<p>I’m surprised by all this winking and nudging. Our admissions office threatens all teachers and coaches (to a borderline insulting level) at the bottom of all correspondence: DO NOT MAKE ANY COMMENTS OR PREDICTIONS AS TO THE LIKELIHOOD OF THE APPLICANT BEING ACCEPTED! NOTHING IS DECIDED YET AND PROMISES OR PREDICTIONS MUST NOT BE MADE TO APPLICANTS BEFORE THE ADMISSIONS REVIEW COMMITTEE CONVENES!</p>
<p>And this is why I never learned to wink.</p>
<p>Yeah, I got a personalized note from Hotchkiss and Loomis. Does it really mean nothing?</p>
<p>Darn.</p>
<p>It only means nothing as a means of prognostication. As an expression of sentiment, it’s probably pretty genuine.</p>
<p>Admissions Folks are friendly and outgoing types who really like adolescents. Whether or not they are following a form letter, they really did enjoy meeting you and having a conversation with you. The problem is, they have a delightful experience speaking with hundreds of kids every year, and so their delight in you in those moments (while real) may not guarantee you a spot. I say enjoy those personal notes, but don’t read into them.</p>
<p>For that, seek out an ornithomantist.</p>
<p>Last year, we got personal notes from everyone-- as did everyone else we knew who was applying. It didn’t mean much. I do know one “wink” that clearly meant something: a friend of my DS got told by a not-so-hidden gem that if he would commit to saying that school was his first choice and he would go there if he was admitted, they would make sure he had money. This was sometime in late January or early February. The family told the school it was very high on their son’s list (which it was), but they couldn’t absolutely commit. He was then WL at that school, with a note saying they’d take him if he would go FP (which he absolutely could not do-- and they knew it). He’s currently happy at another hidden gem, where he got a very good FA package. But sometimes, I guess it’s more than a wink.</p>
<p>“I doubt any interviewer would say anything to discourage a candidate from applying, no matter how unappealing the candidate is. They still want the candidate to apply to bolster the applicant numbers to achieve a sexy, low admit rate.”</p>
<p>Sadly, this is very true, and I find it depressing. That schools would deliberately encourage students who have zero chances of getting admitted to continue the process of application seems cruel, but I don’t doubt for one minute that it happens more often than it should. One of the things that attracted us to the one school our son chose to apply to was the fact that they don’t only expect their students to act with integrity, they practice it as well. At least from what we’ve experienced so far. They all seemed very eager on, say, Open House day, encouraging everyone to apply, and I get that - they’re selling themselves in order to get the best, and hopefully financially endowed, students. But on both Visit Day and on Moosieboy’s interview day, they seemed very realistic. They gave us the real deal - over 300 kids applying for only 30 spots. OUCH! Nothing is certain, the more info the better, retake the SSAT only if you feel you want to, but doesn’t always help or hurt one way or the other, etc. I feel they’ve been quite blunt, to say the very least, but always with kindness and encouragement. I really was impressed with our AO giving us the truth, even though it scared us and almost made us quit the application process halfway through. It was depressing to find out that there are at least 10 students per spot available - it’s a tiny school, after all, with a very high retention rate from middle to high school. But I really did appreciate them not giving Moosieboy false hope - just realistic hope: you’re a very impressive candidate, though there are many great candidates, best of luck, etc.</p>
<p>The one thing I did find encouraging, though I can’t say it was necessarily a “nudge,” but one of the teachers on the Admissions board who met Moosieboy in passing the first time we visited continued to remember his name every time we saw him. And he remembered Moosieboy loved Latin and piano, so he made sure our tour guide for Visit day was a kid with similar interests. Turns out our guide was an intern at Moosieboy’s summer piano intensive camp and remembered him well. So he took him to meet one other teacher on the Admissions board, who actually commented on Moosieboy to friends of his who are students there already. Again, it’s a super small school, but all those things did feel encouraging, even though we know at the end they probably just mean they’re super friendly and good with names/faces. But at least it felt good to be recognized and mentioned 
It would just be unwise to hang hopes onto a nudge, an off-the-cuff comment, a hand-written note, etc, and could just lead to a huge disappointment come M10 :(</p>
<p>I got a nudge from my AO saying that he would love to advocate for my candidacy and that I’m a “Star Recruit” for the school… Does that still mean nothing?</p>
<p>This thread is another shining example of people asking questions until they hear what they want to hear vs. listening to the actual experiences/advice of people who have gone through the process before.</p>
<p>I think I’ve shared this somewhere on the forum already but the AO at Choate told my wife and I that s/he “Could see 7D1 being the captain of the archery team” (daughter had even sat in on an archery team practice because she had taken an intro course at home and enjoyed it). Needless to say, Choate rejected her come M10.</p>
<p>@SevenDad Straight up rejection? Not even a waitlist? This shows how arbitrary and fickle some of these comments really are. I’ll admit that when this thread was first started I was shocked by everyone’s “negativity” and refused to believe them. Now, I see what the parents meant. Thank God I learned this way, or some of the heartbreaks of M10 would’ve hurt a lot more.</p>
<p>STRAIGHT UP REJECTION.</p>
<p>If you haven’t read my thread about her search/apply/matriculation process a few years ago, I want to reinforce that my older daughter had a very strong application profile: 2350+ SSAT, Honor Roll at rigorous and “known” private day school, good interviewer (very comfortable talking to adults), extremely supportive parents, etc.</p>
<p>The parents on this forum are not trying to be negative. We are just being realistic.</p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with feeling good about hearing positive comments-- I actually don’t believe AOs are just trying to boost their numbers and they DON’T say these comments to everyone, based on our experience and the experience of many of my son’s friends. But these comments, as everyone has said, are NOT an indication of an admissions decision. If you’re getting in, you might get such comments. But you also might get them because of a good interview or overall good application. The AO is probably sincere in their positive view and interest-- but they make these comments at a point at which they haven’t seen everybody yet, and you’re getting comments from one person on the admissions team (and most schools have 3 readers for each application). So no decision has been made yet, and, even if that AO does advocate for you, it doesn’t mean you’ll get in. A friend of my son’s got winks from people at 2 schools after interviews–at schools where he was later rejected, and he was told by another school that they would give him an excellent financial aid award if he’d commit to that school being his first choice–and he wouldn’t lie, said he liked the school but couldn’t say it was his first choice, and later got WL. It all worked out for him-- he’s happy at a hidden gem, but the “we can so see your son here and I so loved our interview” comments did not indicate admission. So go ahead and feel good-- it means the AO DID like you (NOT everyone gets told they’re loved), but don’t take it as a commitment. Really.</p>
<p>The two schools most effusive about DS (all the same positive feedback, cards, over-the-top comments etc. as listed above) both rejected him outright.</p>
<p>The then new director of admissions at SPS who interviewed my daughter, now a Choate student, said right in the interview that she wasn’t what they were looking for. ???I was flabbergasted. The kid was a straight A student with top SSAT scores, loads of national awards and great ECs. She was asking about hockey and their team at the time, I think. He didn’t expand. It only served to make her work harder on her written app which came after her face to face interview. She was wait-listed. As my H says, “their loss.” But still, I consider it BAD MANNERS. We drove all the way up there to take a look at their school, the least they could do was consider her FULL application. I don’t think they should be rejecting kids before they have even seen the teacher recs, official transcript and SSAT scores.</p>
<p>RBGG: Choate’s gain! </p>
<p>That would have ticked me off. I must say, the school that is lowest on my personal list now is the one where everyone rushed us. I drove over nine hours that day to be hustled in and out in less than an hour and a half.</p>
<p>Thanks ChoatieMom. It’s been 2 years, and it still leaves me puzzled why he would say that before he even knew her credentials.</p>
<p>Maybe the rude SPS AO was having a bad day-- his goldfish died or something…</p>
<p>@redbluegoldgreen, please, hear me out, I do not want to defend or offend anyone, but may be it was a blessing in disguise? If the school does not like your child (or you) when they meet you face to face, isn’t it better to know it without false expectations and crushed hopes and dreams at the end? I would rather hear that (and my child) instead of “oh, you/your kid is exactly what our school is looking for/needs” and then get WL or R on M10? It is a very competitive, time consuming and nerve wrecking process, so while it is upsetting, as you have mentioned, the result was as he told you:). It looks like your kid did find the school that loves him/her, so it is wonderful.</p>
<p>@gingerella: RBGG has been through this rodeo before, and I’m sure feels that the incident reflects more poorly on the SPS than it doe on his/her child.</p>
<p>@SevenDad, this is why I’ve expressed my opinion, I would prefer this kind of approach and I have experienced it in the in the past with my kids, so I was coming from my personal experience as well as logistics of the whole process.</p>
<p>When we were applying to schools the school had to impress us- not the other way around. If they fell short ( as RBGG described or in some other way ), I couldn’t rationalize the effort and application fee. In order for me to part with $65.00… I’m sorry, but you have to woo me . That said, AO’s send messages all the time. Some are as subtle as a sledgehammer while others may gently offer names of other schools that might be a better fit. It’s a tough business, but either way they’re sending a message. The flipside of that would be to go ahead and submit the application in spite of an unpleasant experience ( We’ll show them! Wait until they see you on paper!!), but honestly… if it doesn’t feel right, why in the world would you do it? </p>
<p>Some BS AO’s have been around forever and do their job quite well. Most can size up an applicant and their parents in 5 minutes or less. If this happens to anyone else down the road- my simple recommendation would be to write a Thank You note (as painful as that sounds) and move on.</p>