Is it worth it to pay for an elite college when offered Merit $$$ elsewhere?

Parents Forum
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<p>I find this thread, and it’s juxtaposition to the rest of site fascinating…but maybe there is something fundamental I am missing (and LOL, I am sure someone will tell me what that is within minutes of this being posted).</p>

<p>The overwhelming sentiment seems to be that paying for “elite” schools is foolish, and that most kids who are reasonably smart, driven, and pick the right area to study can do just as well or better at state universities or less name-brand privates. We have a few sharing that their kids indeed did choose, for example Wisconsin over Harvard, and other similar such choices. Posters on thread keep yelling, passionately, “It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter!” And even further, that folks actually are stupid and really, really superficial if they could have saved anywhere from 80K to 200K and chose not to do so.</p>

<p>So, are some of you arguing that there is no tension in your decisions…that you don’t flinch even for a second about giving up the more “elite” choice, or seeing your kid’s school become 5% less selective since last year, etc, etc. I mean, not even a twitch for a second or two before you come to your senses and reaffirm your commitment to the more rational, less sexy choice? Some of you have no narcissism at all, or never find yourself having to adjust your narcissistic equilibrium? And you don’t flinch when you are subjected to overhearing others announce/brag about their elite admit and choice? </p>

<p>We either have a ton of denial going on, or some truly evolved people.</p>

<p>See, my point is not that you aren’t right. Many of us know that you probably are, and many of us either make similar decisions or at least compromised decisions…like not necessarily the greatest bargain, but some middle ground between quality/prestige and cost…like the really good school that offers 12-15K as opposed to 25-30K, or something like that. And I can fully admit that if one of my kids had a Harvard admit (neither even applied) that I would experience some internal tension and churning around that is the it was going to be full cost (even though we know that Harvard and many schools of that ilk give the best aid). Almost free to UMass vs almost full pay to Harvard…maybe that’s supposed to be easy but I don’t think most of us would find that easy, unless easy means choosing Harvard.</p>

<p>But what really seems strange to me in this massive sea of denial about having any weakness or vulnerability for narcissistic/prestige concerns is…why are all of you/us even here, surfing around CC, and having entire Parent Cafe type threads where parents “meet” for months posting their elite admits, waitlists, and rejections…sweating it out and commiserating together…applauding with “great school…love that school…congrats, you must be so happy…crack open the champagne…chardonnay for everyone on me…you must be so, so proud”, etc, etc. And then all of the comparison threads…Duke vs Michigan…Grinnell vs Oberlin…Wash U vs Northwestern, etc, etc…and the quickness with which posters chime in so easily with sweeping judgments like “of course Duke, not even a close call” and “oh, you absolutely should go to Northwestern,” and all the expert opinions about the grandness of specific programs at specific schools…</p>

<p>So, like I said, I’m sure someone will explain how off I am swiftly and sharply.</p>

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<p>"So, are some of you arguing that there is no tension in your decisions…that you don’t flinch even for a second about giving up the more “elite” choice, or seeing your kid’s school become 5% less selective since last year, etc, etc. I mean, not even a twitch for a second or two before you come to your senses and reaffirm your commitment to the more rational, less sexy choice? Some of you have no narcissism at all, or never find yourself having to adjust your narcissistic equilibrium? And you don’t flinch when you are subjected to overhearing others announce/brag about their elite admit and choice? "</p>

<p>Pretty pointed. At our house, we are hoping it was the right move. DD chose full tuition at Pitt over full pay at Chicago or Georgetown, so we were looking at about a $200k difference. She graduates this week. I just hope that she does not regret the choice. Time will tell.</p>

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<p>@MD Mom: I doubt she will regret the choice. Pitt is a wonderful, wonderful place to go to college and I probably would have enrolled there if I didn’t qualify for need-based aid (other schools weren’t too much pricier than Pitt with full-tuition). I’m sure she will have an amazing time there; Pittsburgh is an amazing city and Pitt (especially UHC) has a lot to offer the top achievers from high school. :)</p>

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<p>Bravo for the articulate response, Finalchild. Depends on many factors, too. What if a school has the best major which is much stronger than your state school? What if your kid needs a smaller school setting to succeed? It is not so clear in every situation. And not every state’s school system is the same-- Virginia has stronger options than Alaska overall (although if you want a fisheries business degree, Alaska is hard to beat). Good points raised and good ones to debate.</p>

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<p>proudmama2016,In terms of Virginia,Virginia Tech does have a fish and wildlife program but not sure if that is related to a “fisheries business degree.”
[Fish</a> and Wildlife Conservation](<a href=“http://www.fishwild.vt.edu/]Fish”>http://www.fishwild.vt.edu/)</p>

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<p>Plenty of tension here at our house. There’s lil bro: “I don’t want to tell ANY of my friends where she is going to school.” and “I took her ASU water bottle to soccer practice tonight, and that is the LAST time I do that.” Dad: “We can’t send her THERE. All my colleagues are sending their kids to these great schools and see news about various awards she won in newspaper, and they can’t believe she didn’t apply to any Ivys. Why are we doing this? The math classes and students will be weak and she’ll get an awful education.” Me: hemming and hawing when people ask about college, hrmmph, well there’s this honor college…scholarships…awesome oboe prof…</p>

<p>Tonight is senior recognition night band concert at the HS. Can’t wait. As the kids stand and director talks about them one by one, “And here’s Suzy still deciding between Brown and Stanford” and then they get to my D, and everyone will turn and stare. “Why is she going there???” At school kids follow her around, “Why aren’t you going to Vandy? That’s a great school.” </p>

<p>Very fraught. I still think it’ll be OK, though. It’s her choice. She insists, and had the option to go to lots of other places.</p>

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<p>“As someone in the actuarial field myself, the best and the brighest in math that would have previously become actuaries now work as analysts for hedge fund. Money isn’t comparable.”</p>

<p>No the money isn’t comparable, but I know I make a healthy, stress-free living. I am much, much closer to the 1% than not.</p>

<p>So perhaps it is only worth going into debt for an elite school if your goal is get into a hedge fund - if you can get into a hedge fund.</p>

<p>The one person I know who works at a hedge was a UNC undergrad/London School of Economics grad. He beat out 600 other candidates for his position.</p>

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<p>There is obviously tension and denial, or certain posters on here wouldn’t be taking such a mocking tone about my posts. I’ve said numerous times on these threads that I am speaking from my experience and my regional bias, just like the rest of you. Take it or leave it, but the snarky comments reflect poorly on you. </p>

<p>As for NJ and the implication I’m stupid for thinking it’s different here, I’d like to point out that based on the 2010 census, our state currently has 20.6% foreign born residents (including 725,000 Asians), versus 12.9% for the rest of the country. My town has an Asian population of 39%. If you think this demographic fact doesn’t affect educational competitiveness, the drive for prestige, or the difficulty of the job market–especially in tech fields–then you need to come for a visit.</p>

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<p>The clear takeaway of this post is – why are you investing so much of your energy and self-worth in what the neighbors think? Why would you care in the least? If you / husband / child are happy with the decision, isn’t that all that is needed? I would do some heavy self-examination of why it’s so important to please the neighbors.</p>

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<p>Right. But that’s a big so-what. The money can still be good. Living a nice upper middle class on a good salary doesn’t become less-nice if other people happen to make a lot more.</p>

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<p>this is my dilemma exactly, can someone help me out? i got into northeastern with no aid or scholarships but university of vermont gave me a ton of merit aid. is the fact that northeastern is a “better” and more well known school worth the 50,000 a year over a school with not as solid a reputation but at around 20,000 a year?</p>

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<p>I’m with poet girl. We wouldn’t have qualified for financial aid, we have spent for 3 privates and, I have felt strongly that all 3 of mine have benefitted from being at a private institution. My youngest, especially. Do I wish I had the 750k ? You bet. But, we didn’t borrow and, due to complicated family dynamics way back when the first was applying there was no way he was going to get into a decent public. So, we ponied up. Does this make us foolish like some posters imply?</p>

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<p>Celesteroberts - enjoy the awards ceremony and be grateful that it’s unlikely you’ll be asked what brand toilet paper you buy because the answer would inevitably have people scratching their heads. My takeaway from this discussion is that none of us, myself included, actually “listen” to opinions we don’t agree with, and why would we? They make no sense.</p>

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<p>go to vermont. Around here northeastern is a directional teachers college.</p>

<p>I mean, I know what northeastern is, but kind of who cares? Go to vermont.</p>

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<p>In a word, no.</p>

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<p>quote of the day for CC</p>

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<p>Luisarose, my daughter graduates from Pitt this week. ;)</p>

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<p>@ unsuresenior2013: I know great people from both institutions. They’re all doing wonderful things with their lives. That said, I don’t think there’s that much of a discernible difference between Northeastern and UVM. It truly is what you make of it. I would go to UVM and save the money, but only you know what is best.</p>

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<p>congratulations to your daughter MD Mom! On that I’m sure we can all agree. :)</p>

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<p>Well I was about to ask smokinact whether I could forward her r</p>

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<p>Pm me with your email.</p>

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Yeah, I live in California. No Asians or foreign born people here. </p>

<p>BTW - newsflash, after you leave school you can look for work in all 50 states. Even out of the country if you like.</p>

<p>And nobody said or even implied you were stupid. I think you wrongly exaggerate the need to attend an elite school for the reason of finding employment. THat’s it. Your posts inply that virtually NOBODY who didn’t graduate from an elite school can find work in NJ. I really find that hard to believe.</p>

<p>There are plenty of other reasons to attend top schools. Given the choice, I would pay $80K over four years for my kid to attend Harvard instead of UCSB for free. Not 200K, i can’t afford that. If my kid wanted to take out loans that would be up to him. Yeah, I’m stupid. I think I’ve posted here several times that I applied to Harvard and didn’t getin. I was quite bummed to attend UCSD, my safety. But employment wise it was no issue, and I don’t believe it matters that much now. </p>

<p>The real point is that virtually nobody will ever have to make such a ridiculous choice. Almost nobody gets into Harvard. Or Stanford or any Ivy League school. Too bad everybody can’t go. </p>

<p>But it isn’t the end of the world. And you certainly needn’t despair about your employment opportunities. In most cases you can and will find decent work graduating from a normal state school with a decent record. Why is that so hard to believe?</p>

<p>And another BTW - my step-kid hated school. He barely got out of high school. I almost cried just to see him graduate it was such a freaking battle every day almost. Now he’s learning welding and machining and has a ob already as a machinists helper. He loves it and makes decent money. Now I feel like crying because I never thought he’s find something he liked that he could earn a living at. So everything is relative. I have absolutely no dog in this fight except logic.</p>