think it is unwise for interviewers with direct or indirect connections with interviewees to do interviews."</p>

<p>I agree, and that's why when my sons were in high school, I never interviewed students from their high school. I think it's wrong when interviewers deliberately arrange interviews with students whom they know. I've seen that happen and backfire, too. </p>

<p>Since, however, there are a limited number of volunteer interviewers, and coincidences abound, and many towns are small, there will be times in which there's no way to avoid interview situations in which the interviewer has a direct or indirect relationship with a student. I don't think it would be a good idea to request a different interviewer because that person may be the only one available.</p>