is it normal for me to feel this way? *depressed*

Colleges & Universities A-Z University of California - Berkeley
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<p>Okay, here is a parental perspective. It’s hard to hear all of you sounding so down. Here’s one thing I know for sure… Life NEVER goes the way you planned it. There are always challenges and twists along the way. It’s what you do when you encounter the challenges that determine the life you will have. All of you who have been accepted to Berkeley are outstanding students and used to much academic success. It must be a shock to the system to come to Cal and realize that there are many more students brighter than you and that you have to work MUCH harder than you are used to. This is just a fact. One thing that is also a fact is that good grades in college don’t have to be straight A’s. The benchmark is different at a top university. </p>

<p>In my opinion, you need to change your definition of success. Are you improving with each exam? Are you giving the class your all? Are you doing your best? If you are, then you are succeeding. You can’t do anything more than do your best. One other thing, don’t let an average grade, or a less than average grade, be the end of your dreams. Where is your character? When life gets tough are you going to quit? Are you going to let a professor’s grade of your work determine the validity of your dream? I sure wouldn’t let that determine mine. I have had all kinds of set backs in my life, but I have never quit and I have never stopped shooting for my dreams. It hasn’t always been easy and I have been down just like all of you are now. Somehow I have just always been able to regroup and keep on keeping on.</p>

<p>I’m older than all of you and with age, comes a little wisdom. You are at a top university where you get the opportunity to study whatever you like. Do not waste this opportunity. You are young. You are healthy. You live in a beautiful place with all kinds of cultural opportunities. You have your entire future ahead of you. It is normal to feel down. It is normal to doubt yourself. It is normal to change your path in life and it is normal to pursue many paths in life. When you feel down, talk to people that care about you and get support from them. Take a moment. Go outside and look at the view. Go get some frozen yogurt for 30 minutes. Then pick yourself up and keep on keeping on. Never give up on your dreams. Never. Striving for them and being happy with who you are and the choices you make is what life is all about. Hang in there.</p>

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<p>check my PM…
I didn’t want to say things that if somebody knows me, could trace back to me…
but I can assure you, that you really are not alone in feeling this way - chango and others too
I’ve been in the same shoes as well, and in the process of recovering from it
And you know what? Everyone’s so used to being achievers and perfectionist, that they are not willing to share such feelings with close friends - because we do not want to admit failure, which makes the problem worse.
feel free to PM me too guys - we’re all in this together… sort of.</p>

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<p><em>Applause</em></p>

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<p>momfirst3…I am saving your post. Forever. And ever. <3</p>

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<p>Nice. This sounds like something my mom would say.</p>

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<p>What you’re feeling is normal. Since everyone else seems to be venting in this thread, I will, too. Feel free to PM me if you need anybody to talk to, because I understand.</p>

<p>I’m an out of state student from a small town. I wake up and just feel anxious here, a lot of times. Most of my classes don’t engage me. I see kids on tours of campus and I just want to tell them, think hard before coming here! It’s hard to meet people. In high school I was lively, friendly, outgoing, and bubbly. Here, my life is not nearly as bright. I totally feel you on the waking up and not being EXCITED anymore. My grades were good last year and are decent this semester, but the rest of my life here feels empty.</p>

<p>I was pressured into coming here because of the prestige and I’ve grown to regret it every day. Campus can be antisocial and unfriendly, from my experience. Halloween weekend felt completely dead! When I look for clubs to join, it seems like most of them just aren’t of my interests (my fault), and a majority are centered around various races, ethnicities, countries that I am not a part of. Most of my friends are perfectly happy with staying in all weekend and studying. It seems common. I feel like every few weeks someone posts here on CC about how there’s ‘no fun people’ in Berkeley and I wish it was something I knew about before I decided to come here. When I visited Berkeley as a high school senior I also visited other parts of the Bay like SF and Muir Woods. I fell in love with San Francisco, the cultural opportunities out here, but no one here seems interested. It’s all study, study, study, and if they have a free moment, they don’t want to spend money.</p>

<p>The surrounding area of Berkeley kind of dingy, often smells bad, and is populated with less-than-loveable crazies. Some of them are not bad, but there are a handful that scream offensive things or just make people uncomfortable. Apartment buildings are generally not in the best conditions; when I went on my apartment search last spring it was hard to find something that wasn’t poorly kept, small, in a bad location, and/or overpriced. And don’t even get me started about the strange lack of competition Walgreens and Safeway have, assuming you don’t want to walk an extra twenty minutes. Most of the people working at the various establishments here are also just kind of pushy. I’m not used to it but maybe that’s just how people are in cities, or in California, I don’t know. I’m a small town girl and dodging a couple of homeless people in the doorway of the bagel shop just to get breakfast kind of freaks me out. </p>

<p>My unhappiness reached a point where I chose to just be done here… I decided to transfer near the beginning of this semester, and the past weeks have been hell dealing with the bureaucracy of the university I want to transfer to and the community college I’m using as a stepping stone in between. I feel like I’m constantly on the phone in some random corner of campus because I can’t make these calls in my apartment, or my roommates will know I’m transferring and treat me even worse than they already do. </p>

<p>This thread comes at an interesting time because today was the first time I told someone here in Berkeley that I was transferring. A girl in my English class expressed some of the same unhappiness that I had and said she was leaving at the semester. I felt less alone. Seeing this makes me feel less alone, too. I’m just kind of pushing on until Thanksgiving break.</p>

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<p>i ****ing love you all. I felt a little burnt out at the beginning of the semester as I was just coming off summer class and that short two week break and my grades suffered on the first wave of midterms. I really questioned what was happening to me. I’ve always been happy with the path that I’ve chosen and feel it has been right for me because it is what I love and want to do. I had (and still have) no clue what happened. I think it just got better with time. </p>

<p>I got my butt kicked on a few midterms. So what? I told myself to not let it happen again and I hope that feeling continues. It seems like I have to do it once a semester…But time heals all. Many people have told me, grades don’t matter. Maybe they do for pre-meds, but no one cares about your undergrad grades when you get to grad school or get a job. We all go to a top university, regardless of budget cuts, rankings, admission rates, etc. We should enjoy that. And also, we go to college. Enjoy that. Not everyone knows what they’re going to do before, during, or even after college. But we are here now and we will never be here again.</p>

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<p>Is it just Berkeley or are all universities supposed to be like this ?
I wonder if there’s been any study done to compare the stress and happiness levels of students between the top universities across the nation… where students really want to balance fun and studies, but want to succeed in life…</p>

<p>Are we really alone in this feeling of hopelessness and depression ?</p>

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<p>try a barrel roll.</p>

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<p>You’re definitely not alone because I’m in the same boat.
I’m a fourth year…just getting closer and closer to leave berkeley. I’ve been feeling uneasy lately…partly because I’ve finally realized that what I’ve been studying is not my thing at all. Actually, I’ve felt this way for a while now, at one point I even thought about withdrawing for a whole semester and get myself back together because I was depressed to the point of feeling suicidal. After venting out my anger and frustration on my parents, I decided that I would stay and see if things worked out. I think for the most part I changed…and luckily this semester I took a class that is totally unrelated to my major but I am enjoying it enormously…I wish I had done this earlier though, maybe I would have felt happier here. Recently, my way of coping with stress is by reading books and venturing out to topics that I wouldn’t normally come across in my major. Yes, I still dislike my major and have no idea what I want to do with it…but I’ve decided I’m just gonna have to make the best out of my remaining time here.</p>

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<p>momfirst3, I loved that post. It sounded similar to something my dad would say, only less blunt and phrased more encouragingly.</p>

<p>It’s good to see that we’re not alone in all of this. But I am slightly sad to see those of you such as ringopuppers and Chango talking about transferring or leaving college entirely. I always thought people would complain about the stresses of Berkeley, but no one would actually leave because there was something keeping them here (whether it be the hope of a good job, being the first in their family to go to college, a club they were really passionate in, etc). But now I recall so many people from freshman year last year who were ready to bounce at the end of their first semester at Berkeley. Some did, but most stayed and as far as I know, they don’t hate their lives (though who knows, maybe they’re on here venting like I am) But then again, it’s your life, and if you’re truly unhappy at Berkeley and want to transfer, then I think you should. You shouldn’t spend the next 2-3 years of your life unhappy. Live the way you want to. </p>

<p>Ringopuppers, I think some of the thing you’re describing are related more to the urban atmosphere than California. I’m from a smaller, less urban town in CA, and I found that the store clerks/sales people there were friendlier than in Berkeley. The homeless people sometimes freaked me out too at first, coming from my bubble-of-a-small-town. Some of the particularly crazy ones around People’s Park still do…So I totally sympathize.</p>

<p>Also, Berkeley is really not that antisocial, contrary to what people suggest. The social opportunities are there. What is true in Berkeley, however, is that you actively have to reach out and work to find people who you want to hang out with–social opportunities won’t come to you like they did in high school, I’ve realized. You have to go find them. And personally, while one hand it’s easy to feel lost and just one in a sea of thousands at CAL, on the other hand, I love Berkeley for its diversity and the fact that it’s essentially a small city on a campus. I meet so many greater, more open-minded people (and some not so open-minded people, I’ll admit) than I did in high school. For me, it’s the balancing of more work, extracurriculars, social stuff, and higher expectactions that gets me down (general life complaints), moreso than the campus community itself. I highly doubt that Berkeley kids are the only ones stressed out. When it comes time for midterms, trust me, I see all my friends on FB freaking out and moaning about college. </p>

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<p>Wanted to reiterate this, because it’s so true. And feel free to PM me. We all need someone to vent to every now and then :)</p>

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<p>I’m feeling really stressed out at the moment too. Taking six classes, working two jobs. Bad idea for someone who lacks time management skills. Getting laid off of one job next semester, dislike the other. Said I was sick and didn’t work late night or today, though I’m just listless and unable to sleep. Today I was relived to see I got an average score on a midterm (B-). Midterm tomorrow, big test Friday. Reading response due tomorrow morning too. Ahhh!!</p>

<p>I’m sorry to hear you guys all sounding burnt out. I can only remind myself that all this will past, and maybe in a few weeks this season will all seem like a bad memory. Perhaps we’ll be able to appreciate the things we overlooked in times of academic <em>crisis</em>. Like…I learned how to swim this semester!! After being afraid of water all my life. It was hella stressful at first, however, and I cried a few times at the thought of going to class / telling my parents about it.</p>

<p>And ringopuppers, I almost transferred last year. Applied when I was a freshman, made plans for my sophomore year. I was pretty much set to leave, minus buying my plane tickets and paying the other school’s tuition. And then I gave them up. When I compared the two schools, I was hard pressed to argue for the other. And luckily for me, my sophomore year was so much better socially and academically (well, the second semester anyway). If you have any questions about the transfer process, you can ask me and I’ll try my best to answer about the specifics of transferring from Berkeley. Some people will be shocked to hear you want to get out of this place (eg. the annoyingly cold staff the registrar office), but others can relate.</p>

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<p>I’m not sure why anyone would like this area but I always hear from people “oh it has so much culture/diversity”.</p>

<p>I too am from a small town and can’t stand the city. The sight of any homeless people or thugs is uncomfortable, not just the obnoxious ones or those who engage students. I would prefer to live in a more affluent area like Westwood, Irvine, La Jolla, or Santa Barbra because the city of Berkeley definitely plays a role in my day-to-day mood and in turn, effects my overall experience here.</p>

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<p>Hmm, come to think about it, I was also considering taking a semester or two off for reasons similar to the posts above. I expressed my thoughts to my parents and they practically exploded at me demanding an immediate answer what am I going to do if I quit school. I was very stressed that I am paying OOS tuition while getting GPA that has been steadily declining since freshman year.</p>

<p>Looking back, and looking now, I really don’t like some of the required courses I have to take for my major (it’s engineering) and I am tired of hanging out with the nerds who are smart, but their character and social skills are only suitable for being the next generation of professors. (you know, the ones who are very much in their world and kind of lack social manners b/c they don’t really communicate with other people besides academics) I strongly believe engineers should be capable of communicating and convincing other people like the business guys, but the school never teaches that. All I do is memorize equations here and there, take the tests, do some pretty cool projects though, and graduate. Berkeley engineers might be well-disciplined to do problems, but I feel like most of them will forever remain as a ‘cog in the machine’ since they don’t know how to put thoughts into words therefore there is no way to advance within the society.</p>

<p>Then I’m hearing all these complaints of being an engineer not just from Berkeley, but from almost every other schools, so I realize all engineering students are suffering from academics to some degree. For this semester, my grades so far has been shockingly good for me since I uninstalled all computer games combined with the determination that I can’t just quit school unless I put in all my effort just to see how far I can go. I can definitely feel a comeback after 3 semesters of slump and it feels good.</p>

<p>My short-term motivation to do well in school is to recover my gpa to a certain point by the end of this year so that I can apply for 5th year Master’s program, and of course, get an internship that I will enjoy doing next summer. I have to say, doing homework and studying hard are bearable, and occasionally enjoyable, when you have a goal.</p>

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<p>I’m glad I helped a little… Sometimes you just need a nudge to gain perspective. For those who decide to leave, it’s your choice. Hold your head up, change paths, and pursue your dreams. For those who stay, be at peace with that choice and try and focus on the positive. I believe in all of you. Believe in yourself.</p>

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<p>Wow I did not expect to see this post. I had a somewhat similar post and did not get alot of feedbacks…but I guess I have a different reason for withdrawing than most of you. I just submitted my withdrawal forms today. I’m not too happy with how I’m doing academically. I have been working so hard and I am barely passing by the EECS classes. After my first midterm, I have sacrificed alot of my social life and still didn’t see much improvement. I think in order to do well in EECS, it is mostly about having intelligence and partially hardworking. It is very depressing to see people getting perfect scores on an EE 20N midterm. I still want to pursue CS but the competitive environment here is not helping. It has been so much stress and pressure up to a point that it makes me want to transfer. I don’t want to put myself through this for the next 2-3 years of my life and get hit with a hammer every time I take a midterm. I guess I’m just not smart enough to be an EECS major here. But anyway, I don’t see a point in graduating from Cal with a low GPA. Alot of jobs and internships won’t even look at your resume if you don’t have at least a 3.0. I’m probably better off graduating with a 3.5+ at some low tier state school. I’ll be doing myself a favor, plus I won’t be as stressed and definitely not depress like I am here. It’s odd but it’s funny how some of the humanities classes here are a joke. It feels like high school. I get anxious as soon as I walk into my technical classes…</p>

<p>Socially, my experience in Cal has been great. It is the one thing I’m going to miss once I leave. Like what the other posts said, I guess you actually have to join a club in order to make friends. You usually don’t make friends through classes but I guess I just got lucky. I made a friend through a project and then I joined his club and a fellowship. Everyone is extremely friendly, they’re always saying hi to me and introducing themselves. I have never experienced this at the community college I went to. Most people just go to class and then go home. I have met so many people at the beginning of this semester. It’s hard to keep up with all of them. I always get invitations for lunch, dinner, etc. Some people will actually go out of there way to help you out. Withdrawing has been a very touchy subject for me but a couple of days ago I finally told a friend and he was trying to talk me out of it. Plus he gave me a stress ball lol. But I was expecting a look of disappointment and I didn’t get that.</p>

<p>I have to admit though, some of those Asian engineering majors can be very antisocial. No offense and I’m not trying to be racist here but they often only talk to people within their race and made me feel like an outsider several times… Aside from that, Cal has been great socially :)</p>

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<p>Just hang in there. After sophomore year, I was ready to quit. I was taking 19 units, got severely sick for 3 months, missed 2 midterms, didn’t like my major, and didn’t want to teach anymore. Even my parents suggested that I withdraw from school for the semester. But eventually things got better. Decided to change my minor and added a major. And realized that wanting to go into education or law was just not suited towards me and changed paths. </p>

<p>And now I’m a senior, and things are not as bad as they were before. I was lucky I found a group of nice friends by joining more social oriented clubs (just try different ones!). Also, people who I work with on projects become good friends as well!</p>

<p>So… don’t give up guys… Berkeley has so much to offer! And don’t be afraid of change. I added a major and a minor starting junior year, so definitely it’s never too late if you realize what you’re doing right now isn’t working out.</p>

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<p>As many others have said, I am in the same boat. I am so tired of putting every ounce of available effort into my courses, then when I look for somebody to hang out with and relax, I can’t find a single person willing to leave their computer, or else the only thing that they know how to talk about is school. I suppose that I am only being exposed to one type of person here, and it is seriously skewing my perspective of this place. But I have hope for next semester. I plan to join a club, and I am so excited to meet people outside of my major, because most of the people in my major live such stale, miserable lives.
Where were all of these posts when I was looking at universities? I think that if I had seen all of these, I would have chosen UCLA instead. If I could go back, I would choose UCLA, but it is too late for that now, and I am very determined to find a way to make the best of this.</p>

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I agree. Every time that I see kids touring, I want to tell them to stay away. I don’t. Maybe I should.</p>

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<p>^^^ I’ve been wondering about that too. How come these kinds of posts only seem to lurk in the Berkeley forums but not in UCLA or any of the Ivy League sections >_<
Not sure if UCLA has it any better though because they have worst grade deflation (link provided by ucbalumnus somewhere). But I’m already here, so I guess I’ll never know if they really do have it any better.</p>

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<p>you what we need on campus?</p>

<p>an official ASUC-recognized CC club…</p>

<p>right? right?</p>