I’ve attempted going to school three times. Twice I tried full time, and a third part time. All of the times I’ve had to drop out due to financial concerns (sob story [but not really] of how my parents won’t pay because too high of EFC), issues with anxiety and depression, or biting off more than I can chew too soon. I’ve wasted the time, money, and energy of myself and others and I’m wondering if school is even worth it at this point. I’m 20 years old now, and I struggle with deciding what I want to do with my life. When I read posts here I get very depressed because so many people have these goals and aspirations that require and education beyond high school, and I’m afraid the ones I set for myself will never be achieved, and I’ll be stuck in retail forever.
In high school I dreamed of going to school at the top university in my state. I had the grades, ECs, standardized tests, and everything down pat. I had done everything I needed to do in high school with flying colors. But after run ins with my anxiety and depression, I couldn’t perform in college the way I would’ve like to. It’s now effected me, at least I feel, beyond repair and I’m afraid I’ll never make it through higher education, something I’ve always wanted to accomplish.
Is school just not for me? I don’t have the support I need from my family to financially afford it, and I can’t get any aid because of their income and the fafsa, thus making me nervous and anxious about being able to afford it altogether. I’m scared to take out loans because I don’t want to be in debt for the rest of my life and my three failed attempts at committing to school. Do I just give up at this point on the dream of going to school?
First of all, you are 20 years old. You will understand just how young that is when you are in the second half of your fifties like me. Seriously, your life is hardly over, in my opinion it is always worth it to seek education. That being said, you have financial realities. Is there a community college near where you live? Can you afford tuition for a class or two? Can any credits be salvaged from your prior tries at college? Start small, but work hard and do as well as you can, over time you gradually earn a degree. It doesn’t have to be done in 4 years. You don’t have to live at college. There are many paths to earning a degree. Once you get some steady legs under you you might then be ready to transfer to a college or university. Also, use the community college or state career services to explore what you might want to do as a career.
Student debt might be your only option. It’ll actually be good for you. First, you need to get your anxiety and depression under control. Take some time at it. Once you have your health under control, ease into community college and start out part-time. If you take 9 hrs in a semester, you can go year round and take 6 hrs in summer. It may take 4.5 years or so to get your degree, but you can do it.
I agree with @NorthernMom61 and coolguy40; baby steps. One class at a time until you get your anxiety and depression under control. You can’t expect to complete a full college degree if you are unhealthy. So, take care of your needs FIRST and take everything in moderation. You are only 20 years old. No one at any university is going to ask your age unless you are in your 40’s and 50’s. Then, it’s only out of curiosity.
Don’t discount the enormous benefits of working for a few years prior to college. It will give you resources, experience and confidence. You have no idea how many kids go straight from high school to college and then absolutely flounder in the work world because they have never experienced it. They don’t know how to deal with bosses, colleagues or customers. In the end, you may actually be at an advantage. As others have said, take some time to get your mental health under control. But don’t think this is a race or that you are running out of time. Take advantage of any training programs or tuition programs at your job. Find out what it takes to get promotions. Build a work record and make connections.
Then as others have said, try a class or two at community college. Keep working on your mental health and be proud of earning a living. When you are ready to go back to school, you will have a much better idea of what you want to study and what it actually takes to succeed in the real world.
Another option to consider for your anxiety is to engage the disabilities office at your school. Most schools have such an office. One of the things they can do when there is documented extreme anxiety, for example, is to provide accommodations for a quiet testing room, extended testing time, etc.
I’m not suggesting this as an alternative to some type of counseling, but rather as a complementing effort to such therapy. Anxiety can be a confusing thing, but I am confident that you can find your path to happiness.
