Is it bad to ask my wealthy 90 yr old grandpa to help me pay for college?

35K is what a middle class family would be expected to pay for college, so your parents will pay no more than that. That is a state of mind, not of money, unless there is something else going on, and that is your and the college’s business not ours.

I grew up blue collar, father out of work sometimes, my best friend grew up EFC of 0, free lunches the works. We both now do rather well, around 150K per year per family, and consider ourselves upper middle class with enough to pay for our children’s college. EFC is around 35K for that income level.

Just because I grew up lower middle class at best, and my best friend in poverty, and we both have relatives in jail, relatives who died below 40 from drugs or alcohol, and otherwise some of the trashiest relatives you can think of, doesn’t mean that we are still lower middle class and in poverty. We are upper middle class. Because of our incomes and where we live. We would be upper class = rich in certain areas of the US. But we would not be middle class or lower anywhere in the US.

The distinction is that if someone used only three classes, lower, middle, and upper, based on income, your family and my family would both fall in upper class according to many colleges.

I assume your family is similar to ours, in that we spend a lot of money taking care of an elderly relative, and we would have to spend a lot of time to gather appropriate paperwork to prove it. BUT we made sure to mention this on our FA forms, and if necessary, we would have requested to meet the college’s FA office about extenuating circumstances. It is highly likely that our finances will change significantly if our relative’s health worsens. And then we will contact the college’s FA office. Or, my son might have to change colleges.

This has nothing to do with you in particular, but I am amazed, after coming here, how recklessly many Americans spend their money.

Well, the milk and honey ain’t free!

Personally, I think that the decision to have a discussion with grandpa should be on your parents not you. On paper, your parents appear to have a high income (that most would consider above middle class) or high assets or both. If I was grandpa, I would wonder why they didn’t save or be willing to borrow for college and why he should pick up the tab. There could me many valid reasons why, some which you might know nothing about. For these reasons, I feel that your parents should take the lead in any discussions.

Your parents could also offer to borrow the money from their father. Then when the time comes, it can be repaid from any inheritance that there might be. This avoids any hard feelings that future heirs might feel if grandpa just gives you the money.

I also recommend that whatever happens (loan or gift) that it is in writing. That could save a lot of headaches for the executor when the time comes.

Don’t assume just because you’re the “shining star”, you deserve the money more than the others. He could decide to help the other grandkids because he may see them needing the money more. You? You’re the shining star - you’ll do fine without his help.

So, you can ask but don’t expect a “yes”. If you know, you can’t afford the expensive colleges in two years, then you’re applying to the wrong colleges. Really. It’s that simple.

"My mom is paying to take care of her mother for about $12000 per year, but she does have not have any documents to prove it, so she chose to exclude that. "

This is a personal choice and financial aid offices would not take it into account. A few schools MIGHT make a choice to consider it if you are lucky.

You NEED to look at schools that you can afford to attend. If you are so high achieving that you “deserve” to go to a top tier school, then you will do well wherever you attend. THOUSANDS of students - many smarter and more deserving than you, perhaps - attend state schools and schools with generous merit aid.

Surely your grandfather knows that you are planning to go to college and knows your financial situation. If he CHOOSES to help you; that’s great. But it takes a lot of nerve to ask: “Hey grandpa, can you put this money in the bank for me in case you die in the next couple of years?” ( “@thumper1 he’s 90. I don’t know if he will be around that long. I figured that if my parents were to ask and he said yes, he would put it in a special account. Don’t they have special college accounts for that?”)

Your grandfather has many grandchildren and may be planning to give to all of them equally when he passes, or give all his assets to a charity. You make it sound like he owes you. Not true.

Do you know if you are named in his will? You could ask to borrow against your inheritance… Or your parent should ask to borrow against theirs. If you (or your parents) aren’t willing to do this, then I see no reason why he should just flat out pay for any of your education.

@intparent I honestly have no clue. I know he is giving my dad his house for sure.

@SlackerMomMD the rest aren’t in college. I thought I said that? One dropped out and isn’t going back and my parents can handle my sibling’s education. I’m the youngest and the only one of college age left.

@Madison85 I was talking about someone who dropped out of college after being put on academic probation compared to me. I don’t think that is comparable to me and someone going to Northwestern.

I mean, bottom line, would it be wrong to ask and if it weren’t wrong how would I (or my parents) even have that conversation?

Also, someone had mentioned finding a way to assure that the money is going to college. There are special bank accounts for that, no?

If you want to go through with it, I suggest writing a letter. This way you aren’t putting grandpa on the spot. Take your time to type up a letter. Have your parents read it over and edit it. Tell him about your extracurricular activities and stats and how you have been busy applying for college. Tell him that your parents have set a budget or limit for you and you are trying to figure out how to afford School X if you are admitted since you will be $10k short. Then ask if he has any interest in helping you make college more affordable.

@CaliCash‌ - people ask for money for all sorts of things, not just college: weddings, buying a house, starting a business, buying a car, airplane tickets, the list can just go on. At 90, your grandfather may have already been asked for “help” by several of your cousins or their parents for any or all of the above.

Again, you can always ask. Just don’t expect a “yes”.

@SlackerMomMD‌ well, I’ve got a 50/50 shot lol.

Only if yes versus no was determined on a roll of the dice would it be a 50/50 shot.

@Madison85 I don’t follow.

My advice is to put yours or your parent’s inheritance on the line to pay for your college, not just ask for a handout. If he is truly wealthy, you all will probably end with something in the end after he dies anyway. If he doesn’t intend to leave it to you or your parent, then can’t believe he will say yes to just paying now. Or maybe he isn’t as wealthy as you think he is.

I do agree that your dad should do the asking. Unless your dad is thinking the same way a lot of parents are out here who are saying you should stay within your immediate family’s budget to start with…

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@mom2collegekids I’m not sure why you need to mention the she doesn’t have “northwestern stats”. That was an unnecessary dig at me. That poster had already said that I could get merit from pretty good, but not tippy top schools. Northwestern would be considered a tippy top school so obviously s/he wasn’t referring to a school of that caliber or a school that would demand stats of that caliber.

EDIT: idk, maybe I took your comment the wrong way. Didn’t mean to seem catty


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@CaliCash‌

My comment was meant to correct another person’s post who seemed to think that the student had NorthwesternUniv-type stats which is why THAT PERSON assumed that the student could use her “high stats” to get big merit at many other non-NU-like schools (such as flagships and such, that offer big merit to those with ACT 32+). The person was wrongly thinking that the student didn’t want to go that option (big merit at a flagship), but instead wanted Grandpa to help pay for a Northwestern type school.

I was just correcting that person’s misunderstanding. If I remember correctly, the student’s ACT is around 27…a fine ACT score, but not high enough to get big merit from a school like FSU, UPitt, Ohio State, Penn State, Bama, etc. The point was that the student wasn’t just “skipping over” those big merit opps.

You say you have a 50/50 chance of your grandpa saying yes.

That’s only true if there are two equally likely outcomes, such as throwing a die and odds are yes and evens are no. Or a coin toss and tails are yes and heads are no.

There is no way to know whether your grandpa feels equally incline to say yes as he is to say no.

Two possible outcomes (yes and no) does not mean you have a 50/50 shot like you say in Post #72.

I think your dad should be the one to ask his father. He can explain that you have been a very good student, but the parents can’t pay all of college costs. If he tells his father that the family can pay - say $30k per year - but the school costs $10k per year more - then gramps may happily say, “yes” to that remaining $10k.

Your Grandpa is 90. He’s been around long enough to know that plenty of people who are 23, and even older, do go to college. They’re called adult students. So just because YOU assume your older cousins are done with school it doesn’t mean your Grandpa does. As an earlier poster noted, perhaps your Grandpa will agree that you are the smartest of the lot and, for that reason, he may decide you won’t need financial help.

I wouldn’t ask to borrow money from your grandfather; if you must, I’d let his child (your dad?) do it. But I’d consider a few things first: Did he offer any money when your sister started cc? If not, I’d have to wonder if school prestige matters to him. Did he pay for your dad’s school? If not, maybe he thinks people should pay their own way. Has he helped other family members financially? If so, which ones and for what? If your dad is “definitely” getting your grandpa’s house, you may want to find out if that means less cash is already coming your family’s way when Grandpa dies. There may not be a cash inheritance to borrow against.